In the Corner

Im like venting so much today sorry im just like not- idk. Ive been up since 4am. With a fever. I think i hv the right to not be able to control my thoughts rn lol

@unassumingEyes

hey no it’s okay <3 this is our safe space, it’s your safe space too <3 you’re allowed to talk here and let those thoughts out, ok? <3 i know your brain might have some second thoughts about it - wondering, oh why am i venting so much or why did i say this that way, or what i said didn’t make sense… our brains think so much, they seem to overthink every little thing :') 

or idk maybe i don’t even know what i’m talking about lol 😅

@LoveMyMoonflowers no u make sense :0 thnk u flowers <3

@unassumingEyes

lots of love to you <3 

Tw Hmmmm

hmmmm

thinking of late family members today

myt word vomit myt not

@LoveMyMoonflowers what do you mean sm hv alters that never front?!/lh 

nah bcz i didnt know that

*thinks. Pauses. Thinks*

*weakly* cn i hv a therapist, please?

@unassumingEyes

one of my others doesn’t front often. she is usually co-conscious with me. alters don’t just front, they can be co-conscious… and they can use passive influence… it’s not just being at the front. oftentimes, systems may not even be completely sure who is at the front. it’s normal and it’s okay not to know who’s fronting, too <3 (that channel i told you about, their system has made videos exploring terms such as co-conscious/co-con, passive influence and so on.) 

i’m sorry eyes :') 😞 *hugs you* 

@LoveMyMoonflowers *pauses*

*processes*

im okay…just thinking…a lot… 

thanks for the info frnd <3 i got noone irl who knows anything

@unassumingEyes

im sorry i’m dumping too much information 😭

@LoveMyMoonflowers nooo frnd i hv no other info lol its nice to hv someone who knows sm stuff to ask <3

@unassumingEyes

okay… 

Tw death and hospitalization nd stuffs

paternal aunt she was with ventilator and stuffs and i just…

she wasnt breathing on her own and i was like 11 and i didnt get what the values on the machine meant

Nd one i heard dad mutter to cousin that the value given on this row was for like rate of her breathing without the machines help or whatever.

So ijust watched it nd she was in coma nd i cldnt speak but i thought to myself to her again nd again to just breathe, breathe, u got this, breathe

nd she went frm like rlly low numbers to 12 one day and i told mom and mom told dad nd he told uncle nd cousin nd everyone started hoping

and another day (we went every friday) all the adults went to pray nd i stood next to sis and kept saying in my head, just till 12, just do till 12, cmon just 12 u cn u did it before just 12

nd she reached 12 nd mom came back nd i told her nd they hoped again

nd one tuesday cousin called nd said hed gone for his daiky visit at 4pm nd found out she passed at 6am nd the hospital folks didnt tell anyone

First time i saw nd heard dad cry. I think i was in shock. I remember i cldnt process it

my maternal grandfather passed on a sunday. My paternal aunt passed on a tuesday. My paternal grandfather passed on a tuesday, jan 25, 2022

idk why this keeps going on in jy head. Over nd over again i keep remember the moments i found out theyd gone, the moments leading upto that. Was it the hospital trip? Idk

Tw Me: i am not going to process ALL of their deaths today, no way.

my brain: ahem ahem-

Tw Ow, mister needle, Ow

@unassumingEyes its off finally

@unassumingEyes

good. <3

Why are people so people-y

@unassumingEyes

ikr lol :')

Tw two of my cousins saw my..."peeled" fingers yesterday and asked what happened. And ofc my dumb sis had to tell em i did it like whats ur problem man im not doing it so u cn tell the whole world

Anyways i cut my nails today so i cnt do it now.

Aaaand light went

How I feel sometimes: new law, its illegal for my friends to be hurt :p

But a life without pain wldnt be good either, would it? Sometimes i think of Heaven, eternal happiness, and feel uncomfortable. Like that's...wrong. 

But new law! Its illegal for my friends to be hurt xD 

Someday ill write write a poem that ends in "I love you, I miss you, Goodbye"

Not yet, tho. Ive tried, but not yet. Someday =D 

Tw Kites are the opposite of safe. U  know the threads to fly a kite? Shopkeepers sell really sharp ones. These are extremely dangerous. People use them to use their kite to cut off another person's kite, either for a competition or to steal the others kite. But if these threads fall on someone else, theyre sharp- really, really, sharp. There have been cases of tw people-not-surviving. Even kids. Its really really reallyyyyy dangerous. Its also illegal. If ur seen on the roof of ur home at night when the police is passing by, they'll take u even if theres no kite near u. Nothings safe here lol.

I just- i just feel so tired and i realky wanna cry but smone will walk in nd see nd i dont- i just 

Ive never cut or- or wanted to but rn i just, its so damn tempting rn

Im not hurting im just tired okay 

theres a difference 

idk what the difference is but its there

this is so stupidd

Im wasting cups 

@unassumingEyes 

wasting cups..?

@justmeeva yea its for ppl who need it.

@unassumingEyes 

you know, it goes both ways, the people here can get support but also offer it. if you feel like you don’t need it, then it doesn’t mean you’re not needed here.. you’re an amazing and important part of this community, to me at least.. 🩷

@justmeeva yall frndos probably the only reason i hvnt left cups- but ur here, so u dont need to worry bout me leaving (unless sis or mom do smth but yea)

@unassumingEyes 

my strange pov:

i like to sometimes think of this as something kind of wholesome: we’re on this journey called life, but we have some awesome people now to travel with us. we can grow together, get through it all, we really have someone now.. isn’t it kind of.. wow? some people from the other side of the world care about you, understand you, listen to you.. i’d say it’s all an incredible opportunity, why not use it? i myself want to do my best to keep my friends, to keep you 🩷

@unassumingEyes

*sits with you* 🩷

Tw 7yr old cousin got sick too now. Join the clubbb/sar

@unassumingEyes ughhh :p 

Tw *this* close to crying 

Or cut-

@unassumingEyes

eyes buddy…? 🥺

@unassumingEyes 

anything i can do..? 🥺

@justmeeva i just need sleep maybe. I think im sick of being at my relatives house, too. but i dont to shift either and

can i just go back to kuwait? I just wanna go back to school 🥺