In the Corner
Sometimes, the thoughts in my head repeat over and over and over again until I need to tell them to someone, even if noone's listening. So, this is my little corner to do that. Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. Trigger warnings, just incase. And, @LoveMyMoonflowers, @justmeeva @DarkerPlaces and @iloveyouxx are welcome to replies. Not really comfortable with anyone else. Sorry for tagging. Be safe everyone <3
The plan: leave a goodbye-for-now message, deactivate cups for a month or more, try not to drown in studies and work on accepting the fact that sooner or later, i’m going to have to face mom
The execution: come to cups, check flowers’ solace, find flowers gone, decide i cant leave just yet, try to form a new plan, find out we have lots of guests today, and the rest….im still doing :/
@unassumingEyes in hindsight the plan was very weak
@justmeeva and @iloveyouxx (if u see this)
Ok made a new plan here we go
ok so i will only be on cups for one hour per day. Sometimes lesser. This is for two months i.e till May 16. May 17 will establish a new routine depending on the situation then.
There are other parts of the plan but this is the part concerning you all
Unfortunately I don’t have a plan B or C yet. The plan i came up with last night had plans B and C, but all went in the trash just minutes ago- this is the fastest I could improvise.
If i am not on cups for a period of 3days one after the other, and not responding to tags, and anyone is worried, create one post in the corner tagging me, and wait for a week more. If after a week more I do not re-appear, assume that I have left for unknown time period due to urgent reasons, not because of anyone here. I would suggest you move on if i am gone for a month (extremely unlikely) but that would probably recieve a good amount of protests.
Sincere apologies if I leave without any notice. I will be back, and I will try to make up for it. This is an unlikely scenario of me leaving, and only mentioned because of mom, and sis, and situations. It is noones fault if i leave. Love yall ❤️
if this message felt formal, or in any way distant, then it is because I am rather distant right now, and keeping away from the emotional aspects of my planning. Still love you ❤️
@unassumingEyes
no matter how long it takes, i’ll be waiting ❤️
@justmeeva
me too ^🩷 love you eyesbuddy❤️ I’ll just cherish whatever time I get with yous :P🤍tho I know we don’t talk much :'D It’s okie💜 I get the distant thing. I’ve been distancing myself for quite a while now :D🤍 hope you’ll be okie- really do💜 I’ll try and come out of hiding more often ;-; if you’ll only be on for a while :')🩷 *sending virtual hugs for when you feel like it*💕💕
There is an unknown amount of minutes till mom is home, so i need to keep the ipad and start studying fast. I hope to see @LoveMyMoonflowers again soon. Again, sorry for the rather distant messages. My emotions are a bit far back right now. I will you tomorrow now @justmeeva. Take care lovely 💕
@unassumingEyes
take care, and seriously please do ❤️
Hm hm hm
I dont wanna study :p but gotta :p
Im in a weird mood today. I think yesterday tired my brain lol i hv very few thoughts nd none of them is worrying/panicking about smth :p
I did a decent amount of studying today i think. Still gonna do more but i feel a bit proud (its more than ive done in weeks- this burnout been hard)
(Had a daymare today…really long too. Tried to ground myself back to the present a few times, didnt work. To give yall an idea on “daymares”, i just spent almost an hour vividly imagining my sisters (Tw) dea*th and the aftermath. Dark? Welcome to daymares.
Sooooooo hi lovelies :p
_casually slides in a trigger warning just incase_
last night my grandmother was like, you need to get x marks in the exam overall. And im like, God willing etc. but in my head?
”Mom’s enough pressure, thank you very much”
Ive given up even trynna not-disappoint/anger mom! I dont have a goal set rn. Can you believe that? Ive always had an exam goal (no, not really, ive always had an exam goal since i moved schools, since i had noone to tell me that its okay if i dont get the marks she expects me to)
im just- doing my best. That’s it. No goal. Ill do my best and see what happens, and if it’s awful and disappointing and heartbreakingly bad for my parents,
well. it is what it is. 🤷🏻♀️
Tw its weird. Moms angry. Sis is angry. They’re not angry with each other. Reportedly dad, countries away from us, is also angry. I have not seen these ppl for 5 hours till just 5 mins ago. So they are not angry with me.
…what…?
Mom and sis muttering to each other bout how tired they are and theres a tiny, petty part in the back of my mind that’s acknowledging the fact that ive been studying for hours and whispering
“I’m tired, too.”
best to keep my mouth shut.
Its stupid to get emotional over shows but i almost cried 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
context: mom gave my aunt my shoes (which i wear at home) without asking me because aunt’s shoes are too loud. Now i have no shoes to wear at home and Im super frustrated. Plus, for months before we moved I didnt hv shoed to wear at home, not because of money problems but because mom refused to buy any saying ill get them when we move. Months before we moved. And now we moved and she gave mine to aunt when i just got em without asking me nd im just so frustrated rn