My Silent Voice (Diary)

I have been stumbling around here and came across your forum/diary. I see you have had a lot of people reach out to you here.

I started reading your earliest posts and it struck me to let you know that I too came from an abusive home. Three sisters , I know for a fact one was abused for a lot of years. The other two were too but I don’t think it was as regular. All three were out of the house as soon as they could. I was the accident baby , sympathy relations or something along those lines. I was also abused in a similar fashion. But as far as I know it the extreme invasions stopped when I was in grade school. There was other things that went on from there and I will drop my rambling there. I guess what I’m saying is I relate completely with what little I have read. I will stop reading if you want me to but if you are ok with it I would like to continue as my mind allows. Thank you and I am thankful to have met you .

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Ah, you are so sweet❤️. Yes by all means you may read my diary. Most of all I want you to really know that I intend to try and stay with you as long as you allow me to. You have a friend in me.

@scarletPear1945 Thank you, I am very grateful to have you be part of my journey.

@scarletPear1945 Hey you :) You have been in my thoughts my friend ❤️ How are you?

*sending hugs* ❤️

@mytwistedsoul I am still here, still working on things., I am getting ready to head home from work at the moment, I will try to remember to get back to this , I want to be able to focus a little better on my conversation with you. Thank you for thinking of me, talk soon.

@mytwistedsoul sorry I responded to somebody else’s post that was very wrong. I apologize.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Hey :) its ok no harm done and nothing to be sorry for ❤️

@mytwistedsoul Thank you so very much for your kindness.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Hey, how is it going? glad to see you. So you go to the doctor soon, and I know your adrenalin is running high. Sending you prayers for good news and a hand to hold while you go into the doctor's office.🙏👋✌️a victory hand.

@scarletPear1945 I am ok, I have done my usual postings here with my ramblings. Honestly I’m scared but such is life.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I don't think your ramblings have bothered or offended anyone. It's sort of the whole point here. To get things off your chest and out of your mind - to share. You're doing it in a way that feels right to you and I think that's wonderful ❤️

@mytwistedsoul Thank you for your kind words once again. I actually am sitting in the hospital parking lot right now, getting the ambition to go in.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami @scarletPear1945 and I are with you ❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Hello, Hello, calling @iamwhoiamwhoami

@scarletPear1945 Hello?

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Thanks for answering my call❤️😊 You have been on my mind so heavily. I prayed for you. I was feeling that family bond with you and I never want to let you down.

@scarletPear1945 I can’t imagine you letting me down. I may get wrapped up in my negativity and issues, and that results in short responses, but I understand everyone else here is struggling with their own problems and dealing with them in their own ways. I am here with a non-expecting attitude. I don’t expect any responses, it is wonderful to get them and be recognized. I’m not a positive person, and with all of my struggles I have very little confidence in anything I do or say, so I’m not comfortable trying to get the right words out to those who need that kindness and compassion that I have been lucky enough to have received. I want to be there for others, I just don’t have the confidence or enough positivity to actually be worthwhile.

@mytwistedsoul

Thanks for checking in on me😊, I have been busy shopping and decorating the outside of the house along with hours of raking leaves. I also renovated my She Shed a bit. Really proud of how it turned out.

@scarletPear1945 You have been busy! Wow!! Your she shed looks amazing! You should be proud! It's so cool! You did all that yourself too! Super Pear! ❤️

@mytwistedsoul

Thank you. How are you doing? these leaves are crazily still coming down and about 1.5 archers are covered with leaves. I only managed to do around the back of my house and partly in front of the She Shed/ Taking small breaks in between. My yard looks as though I just barely made a dent in the leaves. I wanted to burn them but it is now raining. I'll have to wait till they dry out.

@scarletPear1945 You're welcome 😊 I'm doing better thank you. Finally getting over the illness that's plagued me for the past month

@mytwistedsoul

No therapist called and I called Mental Health to ask for an appointment because they are 10 minutes away from me. They told me I had to go to the one that is 28 miles away. That is the dumbest thing I ever heard.

@scarletPear1945 That is pretty dumb tbh 😕 Is there a county line or something? Maybe they're broken down into districts? Still pretty dumb. It shouldn't be so hard to find a therapist my gosh! And the fact that none returned your call. That really sucks. They should at least return it even if they don't have any openings

@scarletPear1945 Hey you :) You popped into my thoughts today so I wanted to see how you're doing. I see you doing some awesome threads for the 50+ community! ❤️

*drops off some hugs and sends some good vibes* ❤️

@scarletPear1945 Hey you :) Hope you don't mind - it's that time of year. Dropping off little holiday ratties ❤️

Peace and love to you Pear ❤️

@mytwistedsoul

Thanks so much. How are you doing? Are you already for the holidays?

🎅🎄

@scarletPear1945 You're welcome :) Tbh - this is a hard time of the year and I'm finding I'm alittle lost. A new part made their presence known recently so that's added to the chaos. Thank you for asking ❤️ Put up a tree and lights outside and got some gifts for the littles - so kind of ready for the holidays

And you? How are you doing? Have anything special planned for the holidays?

@mytwistedsoul

I am doing fine. I am having internet and phone issues are the most significant issues. I have got my Christmas candy orders completed and I have played Santa to a few friends now I am ready to settle down for a warm winter night😊.

Happy Holidays to you and all those you love and care about.🤶🎄

@scarletPear1945 Oh man I'm sorry to hear you're having phone and internet issues. I hope it get straightened out soon

Wake up to a total mess that started with a little drip. My husband ruptured the water line and flooded the whole downstairs. Stood there looking at the water gushing though out the house dumbfounded.

I had to call 911 to the house to cut off the main water valve. I had to lay down sheets all my towels and anything else I could find. Throw rugs dripping wet trying to drag them outdoors. New hardwood floors are bulking. He is still standing looking saying I made a bobo. My head is about to explode. The fire department arrives and gets the water shut off and tells us we have to hire a plumber to cut a hole in the house to fix what the husband broke. No water tonight.

Then he ask me if he should get out of his wet clothes and I replied, no keep them on. I know I was wrong in my answer but I felt it was a dumb question. Then he goes to bed and leaves me to finish mopping up water and hanging out the rugs. I am so *** off.

@scarletPear1945

Seems like every time I start to feel better there comes something to knock me back again. I try so hard to not get sucked into his ish, but here I go down that rabbit hole,

I missed the mark again

@scarletPear1945

Stay out of the rabbit hole. I am somewhere down here and it’s too dark and scary.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Thank you, I am trying my best😊thanks for the reminder.

@scarletPear1945 Oh Pear 😞 I'm so sorry all this happened. Its got to be so frustrating for you having to deal with this. Its not much I know - but I'm sending you strength ❤️

@mytwistedsoul

Much needed and accepted. I am just so angry. our floors are going to have to be replaced money money money that I not long ago paid to have these things done. If he would have fixed that leak when I first told him about it, this would not have happened. I try to be understanding of his condition but it has always been when he did not want to do something he made a mess of it so you would not ask him again. Just don't do it if you don't want to. Now you are costing us several thousand to replace what you damaged. Taking money that could be used or saved for this dumb ish.

@scarletPear1945 Oh gosh yeah. I can totally understand why you're angry. And the cost of everything is just so high right now. And if before he would mess things up so he wouldn't be asked to do something again - it would be hard to know if this is the dementia or that. Which would be extremely frustrating. Will insurance help any or - Idk you have to be afraid to see because it might raise your rates. I know around here there clean up places like servepro I think it's called maybe they could help salvage the floors? Idk. I'm just so sorry you have to deal with all this 😞

@NoneTheWiser

❤️❤️

@scarletPear1945 You have been in my thoughts also ❤️.

@scarletPear1945 Hey you:) I've missed seeing your name pop up here and there. I bet you probably got alot going on right now with the floors and stuff. I hope everything is going ok

Take care of yourself ok? *sending you lots of hugs and strength* ❤️

@mytwistedsoul