@mytwistedsoul Leopards really don’t change their spots do they….. 

@LoveMyMoonflowers No they really don't. I fool myself allowing alittle hope thinking that this time it might be different but it never is 😔

@mytwistedsoul exactly… yk no matter how many times they say sorry or cry about it in front of us.. they don’t actually change anything. :') ugh….. 😞 

@LoveMyMoonflowers @mytwistedsoul

dont stress about it guys. i'm fine. i just had to hold my breath for a few seconds whilst she strangled me... i lived. you can mourn it when i die. i'm all good!

now i hate to force you to smile! but come on.. smileee! you guys are da best!

@amiableBunny4016 🥺 and you’re the best too bunny… we love you and we are worrying about you because we care about you. Your our dear, dear, sweet precious friend. :')

I do mourn. i'm glad you survived that *** of hers - your a smart girl. But i mourn the fact that the house isn't the safe home it should be. because that is what you deserve, safety. and i mourn the fact that life keeps throwing *** at you you don't deserve. It hurts to know things happen to you bunny…. your my bestest friend here. it really kills me. 

:') Hugs if okay… 💙

@LoveMyMoonflowers

sometimes i mourn my own safety too. sometimes, i pray (if there is a god out there) that god takes me away from this world quicker, its a sin to even breathe in this house. i just want to go see my dad. i just want to go to my dad Ni. No matter how bad he was, he was never this bad.

He loved me. Yes, he will crazy and violent but he would never do such horrible things like handing me over to another person and ruining my life. 

i just want to go to him. 

@LoveMyMoonflowers

just pray i can go to my dad quicker.

@amiableBunny4016 i don't know if there is a god out there but if there is he kind of needs to get his priorities straight… 

i'd rather pray that you and your brother can leave that house and find safety somehow. :') 

@mytwistedsoul

corpses dont feel pain.

i kind of am one at this point. and i do not have any link, relationship or identity in this house. 

@amiableBunny4016 One day - I hope she gets what's coming to her. I know it doesn't help - I didn't have any of that where I grew up either.  If you can just avoid her

@mytwistedsoul

eh, its not possible to avoid her. once you live under the same roof, always going to be around her. 

but eh, its not a big deal. i can live. its not the first time someone's done this to me.

@amiableBunny4016 That's kind of what i thought too. if you tried to avoid her there's no telling how she'd react tbh…… ☹️ 

@LoveMyMoonflowers 

its not that easy... if it was that easy, i would have done that method a long time ago. 

@amiableBunny4016 That is true. 

@amiableBunny4016 True - I meant to just stay in your room as much as you can. Keep yourself out of sight as much as you can

@mytwistedsoul

<3 i know what you meant. its okay. 

i got through my whole childhood without her. i dressed myself. i fed myself. i helped myself. i got through school without her. i got good grades without her. she wasn't there. she wasn't there to celebrate or hold my hand, or help me. and you know... some day if i live, i will get a house without her, i'll get my own life and a job and she will be here *** her life up and she will sit here and she will sob and she will cry because it would have hit her hard the most. 

that her *** daughter was successful.

did she ever think what it would be like when her children leave this house? of course not. she will probably find another broken man, who is just as broken as we are. and somehow *** herself up already, because i would have already left and got my *** together, and she would just be here putting another *** into her life.

and you know.... the men she put in my life, the *** she put me through, whatever trauma happend with me. the *** she put my brother through. i can forgive her for what she did to me because what the *** am i anyways? she can put me through all the tests she likes, but i'm fine with it.  but i will never forgive for what she does to that little boy.

I'm hungry. I'm tired. I feel sick.

Yet I have no choice around her. 

@amiableBunny4016 were you able to get anything to eat?

@LoveMyMoonflowers

nope. but its fine, im not hungry anymore

so.... hi. 

 my awkwardness cannot get any worse than it already has

@amiableBunny4016 it's okie bun ❤️

i'm contemplating something that just feels wrong in my head.

@amiableBunny4016 (*no pressure at all* but Ni friend here if you want to talk about it friend) ❤️

@amiableBunny4016 What's on your mind Bunny? 

mmmm...

@amiableBunny4016 Bunny? What's going on in that head of yours? 

@mytwistedsoul

hmm..... nothing. just same old really. the same depressing thoughts that always circle me. 💙 and figuring out when her next tantrum will begin... this is how i learn maths. by counting her various attitudes of behaviour.

@amiableBunny4016 It sucks 😞 It's never right for anyone to have to live and grow up in a house like that 💙 Have you eaten yet today?

@mytwistedsoul

i'm not hungry to be honest. i had some water tho. i've fed the little one tho.

@amiableBunny4016 Hungry or not you should still eat something. Even if it's something small 💙 

@mytwistedsoul

there is no need to think or worry about my hunger. 💙 worry as you like, but it will not benefit you friend. neither will it benefit me. 💙 just be safe.

@amiableBunny4016 One of the top 10 rules is to eat when an opportunity presents itself. Especially if you didn't eat the day before. You eat for the hunger to come. You are right though. Worrying doesn't benefit anyone, but people wouldn't worry if they didn't care, right? 

@mytwistedsoul

okay. 

@amiableBunny4016 sorry 💙

@mytwistedsoul

why sorry? 💙 i will have to banned "sorry" word if you didnt do anything wrong! hehe. 💙 *sits with you*

@amiableBunny4016 Sometimes I think the things I say come across too forceful and gruff. Sometimes I should just be quiet. I overstep. Our situations are similar but not the same and you need to do what is right for you in your situation 💙