How can I convince myself that my friends don't hate me? I have this irrational fear that they actually hate me.
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Last Updated: 11/03/2022 at 1:19am
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
August 19th, 2017 8:01pm
actually ask the question and make your friends aware of how you're feeling instead of being stuck in your own mind
Try speaking with them and tell them how you feel. If they did something you didn't like, confront them gently and tell them.
Notice the little things they do to show they care. Friends don't always come right up and say how they feel about you, but when someone says they were thinking about you when they saw something in a store or bought you your favorite candy, you know they care. When someone goes out of their way to do something or show they care, then they don't hate you.
The best way is to work on your own self esteem and to challenge those thoughts of thinking they hate you. Do things that help build you up as a person and then, any time you look at a situation where you think a friend might hate you, watch how it plays out. If it's turning out well in the end and your friend obviously doesn't hate you, then start challenging that belief inside. Like, "I keep feeling like **** hates me but when she looked mad the other day, she wasn't even mad at me. She was mad about work and actually came to me for support." The more you can challenge those beliefs and build yourself up, the more those irrational fears will stop coming up. :)
Make a case against it. Do your friends actions appear to be those of someone that hates you? Probably not.
You talking to them about it is the only way to overcome that fear. Tell them how you feel and they'll open up in return.
Check out the evidence on why they don't hate you. Is there something that they're doing that shows that they enjoy time with you? Or interacting with you? Create an argument against the irrational fears.
Anonymous
November 12th, 2017 9:48pm
Firstly, I'm really sorry you feel this way. That's not an easy thing to deal with. What's worked for me is this technique (it's actually part of CBT if you wanna look more into that) of writing down the thoughts that come and then arguing back with facts you know to be true.
So you would write down "xx hates me because she didn't answer her phone today", and then talk back saying something like: "She was in class when I called, that's why she didn't answer. When we hung out last monday we had a really great time." - and feel free to go into as much depth as you can. I really hope this helps!
In my opinion you just have to ask sometimes. Yet don't push yourself if you're not ready for it yet.
Figuring out how someone hates you is not really hard. Of you feel anxious of asking them straightforwardly then observe their behavior around you and others. Most of people behave differently around different people but seeing change of their demeanor is still very much possible.
Anonymous
November 22nd, 2017 10:00pm
Get some help. Talk to a close friend, or family member. Or get an anxiety app! That would decrease your ability-social anxiety!
ask yourself why would they hate you, if you see no reason for this then it's as you said an irrational fear, and nobody is hating you
Sometimes, you need reassurance that you're not annoying people, or that they don't hate you. Remember that they chose to be your friends. They want to be with you. Think of how you feel about them, and know that their thoughts towards you are probably not all that different.
The fear is common, I believe we have always felt it because of small acts that apparently demonstrate so, but is important to remember that in the case that they hate you, they would just leave you. Hate is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. If your friends would do this, then the harm would be for them, and besides, I know they don't. You are an amazing person, why would someone hate you?
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2017 4:31am
I think that this is something a lot have people experienced before at least once--when you know someone likes you, but sometimes we tend to dwell or convince ourselves that they don't. Something that works for me is trying to think of or remember the times I was absolutely certain they enjoyed spending time with me, or they actually told me that they did. Write them down, or repeat them to yourself in your head. It feels kind of silly, but when we have irrational fears, sometimes the best way to get rid of them is to make them go away by reminding ourselves of the truth.
As hard as it is, talking and sharing your concerns with your friends might make you feel better about them
Anonymous
January 4th, 2018 5:29pm
Talk to them in private, especially the more close ones, and maybe explain your situation or at least express some concern without exposing yourself too much.
Once I asked my best friend I had no idea why they would even associate, let alone be friends with someone as terrible as myself.
She told me that she felt the same way.
Ask yourself: Do you hate your friends?
Only when you ask yourself that question can you begin to see how there is no way someone you trust enough to call a "friend" would ever change when you turn your back to them.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2018 6:40pm
One way would be to confront them, since a lot of people experience this fear, they'll understand and convince you of the truth.
I always find that meeting up with people one on one can reinforce friendships and it has helped me realise that people really do like me on many occasions. In these situations there is no space to feel left out of conversations, and you'll soon see that your friends really do care about what you have to say.
Hm well think about this. If they hated you why do they have your back? Why can you count on them for anything? Why do they help you when you need it? Why do they trust you and you trust them?
So since you know that is irrational,whenever you have that thought,question your thought.Ask yourself,"Is this thought ratioal?"And try to repeat phrases like,"I know they don't hate me" "It's just my thoughts making me feel so."Or try talking with them about these feelings.
They don't hate you. Think of it this way. If they hated you, would they still be your friends? Would they still want to spend time with you? Would they still care for you? No right? They do it because they are your friend.
You can't know for sure, but you're supposed to trust friends. That is part of the pleasure of friendship: trusting without absolute evidence and then being rewarded for that trust.
Anonymous
February 9th, 2018 5:23am
If they really hated you, you would know because its obvious. If they hated you, they would ignore you and exclude you from their schedule.
The best way to convince yourself is to confront them about how you are feeling. That is the best way to ease your mind.
This is such a tough feeling to have--I'm sorry that it's coming up for you! One approach might be to sit down and make a couple of lists to test this thought. For example:
1. What evidence do I have that my friends hate me? Have they said or acted in a way that supports this belief?
2. What evidence do I have that my friends don't hate me? Have they reached out, invited me to hang out, or said something nice to me lately?
3. What other reasons do I have for worrying that my friends hate me? Is this triggering feelings related to other people or situations from the past?
4. What concrete actions can I take this week to mitigate this fear (eg. reach out to friends, talk with someone new, etc)
It is perfectly normal to be worried about friendships! Sometimes we have to remember that friends don't have to stick with us, but they do and that reminds us of the love they have for us!
Be a good friend
Anonymous
March 2nd, 2018 12:54pm
Your friends don't hate you. If they did, they wouldn't be your friends. If you're really scared, try asking them yourself.
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