Evolution of Values: Embracing Change

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Thank you for this great question.

One value that I have now that I did not used to have, or that has become more important to me, is compassion. Compassion is the ability to feel and show empathy and kindness towards ourselves and others, especially those who are suffering or in need¹. I used to be more numb since childhood, being an only child with helicopter parents and having an emotionally neglected childhood by parents and then growing up in a Military based school environment where being a “crybaby” is not an option and was made fun of. Seeing my parents worry about every little thing concerning me but shutting me down or not validating my concerns has made me think that I shouldn't feel too much, make them worry and that emotions are useless, so I learned to numb my emotions. and I did not care much about the feelings and needs of others. Instead I used to be annoyed and get uncomfortable seeing anyone cry or expressing their needs or emotions. I thought that everyone was responsible for their own happiness and problems, and that I did not have to help anyone since my parents have always modeled the overly independent lifestyle to me.

However, my value of compassion changed when I Joined the internet when I turned 13 and was exposed to the world outside of my own bubble, then since 2022 started to chat with members on 7 Cups. I realized that there are many people who are going through difficult and painful situations, and who need someone to listen and support them. I learned to listen and understand their perspectives and emotions, and to empathize with their struggles and hopes. I also learned to be more compassionate towards myself, and to accept and appreciate my own feelings and needs. I discovered that compassion is not a weakness, but a strength, and that it can make a positive difference in the world.

This change in my value of compassion affects me now in many ways. It helps me to be more open and caring towards others, and to build more meaningful and trusting relationships. It also helps me to be more resilient and optimistic, and to cope better with stress and challenges. It motivates me to help others in any way I can, and to contribute to the well-being of myself and others. It also inspires me to learn and grow as a person, and to cultivate other values that are related to compassion, such as gratitude, forgiveness, and generosity.

Thanks to everyone here for sharing your thoughts and experiences on how your values have evolved. Reading the posts under this thread has helped me learn so many things and learning through your experience and perspective was enlightening.

@SoulfullyAButterfly I agree with everything you said, I'm embracing change in the same way

@SoulfullyAButterfly reading, social butterfly, I agree with mostly all of these I think values is the biggest lesson anyone could have learned how to respect yourself and value yourself. That's what I got from this, and also value others.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

My values have evolved comparing my teenage self to my adult self by not upholding courage and honesty. When I was teenager, I did not stay true to myself, as I was still trying to discover myself and who I was. I was also not honest with myself, lacking the confidence and self-awareness. I know, hold those two values (courage and honesty) dear to me. I strive to also remain courageous and honest to myself. 

Tamar J. 

@SoulfullyAButterfly

        Hey SoulfullyAButterfly, this was a very well-written and thought-provoking post. One value that I have today that was not always as important when I was younger is the genuine desire to obtain knowledge. I have always valued knowledge to some degree, as most of us do, but today it is one of my core values to be constantly learning and expanding my knowledge. A professor of mine once told me that there is a difference between renting knowledge and owning it. When you rent knowledge, you often do not retain it and are doing so due to external factors (i.e. a test). You may study really hard for it and learn about the subject, but you are only studying for a good grade rather than to obtain knowledge. When you own knowledge you retain it better since you are doing it for internal factors, such as the genuine desire to know more about and truly comprehend the subject. This change in my perception of knowledge has made me start truly understanding the subjects I research to expand my own intellect, rather than just doing so for a good grade. As a student preparing to enter a doctoral program for clinical psychology, this value change has been a blessing. Even though I do not study simply for a good grade anymore, the side effects of studying to own the knowledge I acquire have had a positive impact on my schoolwork.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Dear SoulfullyAButterfly,

Thank you for initiating such a meaningful discussion on the evolution of values. Your insights beautifully capture how our life experiences, cultural exposure, and personal growth can shape and reshape our values.

It's inspiring to see how you've highlighted the importance of embracing change, especially in the context of inner development and our relationship with ourselves. Your post encourages us to reflect on our own values and how they have evolved, prompting deeper introspection and understanding.

Thank you for creating a space for reflection and sharing. Your contribution is truly appreciated.

Warm regards,

Sompo

@SoulfullyAButterfly It's truly insightful to consider how our values evolve over time influenced by our experiences and interactions. Personally, empathy has grown significantly in importance for me, especially after several years working in customer service, where daily interactions with diverse individuals taught me the depth of understanding others' feelings and situations. This shift has made me more patient and open in both my personal and professional life, allowing me to connect more deeply with others and approach conflicts or challenges with a more considerate perspective.

@SoulfullyAButterfly Love this post!

I think a value that I possess now through experience is hope. 

Through the chaos I've endured, the one thing I learnt is, everything passess. Good or bad. I don't think I ever thought I would reach a point to which I'm at peace. but I am. I have so much belief in the future and in myself. Its something I lacked before as I was faced with so much conflict but through time and patience I've learnt that hope is the only thing we can rely on to get us through tough times. 

@SoulfullyAButterfly

One value that has become significantly more important to me over time is empathy. During my younger years, I was primarily focused on personal achievements and ambition, striving to reach specific goals without fully considering the emotional landscapes of those around me. However, a series of life experiences, particularly facing personal hardships and witnessing friends and family go through difficult times, have profoundly shifted my perspective. Experiencing loss and adversity firsthand made me realize the immense importance of understanding and sharing the feelings of others. Interacting with diverse groups and learning about different cultures further deepened my appreciation for empathy, highlighting its role in fostering meaningful connections and mutual respect. Now, this change affects me by making me more patient, compassionate, and attentive in my relationships. It has enriched my interactions, allowing me to build stronger bonds and contribute positively to the well-being of those around me. Reflecting on this evolution has helped me embrace change and nurture my personal growth within the Being Dimension of the Inner Developmental Goals.