How can I convince myself that my friends don't hate me? I have this irrational fear that they actually hate me.
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Last Updated: 11/03/2022 at 1:19am
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Top Rated Answers
They are your friends, you should be able to be honest and open with them. Speak to them about this, but I'm sure they will tell you that they definitely love you!
Anonymous
March 9th, 2018 5:33am
you don't have to convince yourself about anything, just don't think anything, don't want anything, don't need anything. don't care about what people think, just do what you should do, and care for your business.
Anonymous
March 16th, 2018 12:39am
Talk to your friends about how you feel and why you feel that way. Sometimes having a support group can be very helpful.
Anonymous
March 30th, 2018 8:12pm
Realize that you are wanted and loved and the belief that you are not is wrong. Once you believe the opposite you will see things differently.
Ask them straight out if they hate you. If you are too scared or too shy then come write down a lists of reasons why they should like you and reasons why they shouldn't. Remember to right now why you think that way. Think of all they things they did for you, all the smiles spent for you. Think of your greatest and happiest moments.
Anonymous
April 12th, 2018 11:07pm
This is a totally common feeling to have, unfortunately, but you just have to remind yourself that your friends choose to hang out with you, and have chosen you to be in their lives. Don’t underestimate your worth!
Anonymous
April 18th, 2018 7:47am
The best way to know the answer is to ask your friends directly and confide in them your fear. At least one of them would have a genuine answer and you would know. Otherwise you can simply ask them how you can improve as a person and a friend.
Anonymous
April 27th, 2018 12:27am
We all have insecurities in our lives, and you surely aren’t alone. What you really need to look at is if you love yourself. If you love yourself more, you will start to see that you’re friends don’t hate you.
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2018 7:47pm
Sounds like you are expierencing anxiety, which is totally ok. You can ask your friends how they feel about you. If you are unconfortable doing this you can try challenging these negative thoughts.
Why would your friends hate you? If they are your friends then of course they don't hate you. Everyone has those types of fears from time to time. If someone hates you then they wouldn't be around you. They wouldn't call you a friend.
You could make yourself more comfortable by asking them if they enjoy being around you or you could focus on positive things about yourself and why your friends would like you instead of why they wouldn't.
Ask them. It sucks, it's hard, but when I asked my girlfriend if she really likes me she assured me and I've never doubted her since. Take a leap of faith and tell them about the problem. You might just hear exactly what you needed to.
You don't need to convince yourself. You just need to talk to them and ask directly about their feelings about you. I think the best way is facing with the fears directly, otherwise the fears will control everything.
Ask yourself what they like about you. Also think about what YOU like about you. Sometimes we project our own insecurities on others when it's not really the case. Most likely they don't hate you at all, but you may have complicated feelings about yourself you are working through
Anonymous
May 20th, 2018 10:37am
I've been there. Try to approach slowly, It could be just the way you look at it. Maybe approaching to them and have some fun could be the best idea to see that they care about you.
Anonymous
May 31st, 2018 10:10am
Ask yourself:
Do they remember my birthday? Do they remember the good things about me? Do they know the things I like & dislike?
Well, if it makes any difference most of us at one point or another wonder if people secretly don't like us. It's hard especially when we don't feel great about ourselves to not question whether or not others genuinely want to be our friend. I think sharing that you have this fear with the people close to you would help and not feeling dumb or annoying for having these feelings, even if they do seem irrational. Let your friends know that you care about your relationship with them and maybe what they can do to make you question their love for you less. And most importantly convince yourself you're someone worth loving, because you are.
Anonymous
June 9th, 2018 6:41pm
If your friends hated you they would tell you or exclude you it may be difficult to convince yourself but start by asking them!
Anonymous
July 8th, 2019 1:54am
All I can tell you is to ignore it, no matter how real it feels, it's just your imagination, I used to always ask my friends, "Do you actually enjoy my friendship? I can't stop feeling as if no one could possibly like me." They'd always tell me it was a stupid question and that I was an appealing person, that they really did enjoy my friendship; eventually it got kind of annoying for them to always hear me questioning our friendship and I decided to just make myself stop, whenever I'd think about it I'd just tell myself to ignore it and get on with my life because they really are my friends. After a while, I thought about it less and less and at this point, I barely think of it at all. I really hope you can get past this, your friends really do like you. They wouldn't be your friends if they didn't. Don't let yourself think otherwise.
One thing that has really helped me understand my own fears of people hating me has been listening to/reading Brene Brown. One of my favorite concepts of hers is that of, "The story I am telling myself." The idea is that you can use this phrase to help differentiate objective reality from the irrational fears and worries. So, I will give you an example here to show you what I mean.
Objective reality: Sarah cancelled plans we had to go swimming.
The story I'm telling myself might be that Sarah doesn't want to go swimming because she doesn't want to spend time with me. Or maybe she secretly hates me because of that time I accidentally broke a plate at her house. Oh my god, I can't believe I am so stupid!
You can see how quickly jumping to conclusions about how someone else feels can quickly devolve into self-deprecation, which feeds those previous fears even further.
So, once you separate the objective from the story you're telling yourself, what can you do? Try to understand the side of the story from other perspectives. Using the previous example, maybe Sarah doesn't want to go swimming because her stomach hurts today. Maybe she got a really bad sunburn the day before and doesn't want to be out in the sun more. Maybe her car broke down and she has to deal with that instead of going out with friends. In any situation, there can be other explanations than the story you're telling yourself. It takes training, but it's very possible to teach yourself how to rationalize like this.
so it sounds like you have this concern that you are not liked by your friends, but you are identifying that it is irrational- so that is a good start. By identifying it as irrational, you are aware that this is probably not the case- can you think of one thing that you enjoy about the friendship of those around you? and what is one things that you think your friends might enjoy about you being in their lives? Try to focus on one positive from each side of the friendship- start small and grow from there
Your friends may have some rough bumps in life and may not want to hang out with you. It is hard to accept if you were friends for a very long time. Sometimes people just need space from others and that may be what is going on. If not you can always ask them. Some people may just tell you what is going on straight up. Others may just want to be away from you. People do not hate you if you are thinking they have been spacey. You can ask them what is wrong and if they say they are having a bad day you can help them and then after they will hang out with you more
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2020 1:40am
This fear is often a difficult feeling to cope with and can be very intimidating. It is important to remember that the mind can make up worries and stressors about things that aren't necessarily present. There is no benefit in worrying about something that isn't present to worry about, it will only waste your energy. I think that it can be very difficult and intimidating to confront a friend about this issue, which makes the fear problematic. But if it becomes this problematic, it is worth a simple conversation with a friend simply by asking if anything is wrong. They can truthfully give you an answer you may be seeking.
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2020 12:21am
Look for actions your friends do that show they love you as a friend, it can be something nice they do, or they call and talk to you, they invite you to things, or ask you how you are, or share their life with you, or spend time together, these are all things that show that your friends like you.
Also, you can look at how you see yourself as a person, as an individual, and how well you value yourself, sometimes if we don't treat ourselves well, we don't feel like people around us are treating us well. So perhaps that a good place to start too.
Peoplare usually are quite straightforward. They dont pretend to enjoy someone's company for long if they actually dont. We have nothing to gain being fake in friendship. So when someone says they like you, there is no reason for it to be a lie.
If you still lack confidence, you can ask them what are the things they like so much about you, you'd be surprised to discover what are your super powers. Mine is to make people feel safe and listened. People know that I will never judge them, I will never betray their trust and never make fun of them. They know that I will share my knowledge if I have some over the issue they are facing and simply tell them I am as powerless as them if I cannot help but that I am willing to face whatever is ahead by their side. This is my super power. I am not the funny type of friend. I am not a cool kid either. I am not a very inspirational role model, I am not entrepreneur. But this, my listening skills, is my super power. And people love me for that. It is not much but it is enough. What is your super power ? Are you good at gathering people ? At planning events ? Are you a creative mind that inspires people through the si guardian beauty of your work ? Are you good at solving others problems ? Are you passionate about many subjects that make it interesting talking with you about arts, sports and politics, so people always learn something being around you and are never bored ? Ask your friends, they will know what is your super power.
My honest opinion is that if your friends are really your friends and they care for you, they dont hate you. Friends are there to support you and care for you in your time of need. We all have people in our lives that we say hello to from time to time, but our closest friends we keep close to our hearts. You need to take a step back and ask yourself if the friends you have are the ones to keep close to you. Friends are and important part of all of our lives but at thee same time should not be there just out of necessity.
Anonymous
June 19th, 2020 8:03pm
I feel that everybody experiences or has experienced this in their life. You are not alone. I think that the best way to give yourself conformation is to remind yourself that unless your friends are hinting at being mad or being passive aggressive, it is unlikely that they have a problem with you. Also remember that they may feel the same way. It is not uncommon to feel worried about other's opinions of you. Also, if this feeling will not go away, you can always ask your friends how they feel. Otherwise, if you know your fear is irrational, try thinking of the good times you have had with your friends. Do you think they hated you in that moment? Most likely not.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2020 9:20pm
Okay so to tackle negative thoughts we need to put our thoughts ‘on trial.’ This helps us to rationalise them by offering alternative perspectives. To do this, you first need to think of all of the evidence as to why the thoughts might be true. So why do your friends hate you? How do they hate you? Next you need to think of all the reasons this might not be true. Can you think of a time your friends proved that they don’t hate you? Would they still be your friends? What would you say to someone else in your situation. Now it’s time to re-evaluate. Is your thinking rational?
Anonymous
August 21st, 2020 11:58pm
Take a moment to think of all the things you have to offer to your friends and how you treat them. Then think back on how they treat you. If you notice a significant difference on how you treat each other, there may be something to talk about. Don't jump to conclusions that they hate you and cause yourself the stress. Instead, discuss it with your friends and how you feel. Something as simple as this may help you and your friends better communicate and talk about any problems you may be having. You are an amazing person and have a lot to offer, surround yourself with people that know your worth, support you, and don't bring you down!
Anonymous
September 13th, 2020 2:26pm
You can ask them directly, "Do you hate me?" It might feel weird to ask your friends this, but it would be the most efficient method. Also, showing yourself compassion is a good practice because people who think close ones don't like them normally have low-self esteem. By gaining confidence, you won't be looking at things in a negative light as much, or searching for things your friends are doing that follow your low-confidence mindset. Try daily affirmations and self-love practices (like face masks, yoga, etc.) to rewire your brain into seeing you as an interesting, fun, important, [insert whatever positive adjective you want], person. Hope that helps!
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