How can I convince myself that my friends don't hate me? I have this irrational fear that they actually hate me.
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Last Updated: 11/03/2022 at 1:19am
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
September 10th, 2016 6:49am
Remind yourself that even though you have these 'reasons' for thinking like this, are any of them actually valid? Was that person maybe having a bad day which made them say something you didn't like? If not then your invalid fears should be replaced with a mantra like "They ARE my friends."
Anonymous
September 18th, 2016 9:31pm
If you have a "gut" feeling of your friends despising you, ask them yourself. You're never going to get reassurance by standing around and waiting for signs.
Anonymous
September 22nd, 2016 2:11am
Work on your self-confidence: believe that you are a person worthy of great, supportive friends. Additionally, perhaps you can look for new and different friends with whom you feel comfortable around.
Remind yourself of the fact that they don't hate you, of the logic behind hanging out with you, otherwise, Ask them. Mention your irrational fear to some of your closer friends, and ask them to help you with it. I had that fear for so long growing up, because I was picked on a lot. So when I finally did make friends I was afraid they hated me and would hate me. and then I realized, If they did, they wouldn't hang out with me, or talk to me as much as they do. They wouldn't give me hugs or play dumb games in the yard, they wouldn't do any of that. So. that's a pretty good way of convincing yourself, in my opinion. Neutral logic rant and yeah.
Anonymous
October 2nd, 2016 1:21pm
I can convince myself that my friends don't hate me by slowly opening myself to communication with them and carefully observing their behaviour. If it is an irrational fear it could be tested by putting myself in real situations and being sincere with them. It is possible to admit to someone that we fear he/she hates us. In the background of this fear I would put oversensitivity and selfcriticism. Also...more important is that we become aware of the fact that maybe we hate ourselves?
Talk to them, if you can't for some reason or you're not ready to yet. Look to see what makes you feel this way and try to understand why this is happening.
Think about all the good times you've experienced with your friends. The little things mean a lot .!
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2016 4:55am
Talk to them. people change so sometimes they will find they wanna hang out with this person, then a bit later they wanna hang out with you! but it doesnt mean they hate you
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2016 11:31pm
I keep a list of nice things my friends have said about me. It includes compliments and descriptions of moments when I felt connected to them and that we were really friends. Then I try to read it when I'm feeling lonely or as if no one likes me.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2016 12:08am
Try to have faith in yourself. Ask your friends what they like about you. You might be pleasantly surprised! They wouldn't be your friends if they didn't like you.
Your irrational fear is exactly that - irrational. Pay attention to how your friends treat you and remind yourself, that a person that hates another doesn't treat someone with kindness, compassion, etc.
This is not an unusual problem and it's something you might want to talk to a therapist about. In my experience though, sometimes I've been obsessed with whether or not someone hated me, but when I stepped back I realized I didn't even like that person in the first place. I was focusing on how they felt about me to avoid thinking about how I felt about them.
I would ask myself if those friends are those type of people? Do they often talk about others when that person isn't around, do the make fun of other people?
Then decide on the probability once you have your answer.
You do say in your question that it is irrational, so on some level you do know it is. Try making a list of evidences. Make two columns: "evidence that my friends hate me" and "evidence that my friends are ok with me". Also, try to figure out the root of your irrationality. Ask yourself why do you feel this way. Perhaps you are hard on yourself or have low self-esteem?
Anonymous
January 6th, 2017 7:57am
I have struggled with feeling like my friends - and everyone else - hate me, but I was taught the 'table' technique. Every table needs four legs to stay standing up, so my irrational fear is the table top, and I need four 'legs' - i.e., proof - to support it. If I cannot find four legs to support the table, then the belief/fear isn't real. My friends don't really hate me. Also, at times I just check it out with the friend. "Hey, I feel like there is something wrong between us - do you feel there is anything wrong?"
I understand how you feel. Sometimes I get that fear too that other people like my friends don't truly like or care for me, especially if they are quiet and don't reach out. What specifically makes you think that your friends hate you? Do you think that they have reason to hate you because of the traits that you have, or because they don't treat you well? Think about it this way: if they are happily spending time with you, then they most likely find something in you that you don't know exists. Do you think they would spend so much time with you if they don't enjoy your company? If the problem is that your friends don't treat you well, then maybe it is best to reconsider the relationships you have with them or at least communicate with them about how you both truly feel.
Anonymous
January 20th, 2017 1:03pm
If you honestly feel trapped and worried, try talking to them openly. This can be very scary, but could help tremendously! Otherwise, if you feel uncomfortable talking to them, think of your friends' personalities and whether they're acting differently around you or not, if not, then try to relax. If they do, maybe you should really talk to them - it helps take pressure off of one' s chest.
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2017 10:39pm
It's always best to not assume. But there are many signs that may indicate that your friends may not like you. Signs like: They seem upset when you come around. They don't include you within their plans. You always have to reach out and speak to them first. Their mood changes when you're around. Again, it's not good to assume. But sometimes people can feel when something is not right. You can even talk to them about it, to break away from that worry. Try to get them on the same page as you.
You need to see things objectively. Do they treat you bad? Would they help you if you required help? Do they invite you to their plans? Are you the one doing all the work of the friendship? If those all indicate a lack of friendship, they probably do not like you as much, but that would't mean they hate you. Often we think we are hated, but it is only due to low self-esteem, as we do not love ourselves, we expect all others not to like us either. If you start treating yourself nicely, and you are able to grow towards what you want to be, the opinion of others shouldn't matter.
I've had serious issues with this myself, and it is very hard to deal with. It's difficult in that position to not go overboard in seeking reassurance, at least for some. As hard as it can be to counter those irrational feelings with reasonable answers, it may help to quell some of it. Try to remember times when you've helped your friends, and try to remember times that they've helped you. If the relationship isn't reciprocal, then it really isn't worth maintaining. Think of times you've exchanged gifts, times when they've invited you to join them. Remind yourself that people wouldn't keep you around if they hated you. Try, as hard as it is, to hold onto things like that.
Anonymous
March 8th, 2017 8:53pm
My suggestion would be to ask. I know it is a scary bought but if you really, truly believe that then you should ask and see how they react. It's easy to question our thoughts but you must have a reason for coming to that conclusion. It's never a bad thing to validate your emotions by asking. My second suggestion is consider your relationship with your friends; what do you do together, how do you communicate and what sort of feelings do you associate with your friends: happiness, sadness, comfort etc. Just take a second. Breathe. And evaluate.
Anonymous
March 16th, 2017 9:23pm
This may sound cliché, but talk to them. Not necessarily about feeling like they hate you, but if you talk about things that are bothering you or if you can have deep talks it may help you understand one another and defuse some of that worry.
Communicate your feelings. Talk to your friends and let them know that you might need to be reminded of their love every once in a while.
Think about how you feel about your friends, do you secretly hate them? The chances are you don't, and they don't either. They may feel the same way you do! I think a lot of people go through those thoughts, and it's totally normal because friends are people that mean a lot to you, and of course you want to mean a lot to them too!
Anonymous
May 4th, 2017 10:11pm
I totally understand the feeling! Just know that they wouldn't be your friends, spend time with you, or talk to you if they didn't even like you. Have confidence in yourself and relax, your friends are your friends because they love you for who you are. Don't ever doubt that!
Anonymous
May 24th, 2017 6:12am
Be open with your feelings to your friends and ask them directly, rather than allowing your brain to go completely haywire based on an assumption that may not even be true. Being open and communicating a good amount for you and the other poeple are the most important steps to take.
Anonymous
June 29th, 2017 9:24pm
This is a pretty common fear that many people have. Sometimes it's important to remember that these people are here because they like you, no one has the time to hang around people they don't. Try talking to them about this anxiety.
It's actually positive that you recognize the irrational fear. You can't necessarily convince yourself otherwise. Start with addressing the fear, ask yourself , why am I afraid of this? And then go from there.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2017 3:49pm
Well think positive, talk to them , and I'm pretty sure they don't hate you maybe there just going threw a hard time .
Anonymous
August 10th, 2017 10:24pm
They wouldn't be your friends if they didn't like you. And if you feel bothered by it, talk with them instead of assuming the worst.
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