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Ramblings 3

Iamwhoiamwhoami December 31st, 2023
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Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.

2422
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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@Tinywhisper11

The words she wrote are fading in my mind, but I think physically they are, but mentally they’re struggling, she has been struggling with so much as well. I think she mentioned food issues due to lack of electricity and ability to cook . I think she said property damage for her was minimal.

But don’t trust my memory. I don’t remember her title for her writings.

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami damn! I'll have to try talk with her🙁

mytwistedsoul Friday
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@Tinywhisper11 Her and her husband are safe. They lost all their food because of power being out. There's a lot of trees down and they just got the phone lines and Internet back and last night were able to have a home cooked meal and enjoy hot showers. ❤️

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@mytwistedsoul oh thank God ❤ thanks soul ❤❤

mytwistedsoul Friday
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@Tinywhisper11 You're welcome! ❤️

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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YYY


@Tinywhisper11

❤️Thank you for being you❤️Hugs❤️I love you❤️

I will try and keep you and twist , helga, and the others towards the front of my thoughts. ❤️

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami it won't be long now ❤ it'll all be over soon and you'll be back with hopefully some good news ❤

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami how you feeling with the extra meds??

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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@Tinywhisper11

I will take the extra one in a little while. ❤️

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami what's happening in your head right now?? Are you scared?

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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@Tinywhisper11

The usual anxieties , yes, I am still scared. The usual chaos in my head.

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami YYY gives you back massarge, it's gonna be ok,  it's taken forever so far, but let's pray for a quick surgery  and a quick recovery ❤ I know you don't pray, so I'll pray for you ❤ I always do

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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@Tinywhisper11

Thank you ❤️

mytwistedsoul Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami *sending you good peaceful vibes* You got this. Keep taking nice deep calm breaths . Give us an update when you can but no pressure either ❤️ 

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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@mytwistedsoul

Thank you. ❤️

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami 

massage-friends.gif

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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@Tinywhisper11

❤️ Enjoying the massage, I may fall asleep ❤️

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami don't fall asleep now😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Helgafy Saturday
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@Tinywhisper11

Tiny - the small movie is soo nice!

Tinywhisper11 Saturday
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@Helgafy ❤😁❤

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami well done for having another shower ❤❤ how long till you leave?? I'll most likely be asleep by the time you get home, but as soon as I open my eyes I'll come back here, with you ❤

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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They should be here in about a half hour to pick me up. I suppose I should start trying to get dressed. I will update when I can.❤️

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok good luck sweetie ❤ you can do this ❤❤

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Tinywhisper11 YYY I almost forgot my hug. Huggs you tightly ❤❤ I love you ❤❤

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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YYY


@Tinywhisper11

❤️Hugs you snugly ❤️❤️I love you ❤️❤️

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami remember I'm right there with you holding your hand ❤ good luck sweetie ❤I love you ❤

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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This is going to be kind of short, I think, for now.

Surgery is scheduled for October 14th. I am in the process of scheduling pre-op appointment (bloodwork etc. ).

Basically the surgeon I dealt with today that is supposedly performing the surgery is an arrogant #######. He literally rolled his eyes at the prior doctors notes, and related. Prior imaging didn’t mean a whole lot to him. I literally would have wheeled myself out of the room if I wasn’t already in so much pain. I haven’t been that turned off by a doctor for a long time if ever. If I wasn’t in so much pain and discomfort I would try and reschedule with a different surgeon.


mytwistedsoul Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami Welcome back! I recently heard a story about arrogant doctors. Whether it's true or not I have no idea. It basically said that arrogant doctors are that way for a reason and it's usually because they're good at what they do? Like I said whether it's true or not I have no idea. Hopefully this is the case here

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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@mytwistedsoul

That may be true but the first surgeon has been doing neurosurgery for over 40 years and this surgeon just brushed off everything they said. The attitude, complete lack of table manners, were overbearing. At this point I can only hope he is very good at his job. ❤️

mytwistedsoul Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami Oh that sucks. I think I'd rather have the guy with 40 yrs experience tbh. Weird that he would brush off everything that the others have said though. Sorry you got stuck with an impersonal doctor Iam :/ Hopefully he is good and has the skills to justify his big head ❤️ How are you feeling other wise? Did you do ok with the trip there? 

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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@mytwistedsoul

So would I but he is the head surgeon and doesn’t perform surgery anymore.

I survived the trip. In excessive pain, anxiety still a little high after that experience but nothing really new. ❤️

mytwistedsoul Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami Guess if you're the head guy you get to delegate everything to others. I'm sorry to hear the pain is so bad ❤️ Does anything help you calm the anxiety when it's high like now? 

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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@mytwistedsoul

Time and sleep.❤️

mytwistedsoul Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami Sleep good my friend ❤️ sending you lots of good vibes and love

Helgafy Saturday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Don't mind him at all. What is important is that he is clever/good in his work! Stay strong Iam!

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami aragont doctor🙁 that's not good, you don't need ignorance ontop of everything else🙁 I'm sorry sweetie. I hope you get some good sleep now, you deserve a good rest ❤ only 8 days till surgery is really great news though ❤ you can tell me about it after you rest well, you did really really good

Tinywhisper11 Friday
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami damn! A firework just went of, that scared the crap out of me😰 

even though his bad manners, I hope he explained everything to you properly. Hugs you tightly ❤

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Friday
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@Tinywhisper11

He mainly tried to explain anything and everything to try and talk me out of surgery. He was insistent on pain management. Whatever, it is what it is and I suppose I go through with surgery on the assumption that he’s good at his job

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Saturday
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YYY

@Tinywhisper11

I am so sorry, I am so wrapped up in my own little issues that I didn’t acknowledge the firework scare! That is never a good kind of scare. ❤️Loving Hugs❤️

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP Saturday
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For better or worse I sent a rambling message regarding my experience and concerns with my distrust of someone who may be cutting me open. I sent it to the head surgeon I first saw was it two weeks ago?.? This distrust stems from his arrogance and making me and all prior doctors and technicians involved in my situation prior to today basically worthless and invalid .

I am not sure if this was a good idea. If it gets mentioned to or discussed with the surgeon I am uncomfortable with that could make following through with the surgery with him a lot more uncomfortable.