One thing I am feeling sad about today is....
Already planned a social outing for the 20th anniversary of a group of friends I helped form as well as for my birthday at Knotts.
If previous years (all of them) are any indicator as well as my ever so endless amount of flaws, chances are very likely I will be spending the day at Knotts alone :( like about an 80% chance of that happening. 15% of enjoying the day with some friends and 5% or less of enjoying the day with a significant amount of friends.
I know I'm not always easy to be around, just never realized I am that unacceptable and irritating to be around.
One of many reasons why I no longer care for my birthday. As for the anniversary, would be a slap in its face should this fall through. Also why I hesitate planning anything anymore as they always fall through.
the lack of humanity in the world. the terrible news. feeling alone in my suffering. alone with who i am and my values.
@silverlamp
I get too much atached to negativity :c
I'm not 100% productive, as I'm in agony :(
@dancingdinosaur
yeah that bit bothers me too
Not living in the moment by regretting by decisions in the past and fearing about the future.
@fictionjunkie
owh
We all make mistakes and future can be scary
@conscientiousPineapple1782
hope find courige
@conscientiousPineapple1782 thank you.
With Mother
@bgdave - I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. The loss of a parent can be a very intense and difficult thing. If you think it could help you, maybe you'd like to have a look at our community here on 7 Cups for grief?
@OceanRest
Yes thank you I am part of the loss and grief community here on 7 Cups. I just lost my father also March 11th and have been trying to work through my grieving. It is very tough emotionally right now. Next month is my fathers birthday and Fathers Day. I feel very alone after loosing my last living parent. There really isnt any way of preparing for the inevitable when our parents bodies become ill and tired and they give out. 💔
@bgdave - Lost your father as well? That definitely makes it extra difficult, and with all those special days coming up.
I have three things that have really made me depression (beyond sad)
1. I think I am the reason that we have to move. I am very overwhelmed at I have less than a month to find another place.
2. People keep pushing kid stuff on me when I cannot have kids. (I don't want one, but I do NOT want to reminded of what I cannot have.)
3. I cannot have cats at the moment.
@Rebekahwriter13 - I can understand that that would make you feel depressed. Those are hard things to face and deal with, especially if you feel like you have no choice in the matter. I'm sorry that you are struggling so.
@OceanRest Topping that I think we are having problems with our landlord because I got internet extend and put in the window while they had a surprise inspection. I am afraid they are going to ask us to leave and I have no where to go.
My life is hopeless.
@tluper6491
no it's not
you seam as strong person
@conscientiousPineapple1782
I appreciate that but it doesn't matter when you have a muscle disease like I do and can't actually do anything. It's not a curable condition so this is just what my life is now. It doesn't matter how strong I am or not inside when my body is defective and useless. I can be the bravest, strongest, most determined person in the world and it doesn't mean a thing because my body is crippled and useless and I can't work or drive or do anything. My life is never going to change because it's literally impossible.
Its almost the midpoint of the 20th anniversary of the group of friends I helped form, and it is almost my birthday.
who am I kidding, this anniversary is far from a happy one. The majority of those who were a part of the original group either hate my guts now, are shunning me, want absolutely nothing to do with me or it anymore or believe that I am a monster, a scumbag. Translation: Im essentially on bad terms with nearly everyone from the original group and it is all my fault. The pain really digs deep when this includes my 2 best friends :(
No matter how much I try to celebrate it and make it a happy one, it is very hard to do so.
and even though I have planned to spend my birthday at Knotts berry farm, the odds of spending the day alone is very high; as between my flaws, my unacceptable personality, the bridges I have most likely burned, I clearly dont deserve to spend the day with friends or anyone, lost that privilege and have no idea what I must do to re-earn it.
I feel down today because I have no brightness in my future. I have straight F's so its not like im going to be a successfull doctor or lawer who contributes to the world. I have no talents. I have no friends. Im not good at any speficic thing like sports or art or anything, im just useless. I have no siblings or friends or even parents (I am a foster kid). I have no money or personal belongings. So basically my life is worthless, of no value. And it will never be of value
@AnotherFace
I feel as though I have no value. I'm a successful person and work hard. And still I let the things I do to myself keep happening or let others do to me. I have learned that I have to like myself first. It took me a while. I was told to find 3 things I like about myself. I couldn't think of one. The only thing I said I liked about me is that I'm true to myself by saying I have no self value. So every morning and before bed I was told to say that one thing I came up with. After a few days I thought of something else. I pick out comfy shoes. Now at this point I'm thinking this is ridiculous. But I kept saying it every morning and every night. I'm true to myself that I think I have no self value and I can pick out comfy shoes. An other week goes by. I helped someone put in dog foodthere shopping cart. So I added that to my list. I'm true to myself that I have no self value, I pick out comfy shoes, and I help others. I have done this for 5 weeks now and you know what I say...
I'm strong for trying to fix myself even though I don't think it's working. I care about myself to keep going and I'm kind to others even if I feel this way.
And those three things made me smile.
I hope you can try this and it can help you like it helps me.
@AnotherFace
Hey there! It's so easy to believe our worth is measured by grades in school. But there are many different types of intelligence that aren't part of the standard way of teaching. I bet you would be really understanding and empathetic of other people who might be in similar sit as you!
My chronic back pain
