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The only thing left is memories (Ape's diary, no peaking)

User Profile: Bearainy
Bearainy July 17th, 2024

Tw; domestic, sexual abuse, PTSD,  (possible Schizophrenia, DID) social anxiety, family stress.


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Hi buddies. Hugs for you all. This is my diary. No reply please. Love you.


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"When I stand before thee at the end of the day'thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healings."

—Tagore's 《Stray Birds》


224
User Profile: Bearainy
Bearainy OP September 3rd, 2024

Apeatrice.

Hugs tight,honey.

I know everything is really hard to take in right now, and you are feeling overloaded and overwhelmed. But I Believes in you, you can pull us through.

And I respect yourjudgments and decisions.

Love


Apeatrice

User Profile: Bearainy
Bearainy OP September 3rd, 2024

I am happy for the privilege to change, to grow.

I am happy because the overcasting sky.

I am happy for a new day, this day.

User Profile: Bearainy
Bearainy OP September 3rd, 2024

Apeatrice

✨Sending love and strength✨


I believes in you, honey. Today won't be easy, but I trust you will make it through.

You are strong and beautiful and brilliant. You can do this.

Thank you for not giving up even though its hard


Apeatrice

User Profile: Bearainy
Bearainy OP September 3rd, 2024

I am happy for the dewn of another day.

I am happy for achieving 7 days clean.

I am happy for the privilege of having them as my best friends

User Profile: Bearainy
Bearainy OP September 5th, 2024

@Apeatrice

Hey honey. I'm so sorry about what had happened yesterday, please remember yo be gentle with yourself, love.

Am so proud of you,dear. For making your 8 th day.

Stay strong, stay resilient and determinated.

Sending strength and luck.

Hope all goes well during check up, when ever it is.

Apeatrice

User Profile: Bearainy
Bearainy OP September 5th, 2024

I am happy for starting something new.

I am happy for the beginning of another day.

I am happy to be living in the present.

User Profile: Bearainy
Bearainy OP September 8th, 2024
Apeatrice

Honey, I'm so glad you found the strength to reconstruct your life after all that terrible stuff that has happened in the last couple of weeks.
You 've been so brave and strong and am so proud of youuu.
Please remember to treat yourself gentle with love and care.
You may not know what to do, may not know what future holds, may not know what to say, but please remember, I believes in you.
Trust in your own decisions and judgments, you will be fine.

Lots of love.
 (8/9/24)
Apeatrice




Reasons to be happy;

I'm happy to have found my old hair band.
I'm overjoyed to have friends and things I loved.
I'm grateful to behold the privilege of shaping my future.


(8/9/24)

Feels like I'm going to suffocate with the amount of stuff needed my attention. I'm sooo stupid, I didn't even try to do them, its all goung down.
I hate myself, there's nothing that I can ever accomplish. 
I'm so much of a jerk, belonging to the trash bin.
Why bother?
I don't wanna to stop therapy, I don't want to do reading practice, I don't wanna to get along with my god mother, I don't wanna to be with my dad and uncle. 
They makes me feel scared and uncomfortable.
I don't know what to do with all the stress and uncertainty and nothing I 'm doing seems to help. 
I have no one to call, no one to talk to in real life.

I'm a total failure. 
What am I going to do now? I thought I can , but in reality...
Ok ok so


Something triggered me and I remember how I found those messages so long ago.
Reminding why I can no longer feel safe around my uncle, my dad...
Guilty because they are going through so much and am not even grateful.

User Profile: Bearainy
Bearainy OP September 8th, 2024

Apeatrice

Hey buddy, I 'm super proud of you for being so determined and caring to everyone. I love your bravery, for no one else can handle the situation better than you did. I respect your decision and feelings, they matters. I love the way you smile and I'll embrace you when you shed tears.

You are amazing and beautiful and beloved.

Hugs 

Apeatrice

User Profile: Bearainy
Bearainy OP September 8th, 2024

I'm happy to have found my mint pops🤣

I'm grateful for the app I found.

I'm happy for am growing


User Profile: Bearainy
Bearainy OP September 9th, 2024

Apeatrice

I love you.

I'm so sorry for you are broken hearted by having to drop therapy and that you are losing your mind of all the stress and loads. looking at yyou, I saw a little girl, lost and pieces on the ground.

So much has happened, but no one could have handled the situation better than you can. I believes in you.

I respect your decisionof not opening up to anyone in the short run, but I also wanna you to know, that help is always available.

Sending strength and coffee.

Apeatrice

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