Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
This is going to be kind of short, I think, for now.
Surgery is scheduled for October 14th. I am in the process of scheduling pre-op appointment (bloodwork etc. ).
Basically the surgeon I dealt with today that is supposedly performing the surgery is an arrogant #######. He literally rolled his eyes at the prior doctors notes, and related. Prior imaging didn’t mean a whole lot to him. I literally would have wheeled myself out of the room if I wasn’t already in so much pain. I haven’t been that turned off by a doctor for a long time if ever. If I wasn’t in so much pain and discomfort I would try and reschedule with a different surgeon.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Welcome back! I recently heard a story about arrogant doctors. Whether it's true or not I have no idea. It basically said that arrogant doctors are that way for a reason and it's usually because they're good at what they do? Like I said whether it's true or not I have no idea. Hopefully this is the case here
@mytwistedsoul
That may be true but the first surgeon has been doing neurosurgery for over 40 years and this surgeon just brushed off everything they said. The attitude, complete lack of table manners, were overbearing. At this point I can only hope he is very good at his job. ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Oh that sucks. I think I'd rather have the guy with 40 yrs experience tbh. Weird that he would brush off everything that the others have said though. Sorry you got stuck with an impersonal doctor Iam :/ Hopefully he is good and has the skills to justify his big head ❤️ How are you feeling other wise? Did you do ok with the trip there?
@mytwistedsoul
So would I but he is the head surgeon and doesn’t perform surgery anymore.
I survived the trip. In excessive pain, anxiety still a little high after that experience but nothing really new. ❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Guess if you're the head guy you get to delegate everything to others. I'm sorry to hear the pain is so bad ❤️ Does anything help you calm the anxiety when it's high like now?
@mytwistedsoul
Time and sleep.❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Sleep good my friend ❤️ sending you lots of good vibes and love
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Don't mind him at all. What is important is that he is clever/good in his work! Stay strong Iam!
@Iamwhoiamwhoami aragont doctor🙁 that's not good, you don't need ignorance ontop of everything else🙁 I'm sorry sweetie. I hope you get some good sleep now, you deserve a good rest ❤ only 8 days till surgery is really great news though ❤ you can tell me about it after you rest well, you did really really good
@Iamwhoiamwhoami damn! A firework just went of, that scared the crap out of me😰
even though his bad manners, I hope he explained everything to you properly. Hugs you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11
He mainly tried to explain anything and everything to try and talk me out of surgery. He was insistent on pain management. Whatever, it is what it is and I suppose I go through with surgery on the assumption that he’s good at his job
For better or worse I sent a rambling message regarding my experience and concerns with my distrust of someone who may be cutting me open. I sent it to the head surgeon I first saw was it two weeks ago?.? This distrust stems from his arrogance and making me and all prior doctors and technicians involved in my situation prior to today basically worthless and invalid .
I am not sure if this was a good idea. If it gets mentioned to or discussed with the surgeon I am uncomfortable with that could make following through with the surgery with him a lot more uncomfortable.
There are so many things that happen that everyday that are out of my control. It’s just like I have become a puppet and someone else, maybe many people are pulling and twisting my strings
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
We put you in the palm of Gods hands and ask Him to take good care of you.
Goals ? What goals am I supposed to set that are worthwhile? Coming home from surgery? To what ? Going back to work? Light duty is nearly impossible at my job. Never mind. Just not dealing with things very well right now.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami well done for putting in a complaint, he needs to know he was in the wrong. You need to be good with people in a job like his, so well done ❤ and the complaint was for better not worse, he will do the surgery perfect so don't worry about that ❤ I know it may all seem like there is no goal, no good that will come from any of this. But just maybe this will be the lifestyle change that goes right for once🙂❤ but like you said, don't think to far ahead, one thing at a time ok? ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami in times of just overwhelming thoughts and despair, turn to your friends they are always here for you ❤❤
YYY
@Tinywhisper11
Thank you ❤️❤️Snugly hug. I love you ❤️❤️
I am sorry for missing your messages, for some reason I am not getting notifications. I am in a strange mood? I think that’s what it would be called. Ever since late last night, I have been feeling numb? I am tired of feeling. If I didn’t feel than yesterdays fiasco wouldn’t have bothered me. I would’ve just did what I used to do and just let whatever happens happen. Unfortunately I did that with the major crutch of alcohol. I refuse do that again.
Whatever happens from now on I only want it to happen with the forever presence of my friends here with me in mind and spirit. I use the word spirit loosely, I am not fully aware of the term. I think it is more of a religious or spiritual term. But to me it means that not just are my friends rooted in my mind and heart , they are intertwined with everything that I do, think and say.
Focus issues.
❤️❤️
