Evolution of Values: Embracing Change

@SoulfullyAButterfly

You always have such thought-provoking posts, Butterfly. Thanks for sharing this one. Hoefully what I say will make sense. It's a little hard to fully put into words....

I think a value I have now that "younger me" lacked was empathy. I have always tried to be a sincere person, but life brings on a lot of experience that shapes us. I used to be unable to connect emotionally with people because I really didn't spend much time trying to understand how other people processed their emotions or experiences. I don't always say the right things when I respond to the pain of others. I'll be learning lessons until I draw my final breath. But I do hope that when I connect with others, they don't feel judged or pitied. If I unintentionally say something and discover it had negative impact, accountability is necessary, to acknowledge the other person's reaction right away. Being defensive is rarely productive, and I hope that empathy is the stronger truth felt. It's important that I am genuine as I build connections with the humans I care about. A recent lesson I have learned as that words mean more to some than others. And the emotional impact as we write words can be interpreted very differently by those who read them. We must be mindful of intent, and that takes follow-up. We can't simply say something and assume the other person will receive the message as intended. It requires empathy to work through those moments. Luckily I am blessed to interact with some wonderful humans who help me understand more about myself and are gentle and tolerant as I continue to grow in empathy.

@MidwesternCalmSeeker Hi there! Thank you so much for the appreciation and for sharing your thoughts, especially when it took some vulnerability. Reading through your experiences reminded me of this spectrum:

You are a great active listener who seems to value empathy and I really appreciate you recognizing how it takes time and experience in growing some of these skills. You highlight the importance of communication and understanding very well too. I notice a compassionate goal in your experiences and work, and I fully support your growth and development in all these key areas. We start with acknowledgment of values, and with engagement, we can definitely continue to nurture them. 💖

@MidwesternCalmSeeker

it doesn’t surprise me that someone lacked empathy in their younger days and it developed over time as they got older.  I also lacked empathy when I was younger.  It amazes me that some teens actually have enough empathy to be listeners!  I certainly didn’t have enough empathy at their age!

Thank you so much soul for this wonderful post - it’s well/put together . I value I’ve grown to accept is it’s ok to be assertive through loss and it’s not selfish to ask for what you want when you feel low as I was taught.

@GoldenRuleJG and @hope

oh what a great thought.  I never thought of asking for what I need as a value.  But it certainly is!

Thank you Krist - it’s tough sometimes things make you not not to do it , context etc, feeling watched 💛

Thanks for the thoughtful message, Xaverie

Stay blessed 🙏💛

@GoldenRuleJG

You're always welcome, Golden! I appreciate your gratitude. Thank you, and have a blessed day! 💜💜

@SoulfullyAButterfly

A top value I used to have that I've seemed to have replaced with another is honestly.

I used to be honest about pretty much anything. I was pretty unfiltered, in the way children and youth are. It was important to me.

As I got older I found humour took a top spot beside love and kindness. If people ask outright, I may be honest, but I choose to mind my own business, if that makes sense.

@communicativePond1728 and @ hope

humor is always a good thing!  I love humor!

@SoulfullyAButterfly While I have always believed in monogamy, when I was single I had this mindset... A dating/relationship and marriage are 2 very different things. If the parties are not married then it does not require commitment and people can "see" whoever else they like. You can up and leave at any given time. No ifs, ands, or buts. Marriage, on the other hand, is forever. While I believe in the values of truly committing yourself to your partner and being loyal and faithful, I now believe that not everyone is meant to be married nor do they have to be married to share and show their love for one another. So even in a committed relationship without being married, I believe that being monogamous is important. No more of the "I am a free agent mindset." 

Wonderful post. These values to be formed and reformed again require some good incidents apparently. Some volcanoes and tsunamis later, prioritising myself suddenly started to feel a bit normal. Boundaries are my tools: saying no to anything gives me so much pleasure and relief finally. Well, I am just flirting with the idea now, will need lots of practice to master any well sounded "no". That's something though. I am just wondering why have I even bothered to behave any different in the past? The answer is usual: safety related control issues and people pleasing attempts due to some childhood traumas. That being said, perfectionism is next thing to work on. Let's see what happens. Happy metamorphosis everyone 🖖

@crypticwhisperss1

Thank you Xaverie. Great to have you here. Hope you are taking good care of yourself and enjoying your time. Big smiles, good friends, calm and happy little breaks, birds songs in the morning, and what more.  Who said it has to be miserable all the time?

Take good care, so grateful for your nice comment, it did made me smile.

Happy spinning around the sun

@WavesandSea

Nice post. I love it.

@SoulfullyAButterfly and @hope

The biggest value that I have now that I didn’t have in the past is spirituality.  Growing up it was just something I HAD to do.  I HAD to go to church.  Now my relationship with a higher power is a relationship and I have it because I want it.

@Kristynsmama I absolutely love that for you! It seems you may have been (for lack of a better word) forced to do those things when you were younger. I believe having a relationship with the most high is so important in life. I would like to ask though-- do you think your past of what you "had" to do contributed to or influenced you and your decision to now? I am just curious, so hope you don't mind me asking. Either way, I love that you have established a relationship and make the choice to go stronger and close in your spirituality. <3 

@Kristynsmama

It is really which I can also relate. Now iam also connected with spirituality and it feel really Nice to be connected with supreme powers.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

The demanding nature of academic responsibilities and the uncertainties of the path ahead have underscored the importance of resilience in my daily life. It's not just about facing challenges but embracing them as opportunities for personal growth. Overcoming obstacles and persisting in the pursuit of my goals has become a core aspect of my value system.

@SoulfullyAButterfly What a great post! Thanks a lot for sharing❤️

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Earlier in life, my focus was often directed towards external achievements and goals. The idea of mindfulness, being fully present in the moment, was not a priority. However, a series of life experiences, particularly moments of stress and burnout, prompted a reevaluation of my values.

The catalyst for this change was a period of intense work-related pressure and personal challenges. I found myself constantly chasing future goals, neglecting the importance of the present moment. The toll on my mental and emotional well-being became evident, leading to a realization — the pursuit of external success should not come at the expense of internal harmony.

This realization marked a turning point, prompting me to explore mindfulness practices. Engaging in activities like meditation, deep breathing, and conscious awareness became integral to my daily routine. The shift in value from external achievement to internal well-being has brought about a profound positive change.

Now, the value of mindfulness shapes my approach to life. It influences the way I navigate challenges, engage with others, and prioritize self-care. Instead of being solely focused on future outcomes, there's a conscious effort to savor the present, finding joy and fulfillment in the journey itself.

This change in values has not only enhanced my mental and emotional resilience but has also positively influenced my relationships, work, and overall life satisfaction. The evolution towards valuing mindfulness serves as a constant reminder to appreciate the beauty of each moment and foster a sense of inner peace amid life's complexities.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Greetings, Butterfly. I hope that you're doing well. I completely agree that values are deeply held beliefs and principles that shape our attitudes, behaviors, and choices. They play a major role in shaping our identities and influencing the way that we interact with the world. 

Think of a value that you have now that you did not used to have, or one that has become more important to you. What life experiences led to this value changing? How does this change affect you now?

Throughout my own journey, I remember feeling intense pressure to conform to certain expectations and fit into a particular mold that was perceived as being academically successful. There was a time when I placed a great deal of importance on external validation and meeting the standards set by my teachers. I felt compelled to present myself in a way that would gain their approval and recognition. As a result, I often found myself hiding certain aspects of my true personality, suppressing my unique interests and perspectives, all in an effort to meet those expectations. 

However, over time, I began to realize that this approach was not sustainable nor fulfilling. It led me to question the authenticity of the validation that I sought and the impact it had on my overall well-being. 

This realization served as a precipitant for a significant shift in my values. I started placing greater importance on authenticity, embracing my true self, and pursuing my passions with genuine enthusiasm. I recognized that my true worth and fulfillment should not solely depend on external validation, but rather on honoring my own values, interests, and aspirations.

This change in values has had a profound impact on my life. I now prioritize personal growth, self-expression, and pursuing endeavors that align with my true passions. I was able to discover a greater sense of fulfillment, inner peace, and a stronger connection to my own identity, and it's all because I embraced my true personality.

Conclusion 🌹✨

While the journey of shedding the mask and seeking validation from within is ongoing, I have learned to appreciate the importance of being true to myself. I have found that when I honor my values and embrace my true personality, I am better able to engage with the world in a meaningful and authentic way.

Thank you! 💗🌸

~ Xaverie ♡

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Thank you for this great question.

One value that I have now that I did not used to have, or that has become more important to me, is compassion. Compassion is the ability to feel and show empathy and kindness towards ourselves and others, especially those who are suffering or in need¹. I used to be more numb since childhood, being an only child with helicopter parents and having an emotionally neglected childhood by parents and then growing up in a Military based school environment where being a “crybaby” is not an option and was made fun of. Seeing my parents worry about every little thing concerning me but shutting me down or not validating my concerns has made me think that I shouldn't feel too much, make them worry and that emotions are useless, so I learned to numb my emotions. and I did not care much about the feelings and needs of others. Instead I used to be annoyed and get uncomfortable seeing anyone cry or expressing their needs or emotions. I thought that everyone was responsible for their own happiness and problems, and that I did not have to help anyone since my parents have always modeled the overly independent lifestyle to me.

However, my value of compassion changed when I Joined the internet when I turned 13 and was exposed to the world outside of my own bubble, then since 2022 started to chat with members on 7 Cups. I realized that there are many people who are going through difficult and painful situations, and who need someone to listen and support them. I learned to listen and understand their perspectives and emotions, and to empathize with their struggles and hopes. I also learned to be more compassionate towards myself, and to accept and appreciate my own feelings and needs. I discovered that compassion is not a weakness, but a strength, and that it can make a positive difference in the world.

This change in my value of compassion affects me now in many ways. It helps me to be more open and caring towards others, and to build more meaningful and trusting relationships. It also helps me to be more resilient and optimistic, and to cope better with stress and challenges. It motivates me to help others in any way I can, and to contribute to the well-being of myself and others. It also inspires me to learn and grow as a person, and to cultivate other values that are related to compassion, such as gratitude, forgiveness, and generosity.

Thanks to everyone here for sharing your thoughts and experiences on how your values have evolved. Reading the posts under this thread has helped me learn so many things and learning through your experience and perspective was enlightening.

@SoulfullyAButterfly I agree with everything you said, I'm embracing change in the same way

@SoulfullyAButterfly reading, social butterfly, I agree with mostly all of these I think values is the biggest lesson anyone could have learned how to respect yourself and value yourself. That's what I got from this, and also value others.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

My values have evolved comparing my teenage self to my adult self by not upholding courage and honesty. When I was teenager, I did not stay true to myself, as I was still trying to discover myself and who I was. I was also not honest with myself, lacking the confidence and self-awareness. I know, hold those two values (courage and honesty) dear to me. I strive to also remain courageous and honest to myself. 

Tamar J. 

@SoulfullyAButterfly

        Hey SoulfullyAButterfly, this was a very well-written and thought-provoking post. One value that I have today that was not always as important when I was younger is the genuine desire to obtain knowledge. I have always valued knowledge to some degree, as most of us do, but today it is one of my core values to be constantly learning and expanding my knowledge. A professor of mine once told me that there is a difference between renting knowledge and owning it. When you rent knowledge, you often do not retain it and are doing so due to external factors (i.e. a test). You may study really hard for it and learn about the subject, but you are only studying for a good grade rather than to obtain knowledge. When you own knowledge you retain it better since you are doing it for internal factors, such as the genuine desire to know more about and truly comprehend the subject. This change in my perception of knowledge has made me start truly understanding the subjects I research to expand my own intellect, rather than just doing so for a good grade. As a student preparing to enter a doctoral program for clinical psychology, this value change has been a blessing. Even though I do not study simply for a good grade anymore, the side effects of studying to own the knowledge I acquire have had a positive impact on my schoolwork.

@CJHere2Help I loved reading this reflection! As a life-long learner myself this value is important to me and you have described it in a very beautiful way. Not many get why as a student, I need to create my own notes after research multiple sources to get a more deeper view than "required". This helped me not only ace school (same field!) but get to practically apply knowledge. I wish you the very best in your journey ahead!

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Dear SoulfullyAButterfly,

Thank you for initiating such a meaningful discussion on the evolution of values. Your insights beautifully capture how our life experiences, cultural exposure, and personal growth can shape and reshape our values.

It's inspiring to see how you've highlighted the importance of embracing change, especially in the context of inner development and our relationship with ourselves. Your post encourages us to reflect on our own values and how they have evolved, prompting deeper introspection and understanding.

Thank you for creating a space for reflection and sharing. Your contribution is truly appreciated.

Warm regards,

Sompo

@SoulfullyAButterfly It's truly insightful to consider how our values evolve over time influenced by our experiences and interactions. Personally, empathy has grown significantly in importance for me, especially after several years working in customer service, where daily interactions with diverse individuals taught me the depth of understanding others' feelings and situations. This shift has made me more patient and open in both my personal and professional life, allowing me to connect more deeply with others and approach conflicts or challenges with a more considerate perspective.

@SoulfullyAButterfly Love this post!

I think a value that I possess now through experience is hope. 

Through the chaos I've endured, the one thing I learnt is, everything passess. Good or bad. I don't think I ever thought I would reach a point to which I'm at peace. but I am. I have so much belief in the future and in myself. Its something I lacked before as I was faced with so much conflict but through time and patience I've learnt that hope is the only thing we can rely on to get us through tough times. 

@SoulfullyAButterfly

One value that has become significantly more important to me over time is empathy. During my younger years, I was primarily focused on personal achievements and ambition, striving to reach specific goals without fully considering the emotional landscapes of those around me. However, a series of life experiences, particularly facing personal hardships and witnessing friends and family go through difficult times, have profoundly shifted my perspective. Experiencing loss and adversity firsthand made me realize the immense importance of understanding and sharing the feelings of others. Interacting with diverse groups and learning about different cultures further deepened my appreciation for empathy, highlighting its role in fostering meaningful connections and mutual respect. Now, this change affects me by making me more patient, compassionate, and attentive in my relationships. It has enriched my interactions, allowing me to build stronger bonds and contribute positively to the well-being of those around me. Reflecting on this evolution has helped me embrace change and nurture my personal growth within the Being Dimension of the Inner Developmental Goals.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Thankyou so much for sharing this.

@SoulfullyAButterfly this post was very insightful. Thank you for making it!

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Think of a value that you have now that you did not used to have, or one that has become more important to you. What life experiences led to this value changing?

I would say that gratitude has become a recent value of mine and the reason for that is learning to be thankful for everything that I have verses what I don't.  

How does this change affect you now?   
I find that when I am really angry about something, it changes my mood.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Some of the values I have learned to develop are kindness, empathy, and love of learning. I used to not have all these qualities when I was younger. But I would say I have gained these valued through experience. I have understood the right from the wrong. In my childhood days, there used to be adults( parents) who would help me go in the right path. But I can now say that I can now go on my own. So why didn't I have those values earlier? What affected me to act very wrong? Well, it was the situational factors and various other factors that impacted my mental health. Such as parental upbringing and social relationships. 

But now, since I have gained awareness of my surroundings and gained some knowledge I have learned to be kind to people. I have learned to be empathic to a person, to feel the same way as the other person. Things get easier this way than arguing about things.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Thank you so much soul for this wonderful post

@SoulfullyAButterfly beautifully written