My Silent Voice (Diary)

@scarletPear1945 Just dropping you a note because you were in my thoughts and wish you a belated Happy New Year.

@adventurousBranch3786

How are you my friend? sorry I have not been responsive. Thanks for caring enough to just stop by😊

@mytwistedsoul

Really do thank you😭

@scarletPear1945 You're welcome ❤️

@scarletPear1945 Hey you :) you've been in my thoughts the past few days and I hope you're ok - but I also I understand if you're not. I guess I just wanted you to know that we're here for you - me and Branch and others. We're here through the good and the bad. Holding a light for you ❤

@mytwistedsoul

Thanks for keeping me in the loop of your thoughts. Means a lot to me. I wish I had some good news to tell you but I am just doing all I can right now to maintain my self and everything else.

@scarletPear1945 You're welcome ❤️ It's ok - I know that there are days when that all we can do - just barely keep our heads above the water that threatens to drown us. I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now and I hope things get better for you *leaving you a hug and sending you strength*

@mytwistedsoul

thinking about you and @aventurious ❤️

@scarletPear1945 Thank you :) You've been in my thoughts too 💙 How are you?

@mytwistedsoul

I love this family so dearly. I guess it ain't in the Blood but in the Love❤️

@scarletPear1945 You're absolutely right! *sending you love* 💙

@scarletPear1945 So nice to hear from you. You have been in my thoughts.❤️

@adventurousBranch3786

Thanks for your continued concern for me, it really makes me feel so much better. No one else in my none internet family seems to even care except for what I can do for them. So just trying not to burn myself out.

@scarletPear1945 *dropping off a hug* you've been in my thoughts ❤

@scarletPear1945 You have been in my thoughts the past few days. I lit a candle for you tonight and I'm sending good vibes ❤

@mytwistedsoul

Hi, Thank you for the candle and your thinking of me. I have been struggling with DID and my home life really not good. It has been one thing after the other not getting to catch my breath. Not sleeping much because the night terrors are going wild whenever I close my eyes. I never got my taste back after Covid so my appetite sucks. My sugars keep dropping very low and just worn down.

I keep trying to pick my self up, but it is so very hard, when nothing else is changing.

@scarletPear1945 I'm sorry you're struggling ❤ is your therapist helping any with the DID? Would you like to talk about it? I mean - I dont have all the answers but I'll listen - there's no pressure of course - just - I'm here if you'd like to ok?

@scarletPear1945 You've been in my thoughts the past few days ❤

@mytwistedsoul

Hi, I am ok have been learning how to communicate with my headmates and trying to calm down the internal dialog. It has been hard but making progress slowly.

@scarletPear1945 Hey :) That's great! I'm glad to hear you're working on communication. That's the most important thing. I hope things keep going good with that ❤

* leaving you a safe hug* no pressure :)

@scarletPear1945 Hey you :) just dropping in to see how things are - no pressure to reply. Tbh - I feel like a mosquito lol - I'm sorry if I'm pesting ❤

@mytwistedsoul

Hello friend, I always love to see a reply from you. You are always welcome in my life❤️.

Still having a terrible time as my husband has got us in a real mess that I have been trying to straighten out but have been running into brick walls. This time his Dementia may have gotten us in big trouble. May even lose our home. I am pissed that I can not get anyone to block his account to stop him miss spending and not paying the bills. Not the bank or Veterans affairs nor anyone can stop him without a court order. I am so tired of trying to be the one that cleans up the messes he makes. This time it may not be possible for me to do anything. My nerves are shot and I don't know what else to do that I have not already done. I can not focus on my own healing for being pulled into his mess and then the organizations telling me he is not responsible and that I have to change the way I talk and interact with him. He is getting aggressive and I will not tolerate from him no matter what they say. I am human and have feelings too. I just want to throw the towel in and say the he.......l with it all and just leave. Our home is more than I can handle by myself .

@scarletPear1945 (safe hugs) Oh my. You definitely have a full plate right now. It's so sad how hard people make everything when you're trying to get things handled. On top of everything else you're dealing with too. It sounds as though the people you're going to for help aren't very sympathetic towards you either. I understand that his thinking isn't right and that while it may not really be his fault, surely they could offer more then just to have you talk and interact with him differently. You need support with this not just suggestions to talk differently. None of this is very helpful to your stress and I would imagine his aggression is probably triggering for you too. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to put up with that. It's scary and usually ends up with someone getting injured.

I have a few idea's but I also understand if they might not work for you. First, is there anyway that you can have some of the bills put on automatic payments? That way they get paid on time and you don't need to worry about them. I understand too that it might not be possible because some times we have to jockey things around in order to pay bills. Unfortunately money doesn't grow on trees and when there's more money going out than what is coming in, it makes it even more difficult. Second, I'm going to assume he has a bank card. Is there anyway you could just hide it and replace it with something that's pre-loaded? Are you able to discuss any of this with him? That you could explain what you're doing and why you're doing it? Would your daughter be able to help you talk with him? Or maybe even his doctor? If not, then you may have to get a court order and get power of attorney. It shouldn't be too hard but you'll probably need paperwork from the doctor, his medical records. Do you have an attorney that could works with elder law? Or could recommend someone? I'm sure this is the last thing you want to deal with right now and I'm so sorry that you're facing all this. I've added a link but depending on where you live it may not be of any help to you. Alzheimer's Association - hopefully it will be of some use or maybe will give you some idea's.

❤️ Sending you huge amounts of strength right now!

@mytwistedsoul

Thanks for the suggestions, Because his Dementia is yet in the early stages he can still say yes and no the bank would not let me do that without a court order. I took them our power of attorney and all our last will and testament documents and they still won't do anything will not agree to anything at all. I even went to the VA and they said I could get a caregiver if he agrees and signs the paperwork, he won't do it. He wants me to be his personal nurse. I don't want the job.

@scarletPear1945 I don't blame you one bit for not wanting the job. You have enough you're dealing with right now. He hasn't been very supportive of you with anything either and that's just sad. It's -well - to be blunt - it sucks that you have no options and you're the one doing all the work to save your house after his misspending and not paying bills. It's not fair to you at all. It's not right that there's nothing you can do until it's basically too late. The laws and rules they have in place - they've never been in this position themselves or they would be more understanding of the position your in and the fears you have

I know it's not much but I'm sending you strength ❤️

@mytwistedsoul

hugs💙

@scarletPear1945 Hugs to you too ❤️

@scarletPear1945 Hey you :) Dropping off a hug ❤️

@mytwistedsoul

Now I am stopping by to check on you. I got a great big hug for you

@scarletPear1945 This is so nice :) Thank you! Sending you a big hug back ❤ You've been in my thoughts my friend and I've been wondering how things are going

@mytwistedsoul

Today has been an eventful day. I was fine until about 1:30 today. Got in my car to go to the bank and I got this overwhelming flood of wailing just took me over out of nowhere. Nothing on my mind just wham! then my body began to shake and quiver. I felt so out of control I had to get off the road and pull into a parking lot and try to regroup myself. I don't understand what was happening. I know that one of my insiders Hortence does not like to ride in the car. But even if they were coming from her, what made it so intense this time? is there something I should have gotten from this? Still feel some of this emotion and my emotions have been dead for years. I guess that is another reason this is shocking

@scarletPear1945 It's allways scary when that happens - especially if you're driving or doing anything that needs you to be in control - it was really good thinking to pull over

Does Hortence talk to you? Did you have the radio on? Could it have been a song or even something you saw? When that happens here - I remind everyone we're safe, we're ok and I ask what's wrong - what has whoever upset and I ask them to please tell me - to please talk to me. I have to admit - I get frustrated and impatient sometimes and I snap at them. Even if she doesn't have the words for it - maybe she could draw you a picture? Sometimes it can be that they're just in a mood and it gets so intense because it's like a temper tantrum - well - not like one - it is one. Maybe she just really really didn't want to take a car ride. Do you have an insider who is mean? Could they have told her something that upset her? But if it's still affecting you - hours or even days later it's definitely something to try and figure out

@mytwistedsoul

Great things to try. I did journal some of the things you mentioned. I asked if it was Hortence but as of now no reply. The therapist tried to get us or Jamie to draw but they did not want to they played with dolls figurines and talked about their playing roles. When I started to feel some emotions rise I quickly changed our direction to another subject. My therapist thinks that maybe I am ready to handle the unknown that I did not want to face.❤️

I am going to get away for 2 weeks out of state with my Grandson. You stay safe❤️

@scarletPear1945 Hopefully someone will eventually let you know what caused it. I know it can take time for everyone to be comfortable enough to admit to things and talk about other things

@scarletPear1945 *safe hugs* An official welcome back :) I hope you had a nice trip with your grandson and that hopefully things are going alittle better ❤️

@mytwistedsoul

Hi👋👋

So glad to be back home. Had fun for the most part. No place like home. Went to see therapist for the first time in weeks. The DID stuff is on the rise. Yet I wonder why I had never heard of this until now. A lot of the symptoms match but then many don't. Still in denial about that but some fit like a glove.

How are you doing? you are always here encouraging others, how about your own mental issues? who supports you, my dear friend? If and when you ever need a hand to hold or an encouraging word, I am here for you. I feel we have grown very close to one another and I see you as my family. I really care about you.❤️❤️❤️

@scarletPear1945 I'm glad to hear you had fun :) That first visit back with the therapist is allways kind of awkward. That might just be me though lol. It's like I have to get reacquainted all over again

@scarletPear1945 I'm glad to hear you had fun :) That first visit back with the therapist is allways kind of awkward. That might just be me though lol. It's like I have to get reacquainted all over again

@mytwistedsoul ugh so it posts twice 😂

@mytwistedsoulI love it and I really mean what I say, I am here for you and I get what you mean that some would not like to hear us talk about our struggles but rather keep things upbeat. My thoughts on that are I am who I am and I am here for a reason. Take me as I am or not at all because I am tired of hiding behind the mask to please others. You can always share or vent with me😊.

My husband's sister died and things are kind of upside-down right now. But things will smooth out soon, I have to keep busy to to keep my mind busy to so I am not focused on my thoughts. I also got me a little part-time job working for a contractor doing his filing, just a few hours a couple of days a week. The change comes in handy😃