i wonder if moms changed... or is she the same

idk why im crying...

@amiableBunny4016

*Sends the biggest huuugggiiee for bunny bean* 💜 

so... i'm home i guess. the same walls. the same doors. the same mess. 

@amiableBunny4016 Was your brother happy to see you at least? 

@mytwistedsoul

yeah. i guess so.

@amiableBunny4016 How are you feeling being back there? 

@mytwistedsoul

i don't want to be here. i feel sick....

@amiableBunny4016 I'm sorry that was a dumb question for me to ask. I don't blame you for not wanting to be there. It's not as though it holds many good memories for you. Is she at least being civil to you? 

i dont know what to think.

i sat in the car, and she didn't say a word or even look at me.

i entered the house.. and she gave me a sad and depressing look.

she's just being really quiet. And shut herself in a room. 

whats wrong with her?

@amiableBunny4016 i don’t mean to intrude or anything but… idk, maybe she’s feeling guilty…? :') idk just a thought. 💙 i'm sorry she's acting that way friend :(

i understand why bunnie friend's not liking being there much. :') 

@amiableBunny4016 Would you feel comfortable asking her? Even just to ask her if she's happy you're home at least. Or idk - idk 😶

@mytwistedsoul @LoveMyMoonflowers

i'm sitting here on the other side of the locked door. i heard her sob earlier, but it seems like she has calmed down a bit. I keep trying to comfort her or say something nice, but she just doesnt speak. idk.. 

@amiableBunny4016 oh i see, friend. 💜 :') I don’t really know either.. 

@amiableBunny4016 I wish I knew what to tell you Bunny. Maybe she feels guilty or just sorry that things turned out the way they did. I could probably think of a dozen reasons and it probably isn't any of them 

You're a good daughter. Trying to comfort her 💙 

@mytwistedsoul

i think... im just going to have the unlock this door with the magic trick i used to do as a kid. one thing abuse taught me... was how to unpick and unlock doors. oh well.... we'll see how it goes. i'll try to talk to her.

@amiableBunny4016 It's a handy trick to have. Good luck - be safe. We're with you in spirit 💙

@amiableBunny4016 please try to be safe Bun 💜 

i think she has no courage to look into my eyes anymore or even see my face.

all she does is sob and moan and make weird noises... and if i touch her she just gets scared.

@amiableBunny4016 Maybe she sees that you're not the same Bunny you were before. I wish I knew. Maybe just give her some space. You just got out of the hospital - this is the last thing you needed to deal with 

If you feel the need to do something - maybe make something light for supper for your brother. Offer her some tea and toast maybe? 

*offers safe hugs* I'm sorry you have this happening your first day home 😞

@mytwistedsoul

i dont feel hungry. i didnt have breakfast either.. idk.  he said he already ate earlier and is full and went to bed early.... apperantly felt tired. *hugs* i might just clean up the house and get the wipes and spray out. and clean up the cupboards. and vacum the house. 

might make her feel better. 

i just need someone's comfort. i just.. want to talk. about something. anything. 

@amiableBunny4016 now i'm remembering our conversation about headlines and abbreviations and the one about the urban dictionary. for some reason. 

pfft..... she just proved she doesnt regret anything in a few seconds with a few words.

bro.. telling me it was my fault and telling me to go away is the first words she has to say.

this is a *** joke.

@amiableBunny4016 That's terrible ☹️ be careful Bun :( 

she is actually taking the ***. all this being nice and being a good daughter. just *** off already. i dont know what *** mindset im living in trying to be nice with her. *** ***.

i need to.... take a minute. cya all later.

Makes me think that a leopard doesn't change its spots. I know they're your family. But you know what? F*vk them. You don't need that crap. You ARE a good daughter. She's just to sh*tty of a parent to see it 💙

@mytwistedsoul

i'm sorry. but is she feeling pity for herself? what has god written in my fate? i hope no other child has to live the fate i have to. all these tears, all these yells and screams, all this love i poured out, i poured out everything i could even when dad was here. man, i cant help but.... long for somewhere to call home.

@amiableBunny4016 She could be. Let her feel sorry for herself. Narcissistic self centered. You take care of you. You just worry about you ok? You e gone through h3ll these past months. A lot of it was because of her. So let her wallow in her self pity. Take care of you. God only knows what BS she was filling your brother's head with while you were in the hospital. Do what you need to do to survive the now. Until you can get the h3ll out of that house and away from them all

@mytwistedsoul

i won't last long anyways. just a few years to go. and then i can be gone somewhere. dang man, i didn't expect this. i didnt even expect an apology, i just thought she might treat me better yk. she might calm down and all that. but noo. *** no. lol. oh well.... guess just another night to cry myself to sleep and mourn whatever is left of this house.

@amiableBunny4016 I know. I used to think it too. That this time it'll be different. That they'll realize what they did. They'll feel bad. They just feel bad for themselves that's all. 

I know it hurts. You don't deserve this. You never asked for any of it. And I'll be the first one to say it's not fair. Because it isn't. You've gone through the worst of it already. This is the backside of the storm. Just focus on you now

i don't feel pity.

i don't feel sad.

i don't feel frustrated.

i don't feel depressed.

i'm fine.

i'm a great liar <3

@amiableBunny4016 Just wanted to check in with you 💙 How are things?

@mytwistedsoul

just the same old. got beaten last night... she decided to strangle me because apperantly everything was my fault. lol. <3

@amiableBunny4016 that's absolutely horrible Bunny. ☹️ You don’t deserve any of that sh*t. 

F**k her. 

@LoveMyMoonflowers

i'll live. we are going back to the old chapters of my life once again...

@amiableBunny4016 I wish i could shake the world to rid it of every abuser and bully and ***. Fr f**k her 

@amiableBunny4016 Jesus she didn't waste any time. She couldn't even go 24 hours with out laying her hands on you