A Space For The Unsaid (Personal Diary)

@Optimisticempath

I just wanna say this... keep going! You got this.

@LilMsSunflower i dont think I do but thank you for your kindness  😅 I really like your username 🌻

@Optimisticempath

thinking of you Opti *hugs if okie* 💜

@amiableBunny4016

Bunwee 💕 me always happy to see chu 🤗 thinking of you too, how've you been? it's weekend here...how's you spending weekend?

@Optimisticempath

hi. nothing much. just sitting in my thoughts staring at the window. hope your having a good weekend. 💜 

I could use a virtual hug, Empath.  My beloved cat, Trouble, passed away yesterday.  I always hated his name.  He was the neighbor's cat, originally, but he insisted on moving in with me instead.  He already knew his name, so I didn't want to change it.  I used to say, "even though his name is Trouble, he is no trouble at all," and he really wasn't.   He was such a good cat.  Trouble was a gray and black tabby cat.  I used to say, "he wore his very best tiger stripes just for you."  I only had him for about a year.  The neighbors didn't have him neutered or vaccinated, so he wound up with FIV and FeLV before I got him.  In the end, it was the FeLV that did him in.  The vet managed to turn things around for him many times, so I was hopeful.  Still, Trouble seemed to be telling me that he was trying but that it was time.  The vet checked him over good and said Trouble's heart was still strong.  I wasn't surprised by that at all.  Of course his heart was still strong, he always had a big, strong heart full of love for life, creatures, and people. 

He was there for me when I lost Sable Cat and my mom.  He's the only cat left who'd rush to me when I'd cry.  He offer me comfort and love.  My other two cats run when I cry as though they're scared.  That's okay, we all have different needs and personalities, but it sure made me appreciate Trouble's steadfast love and support.  I don't have a kind, loving family, so it really made a big difference to me.  They've been awful over his passing, because that's just who they are.  It hasn't helped. 

I guess it just seems so unfair.  The neighbors weren't good to him.  He had to stay outdoors.  I remember when he first came inside here, he slept and slept where he finally felt safe and could truly relax.  He finally had enough food to fill his belly.  And he was so grateful for it, too.  He appreciated his food.  Trouble had to adapt to being neutered.  Then he had to give up the great outdoors totally.  He couldn't even go on walks or out to the catio, out of fear that he could sick or could spread the disease.  It was vet's orders, since Trouble had no immune system.  Then, he had to have several teeth taken out.  Naturally, the neglectful neighbors hadn't bothered to care for his teeth, so some were rotten.  Poor Trouble even lost his fangs!  Yet, time and time again, he handled these changes with good grace.  He never complained!  He always seemed so appreciative of the least little thing bestowed to him.  He loved life. He loved being my cat.  He was so, so, so happy.  Simply elated - every single day.  Trouble had such a strong spirit.  He adapted and he thrived.  Until he simply couldn't anymore.    

Anyway, I guess I'm telling you because I know you'll understand.  

@GoldenNest2727

You know what?  I've read this whole diary from the beginning, and it has really helped change my perspective.  There's lots of care and compassion shown within this thread and that is amazing to see.  We have a fantastic community of supportive people at 7 Cups. 

My gratitude list:
*So, I've lost my beloved cat, but boy was I fortunate to have him for as long as I did.!  How lucky was I that he picked me!

*I was so blessed to be able to afford his medical care.  Two years ago, I wouldn't have been able to do that!  Not only that, but I could also get his special food and special cat litter. Plus, I could order his favorite toys and scratchers.  How amazing that he popped into my life, just when things turned around for me financially.  What a blessing!

*Because Trubs had good vet care and a safe home, I know he didn't suffer.  He had a good life.

*I know in my heart that he was happy and felt loved.  So did I.   What more could be needed. 

*I may not have a supportive family, but I have good friends, I have a steadfast, long-term listener; and, I have you guys to lean on.  I am so lucky! 💗

@GoldenNest2727 Nest I'm so sorry to hear about your feline friend 😞 Losing a furry family member is so hard.  They have such unique personalities and bring so much to our lives and leave gaping holes in them when they pass. I bet he loved the treats and toys you gave him. You gave him a much needed home and gave him love and he loved you back. ❤️ He sounds like he was a pretty cool cat *sending you strength and offering hugs* ❤️ 

@mytwistedsoul

Thank you for thinking of us, mytwistedsoul!  It means a lot! 💜

@GoldenNest2727 ❤️❤️

@GoldenNest2727

Golden me is so sorry for coming to this so late 🥺 the fact you wanted to share with me and knew I'd care and I'd understand and want to do whatever it takes to support you means a lot to me. You've been a great friend to me and It is always a grateful feeling to be able to show you some kindness and support you too. You deserve it as well. i wish i could go back in time to sit with you when you needed most :( im really sorry about that and it is so heart breaking to hear about your cat :( wh y would your neighbour's name him trouble tho..maybe in light fun 😅either way, he sounds like just the bestest cat ever, who had faced so much difficulties yet kept his fighting spirit and love for life alive even till his last moments .... something to take inspiration from 🥰 

Golden I'm so so sorry for your loss... having loved someone so much and with furry beans it's always unconditional love 🥺so its extra special ....I haven't been fortunate enough to experience of this love ... but from what I've heard and seen from others..  it's always such a special feeling 💕 im so glad you both had each other to comfort and love and look after... the many amazing memories you created and the pawprints trubs left on your heart... nothing can take it away 💕 take your time to grieve 🥺 you deserve all the time for it and for honoring your sweet kitty ... *hugs you 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 many hugs for you 

It is so inspiring you counted so many blessings here .... like even in this low moment you remembered to take time to express and feel grateful ... that's something admirable Golden. Im v proud of youu 🥺🥺

@Optimisticempath

But you are sitting with me now, Empath.  That's what counts.  And your entire thread truly lifted me up when I needed it most.  Your care for others really shines through.  You are so genuine and earnest.  Thank you for caring about me, Empath.  It means more than you could ever know.  💕

It sounds like you're dealing with big emotions yourself at the moment.  Can I do anything to help?  You can lean on me, too.  

@Optimisticempath

They named him Trouble because they claimed he fought a lot and was mean.  He always seemed docile to me.  The only thing that I can figure is that he was a tom cat fighting for mating rites.  He was also underfed, which probably played a part in it as well.  It's amazing that he never ever fought with my other cats. He never scratched or bit me.  He was the sweetest cat from day one, even before I had him neutered (he remained the neighbor's cat at first, and they thought neutering was unnatural.  They were ignorant).  His name was Trouble, but he was no trouble at all.  He noped out of their lives pretty quickly and demanded to move in here.  He acted like he didn't know them.  They finally gave up after about 6 months or so.  I had him vaccinated and fixed after that.  He already had FIV and FeLV, unfortunately.  

@Optimisticempath You've been in my thoughts lately OptiBear ❤️ I hope you're doing ok 

@mytwistedsoul Soul bear you the bestest best ❤ thankchu for being here to support goldennest 🥺 it means a lot to me Soul, you never miss any chance to show kindness to everyone ❤ *hugs you tight 🤗🤗🤗🤗

im alive ..breathing..here😅 thinking of you always 💕

@Optimisticempath Hey you ❤️ I was hoping you didn't mind me doing that for Nest. I'm sorry if I overstepped

@mytwistedsoul no no Soul 😮 you is never overstepping and no need to apologize too ❤ it was vvv you-like to comfort our friend and be supportive as always when they needed, im really really glad you were here and said what you did 🤗 you are just the bestest Soul in the universe ❤

how's you holding up w everything Soul? me wants you to remember to be gentle with yourself even if it tuff sometimes 🥺 you deserve gentleness always okiii💕💕

@Optimisticempath When ever things are a mess I read your posts and replies to me. Idk maybe that makes me pathetic but your words mean alot to me and your gentle reminders help ❤️ You're such a sweet and wonderful friend OptiBear. I can't even begin to to tell you how much you mean to me 🥹 but I am so grateful for you and your friendship 

Holding up? Scotch tape - bubble gum and I think there's a paper clip in there somewhere. Thank you for asking ❤️

How are you? *weaves some new charms to keep the bad thoughts at bay* ❤️❤️ Lots and lots of love to you OptiBear

How are you, Empath?  

@Optimisticempath Milky bear 💙🥛🧸

@LoveMyMoonflowers flower buddy you are so awesome 🥺 hugs you v tight 🤗🤗

@Optimisticempath

*hugggs youuu* <3

I hope you're feeling a bit better this evening

@slowdecline48 aw thanks for replying here 💕 im ok mostly i guess...

how are you doing today?

Eh...could be worse, could be better. Life is a mixed bag, is it not?

im sorry for all the sad things i post here 😅 me just wants to take a moment to appreciate you all for being here and putting up with me .... me appreciates you so so very much and vv grateful for your presence in me life 💕💕💕 sends lots of luvvsssss and huggieees🤗🤗🤗

ill only ever be grateful to support you or do something for you too...like even if it's just sitting with you..ik it gets lonely and sad sometimes and you no need to go through it alone either 🥺 me no do much but me cares vv much and here for you too 💕💕💕💕

be kind to you too ok... tryyyy😤 hehe sorry sometimes brain needs that extra kick to be a lil decent ...😅 ...so yes try to be kind to you 💕💕

@Optimisticempath

Thank you for the reminder, Optimus! 🧸☺🤗

you have been an awesome person, you are there for others. I hope you be kind to you too! 🤗

@VictoriaLove7 thank you rainbow bear 🌈🧸 you are vv awesome 🤗 

@Optimisticempath

awwe milky bear 🥺 your so so sweet as owlways. there’s absolutely no need to be sorry 💕 it’s okie to post sad things sometimes 🥲 your allowed to feel what you feel buddy 💜 

thank you for taking the time to post this lovely appreciation 🥺 sending much love your way 💜

You know what? You're a sweetheart. ❤️🥰

Don't be sorry for sharing your thoughts and feelings. They matter. You matter to us. 💕🤍

🫶

Luvsssss and huggieeees back to youuuuu!!! Hehe 💕💕

@Yougotmyback 🥺🥺 *keeps hugging youu 💕💕💕💕💕

Awww moreeee hugsssss for the sweeetestttt🥹🫶🏻💕

Hello, howdy, hi, what'cha up to, Empath?  I was just thinking about you today and wanted to stop by for a visit.  

@GoldenNest2727

goldennn your so kind to think of me 🥺 thanks vvv much, it means a lot to me 💕 and for the very needed reminder too 😭

idk how i have been or i am doing tbh, its just so blurry and weird...i wanna say im ok but my ok would mean im not aware of reality or that im just not allowing me to feel anything ... vv detached and isolated lately 😅 so most days I'm ok because im not thinking or feeling lol.. idk what's worse tho... not ok or not feeling anything at all...mhmmm 😮

sorry for the ramble...😅 

im ok mostly.. existing 💕 

how have you been? how you holding up since Trouble (let's call him Bubble🥺) 

Sending big hugs 🤗 hope you being kind to yourself dear friend!! 

ever felt so weird about everything you just don't know anymore? 

how are you? idk 

what you been upto? idk

ate? idk 

slept? idk

who are you? idk 

idk really what am i even doing 🤡 life's a whole lot blur lately and i just dont know anything any more...

@Optimisticempath

awwe i get that completely milky bear. 🥺 you definitely not alone in that buddy 💜 questions like how are you and who are you and what have you been up to can defo be confusing (': i hear that. 💙 me understand that feeling 💜 

@Optimisticempath hmmm... Idk JK

too much that it's all the time. At this point I'm not even an active participant in my own life anymore 

*Squeezies OptiBear* ❤️😊

Totally understandable. I actually don't like the question 'how are you' haha. Never having a response. xD

Probably we should start asking - Choose the correct option ❤️😂 (list of emotions)

Now my brain is trying to convert other questions in the same way! Seems like my creativity is hidden. (As it should be) 😂

I understand the feeling of not knowing anything anymore and I can relate to it. But hey, who knows life anyways? So unpredictable, isn't it? xD

None of my plans ever worked but maybe sometimes we should just keep floating. ❤️🐾

(And hug people! *Hugs*) 🤍🌸

@Optimisticempath

🥛🧸, me can relate to that, a lot of times the answer is 'i don't know'. But 🌈🧸 hopes that you keep going. First things first, eat well & sleep well,🥛🧸. Me thinks you are a great person! 🥛🧸🤗

@Optimisticempath

No, never.  I always know. I don't understand not knowing.  It's you.  Surely you know yourself.   Do you really not know, or do you just feel uncomfortable with sharing?  Maybe you've been told that your answers were wrong in the past, so you avoid giving an answer at all, even to yourself.  Huh, that's something to chew on.  I've never thought about it before.  I've always known.