Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

in the wonders of my mindšŸ’—.

iloveyouxx March 17th

hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnā€™t look like mešŸ§makes sense doesnā€™t itšŸ˜›since there can only be one *me*āœØone of a kind now arent IšŸ˜/sar. one out of 8118835999āœØšŸŒ·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youā€™re also one of a kindšŸ’– sorrysorry haha :PšŸ¤im just messing around xDšŸ’žalso itā€™s 2am- but shush no snitchingšŸ¤«Iā€™ll sleep in a whilešŸ˜when Iā€™m feeling a bit more sane :>šŸ˜›šŸ©·

wanted to have my own space.šŸ’œ for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.šŸ’™

to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šŸ’œplease dont lurk here.šŸ©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šŸ’™but please be respectfulšŸ©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :PšŸ’› yā€™all get crazy nosy haha- itā€™s alright.šŸ’›nothing too interesting will be here anywayšŸ’›if you would like to come in and be supportive itā€™s completely okiešŸ’›but please donā€™t make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšŸ’›because Iā€™d still like this to be just my space ^-^šŸ’›)

peach-and-goma.gif

3926
iloveyouxx OP August 28th

I was crying all of this morning because I didnā€™t want to go to school. I was still getting things done because I had to but I couldnā€™t stop crying and then my brother wakes up after me and he was like whatā€™s wrong why do you look so sad and he gave me a hug but I couldnā€™t talk or anything. I donā€™t even know if I was being dramatic I just hate everything so much and itā€™s only the second day and I have 10 more months of just this year and then Iā€™ll be a senior and then thatā€™s 3 years and then I donā€™t know what Iā€™ll do after that but right now this year Iā€™ve barely even started but I wish I could just stopĀ 

iloveyouxx OP August 28th

one of the guys in my class said I shouldnā€™t have moved here. but like I can handle it :ā€™) itā€™s so chaotic way more than the most chaotic moments of my old class but itā€™s also just like when you talk no one stops everything theyā€™re doing just to stare at you. everyone just minds their own business. they donā€™t care what youā€™re doing or what you look like or anything

iloveyouxx OP August 28th

today we did a mental health test this on this website cause you know, they care about our wellbeing so much. now we have well-being wednesdays like really.

and it was all questions like pick one from the listed below stuff like thatĀ 

and I just chose the lowest or worst on everything because I didnā€™t want to be there :ā€™) and my teacher asked me if Iā€™m sui.cidalĀ 

I know itā€™s serious but that made me laugh because..sui.cidal. well not right now I guess thatā€™s a stretch I just donā€™t want to be here. and he said itā€™s not funny and now hes mad

it only made me laugh because he was asking me if I was suici.dal after I submitted a mental health test while being depressed about school

I didnā€™t know all my teachers had access to that. I thought it was just lead teachers or hoy

iloveyouxx OP August 28th

the girl I switched with, she left early yesterday for a doctors appointment and she was absent today. and 2 of the girls in that group that gave us no other choice but to switch. sort of the main ones I guess one of them went did S skip and get caught and I said no she didnā€™t come in today what do you mean and she kept saying that no she came and she was registered in in period one and two but sheā€™s in my class for those and she didnā€™t come today at all and I said the teachers probably made a mistake and they kept saying no she skipped i donā€™t know why they care so much thoĀ 

and another girl was in my arabic class and she asked why I moved out of her class and her friends started banging the tables every time Iā€™d start talking.Ā 

iloveyouxx OP August 28th

they built so many new things everyoneā€™s so confused because we were gone for 2 months and it feels like weā€™re in a different school

1 reply
iloveyouxx OP August 28th
im gonna take pictures next time
load more
iloveyouxx OP August 28th

img-0007_1724869118.jpeg

:3 I saw a cat but I only got my device out while they were walking away

iloveyouxx OP August 28th

a group of seniors were walking the opposite way and one of them just looked at me and they did the hand thing and they went "well well well look what we have here" and their friends told them to stop

thereā€™re already fights happening.Ā 

we got lectured in assembly by different teachers and everyone was laughing at the heartfelt speech guy I feel bad but there were some funny things he said in a serious tone like he yelled so seriously "there is a difference, between tucking in your shirt, and folding. if you want to fold, fold origami." but if I could use caps :p and then the part where he was like I am speaking from the very bottom of my heart and out of my compassion and etc etc that made people laugh for some reasonĀ 

I was looking for my math class and it was really really crowded and two year 7s came and one of them was like my friend thinks youā€™re cute can he get your snap. and I sort of just huh smiled and continued looking and the kid screamedĀ 

in lead class after we were supposed to do the two truths and a lie with someone our lead teacher was picking some people to say thereā€™s and make the class guess and one guy started his with "um im 6 foot" and the teacher choked on her coffee for a while and everyone started laughing. and some other guy started it with "i like spaghetti" and everyone started laughing again-.

all my ex friends have been talking to me so casually :ā€™) my dad wants me to close. byebye.Ā 

4 replies
iloveyouxx OP August 28th
I snuck on.
iloveyouxx OP August 28th

I left my house at 7:15 on the first day. I was waiting for my friends (I think I can call her my friend now ;-; I kept waiting for the moment sheā€™d idk hate me or leave or make other friends and replace me but idk) bus but apparently she doesnā€™t go by bus anymore

and I used to be in a group of 5 (best friends) and we stopped being friends a long time ago but one of them just ran up to me and started talking so excitedly and she hugged me and I was just talking the same way she wasĀ 

she used to be in the class Iā€™m in now, 9b. but she just switched this year too. I was thinking like sheā€™d be the only good part if we actually ended up talking or something but the year I switch she switches to my old class. it used to be me, A(her), A, F and J and I was like aw youā€™re so lucky youā€™re gonna be with J and A and F and she was like oh well not F and I knew there were like problems I guess F was making her feel left out and then A told all of them about it and F wasnā€™t taking anything seriously and was sort of rude sometimes :ā€™)Ā 


2 replies
iloveyouxx OP August 28th
and then we saw my friend and everything else after that is so..I mean I remember everything itā€™s just. if I start then I wonā€™t know where to stop it was such a long day
1 reply
iloveyouxx OP August 29th

we saw J in assembly and she kept waving at us and by the time the pe assembly started my friend left early so J started talking to me and she was like (nadia) why did you move and today I talked to A (a different one-) after science because she was in my science set and both of them kept saying that now her and A J (f still hasnā€™t come back) are the only not popular girls in the class because like 2/3 new girls joined that group and are already just like everyone in it and people moved to that class so now theyā€™re one big group and they wonā€™t stop staring at my friends like "O-O"

oh and I stayed after school with J because her mom was so far away when she called her and she was alone so :ā€™) no one yelled at me in front of the guests or after they left or anything.Ā 

and I had another friend from 9c that also wonā€™t stop talking to me casually


load more
load more
load more
iloveyouxx OP August 28th

I canā€™t believe Iā€™m on page 91 :p I always saw those 100+ or even just around 80 page diary threads and even if itā€™s been around for 2+ years Iā€™d still be shocked because well- 40x100ā€¦

yeah thatā€™s great I lost all the knowledge Iā€™ve ever had

do you add the zeros? thatā€™s 4000 right. or 40,000? I think itā€™s

*calculator*Ā 

I feel so dumb that was 4000

how do I do so horrible and gets proper marks I donā€™t even know how I did what I did in English last year I thought my brain was foggy and I was in so much pain and I couldnā€™t think but like-

land he reads them and assesses them fairly :ā€™) my english teacher was really nice tho and he was really good at helping you understand and actually teachingĀ 

1 reply
iloveyouxx OP August 28th
get* and*-
load more
iloveyouxx OP August 28th

theres a new kid that was put next to my friend in the seating plan and everyoneā€™s already picking on him and every time he talks everyoneā€™s like giggling :ā€™) itā€™s not even an accent itā€™s just his voice. itā€™s not weird or anything itā€™s still- just his voice. :ā€™) but heā€™s not mainly targeted for that anyway, everyone calls him Leena 2.0Ā 

idk if I can explain why. leena was a girl in this school that left not too many years agoĀ 


6 replies
iloveyouxx OP August 28th
she had bad mental issues and she talked about mrder a lotĀ 
5 replies
iloveyouxx OP August 28th
she had a pocket knife on her all the time and a spare in her bag. sheā€™d go around saying things like "concussion or stabbing or do I strangle them"
4 replies
iloveyouxx OP August 28th

she used to hold the knife to my face and threaten me to death pretty often. if I didnā€™t do things she wanted me to and one time she came on me from the back and held a knife to my throat butĀ 

honestly I donā€™t know what was going on in my head but I just knew itā€™s not like sheā€™s gonna kll me and I wasnā€™t ever scared or her or anything just annoyed sometimes but that was it

3 replies
iloveyouxx OP August 28th

sheā€™d go around like helloo this is my friend she has an eating disorder

she skinny shamed me at such random times and just as an example one time she walked into lead and she came to me and she just went girl youre so skinny youre skinner than my nail but not my nail like this (sgehbss the rest is just idk) (and she was just going into descriptions about how skinny I am )

2 replies
iloveyouxx OP August 28th

sometimes sheā€™d be staring at nothing with the craziest smile and Iā€™d be like leena what are you doing and sheā€™d say some really creepy things I wonā€™t mention

but Iā€™m not talking about her like sheā€™s a bad person she wasnā€™t :ā€™) I just got carried away. there was so much to it. but she told me that her bed doesnā€™t have the thing at the back itā€™s just a bed and a mattress and stuff but thereā€™s a space behind it so even when she knows thereā€™s nothing there all night sheā€™d be too scared to sleep. she was obese and had a problem with stress eating, her parents literally nickname her the word trash but in arabic. she made a sui.cide joke about herself once before.Ā 

sheā€™d think about something happening and sheā€™d think it actually happenedĀ 

she went to therapy except she wasnā€™t the one talking to the therapist she would stand outside and her mom would talk about what medicine to get for her like her mom knew her better ( they got her sleeping pills)Ā 

yeah but one day in english someone yelled she has a knife. and everyone surrounded her and I saw her face and I wanted to run because she actually looked like she wouldā€™ve done something (but she didnā€™t) but they were saying things like "bro are you good are you mentally insane bro" and everyone started saying she was mental or mentally ill, she held the knife up at one guy and opened her mouth and :ā€™) I feel like she couldā€™ve had it in her to just. idk. then the teacher walked in and made everyone sit down and another girl raised her hand and said that she had a knife and

yeah long story short she got suspended. got switched to a class where everyone was told to be kind to her, got out into proper therapy and she moved a while afterĀ 

1 reply
iloveyouxx OP August 28th

there are so many rumors about it tho. like that she had a day planned to mrder this one guy (and I did see that plan in her reminders app thing but idk I mean maybe she wanted me to see it) and she did always talk to everyone about mrdering him. but :ā€™) okay well idk if itā€™s a rumor

but other things are. like she never said "I donā€™t care if I get kicked out of the school or get sent to prison as long as I make sure theyā€™re de.ad"

I mean I doubt that itā€™s true

actually let me think about something thatā€™s definitely not :p

thereā€™re rumors that she actually tried to kll *me* in that english class. I even heard year 13s talking about it like they know my name for being in that story idk who made upĀ 

load more
load more
load more
load more
load more
load more
iloveyouxx OP August 28th

I got sooo distractedd :ā€™) Iā€™m surprised I havenā€™t been caughtĀ