Traumatic Experiences Community Check In - Saturday September 1st 2018
Theres A Hole In My Sidewalk: Autobiography In Five Short Chapters ~ Portia Nelson
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isnt my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I dont see it.
I fall in again.
I cant believe I am in the same place.
But, it isnt my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … its a habit … but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
Can you identify with this story? Its so easy to just keep doing what weve always done, making the same mistakes, sticking with whats familiar. But what if we took a different street? What if we thought differently, felt differently, acted differently? What sort of adventure might we find ourselves on?
Its officially a new season starting today. Summer is over in the UK. Its the first day of Autumn, or Fall to our American friends. What a good time to start over, to make some changes, to take a different street. What could you do differently? What change do you want to see?
As always, you are welcome to share about your lives .... to ask for support.... to stop in and say hello 
(thanks also to my dear friend Kite for helping with today's checkin)
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@DeborahUK
How do you get to a new street?
@Rebekahwriter13
@nolongerafraid
Both your posts made me think of the change cycle. Its that course of thoughts and behaviours we go through pre, during and post change. Guess what? Its a thing! Seems none of us find it easy, so youre not alone.
The one above is the cycle Ive always been familiar with, but google threw up the one below too, and I liked the way it captured those fears, thoughts and behaviours on the road to change.
Looking at the cycle, it starts with three stages that are tough to go through. Loss, doubt and discomfort. Seems were creatures of habit, and we like to hold on to our old habits and ways of thinking, even if theyre not working out too well for us! But, stick with it, because we can come out the other side and find discovery, understanding and integration. Those changes can become the new normal. And this applies to everyone - yes, you included. You can make changes, you can find a new street to walk down. And just know Ill be at the side of that street, cheering you on!
@DeborahUK
That second wheel actually looks hopeful. Thanks Deb, maybe I can do this after all??
@nolongerafraid
You can do this Mas! You can do this ❤️
@DeborahUK
This made me smile, thanks. 
@DeborahUK
Hi Deb, love the Encourage mint! And thank you for the colourful change cycle which makes so much sense and breaks it down for us, so that change isn't so daunting, more a of a gradual process. Happy 1st day of Spring to you! x
@DeborahUK one of my favourite seasons me and the heat dont get on how are you and i have related to that story alot
@DeborahUK
ive read this story before and it's a great one, thanks deb. it's a new season and I want it to be a good one, but right now it has also been like falling down another damn hole even though I should know better and I should have worked out how to walk around the sides by now.
@Wildheart123 I need to find that new street as well
@Wildheart123
Im not sure if youve ever come across this story before? Apparently from the West Wing.
A man is walking down a street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he cant get out.
A doctor passes by and the man shouts up, Hey you! Can you help me out? The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole, and moves on.
Then a priest comes along and the man shouts up, Father, Im down in this hole. Can you help me out? The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole, and moves on.
Then a friend walks by. Hey, its me, the man calls out. Can you help? And then the friend jumps in the hole.
The man says, Are you stupid? Now were both down here.
The friend says, Yeah, but Ive been down here before … and I know the way out.
———————————————————————————————
I understand that hole feels like a dark and friendless place, but many people have found themselves in similar holes, and found their way out again. Keep looking for the light, keep looking for answers, keep looking for the way out. Its there, you just have to find it. Ill hold the torch :)
@DeborahUK
i haven't heard this one before, starts off a bit good samaritan'ish then changes. I've never had an in person friend who would get in a hole with me. some of the online ones have been more likely to shove me in a hole, so I'm very thankful for the precious few who would either climb in or shine a torch - even from above. I'll keep looking for the way out, thanks for holding the torch 💕
hi im new to this subcommunity just been working through a personalised growth path on grief as lost my dog january of this year i miss getting cuddles a lot they really helped with losing my mum just the year before i feel its been highly traumatic for me first my mum then not even a year later my dog even as i type this im crying
a part of the growth path i feel im at when it comes to healing with a loss &still a long way to go are these 2 parts i accepted it but im angry way it happened with my mum im feeling the feelings but wish i didnt have too as for trying to adjust and move forward that bit im strugging
Adjusting has to do with learning to live without the physical presence of a loved one. It can be difficult to reorganize your life to account for that person no longer being there.
Moving forward is when youre able to adjust in a way that allows for personal growth and for a new normal to develop. Moving forward doesnt imply forgetting; rather, it allows you to be grateful for what you do have and to experience hope for the future.
@NevaehRose
Im so very sorry to hear of your losses. I dont believe there are any quick fixes with grief. They say times a healer, and though it may sound so trite and uncomforting when youre hurting so much, there is truth in that. But you still have to cope with the hurt until time softens it.
You speak of your anger, and its a very common part of grieving. Im pleased youre looking for ways beyond it, but please know its okay to be angry and to feel that feeling. I hope youre able to find comfort and understanding within the 7 cups community at this difficult time.
@DeborahUK thanks
@NevaehRose
Hi Rose,
Welcome to the community
Im really sorry about your loss, loosing two such important loved ones is hard. Feelings of anger is absolutely understandable as it can all feel unfair and meaningless.
I hope you can find some comfort and support here and elsewhere to help you get through this time of grief.
@LoveFromSara thankyou
There
@asheroo92
Im so sorry to hear you have these blanks and these doubts in your mind. It can be torture not knowing the full picture, as the information we fill those blanks with can be the stuff of nightmares. As you say though, you may never know, so it becomes about finding a way to live with those blanks without torturing yourself over them. Therapy is certainly helpful in this, but in the meantime its important you keep yourself safe.
Grounding techniques can prove really helpful when you start to feel yourself panicking. Its about reminding yourself youre safe, and pulling yourself back into the present time with items or sensory experiences that are a comfort to you. Theres an awful lot written about grounding within the forums of this sub community. Bear with me whilst I find you a link.
@DeborahUK
Here you go - hopefully you can find some tips on grounding within this thread.
@DeborahUK
thanks for your reply. Sometimes it creeps up unexpected and just consumes you which is when it feels impossible to get out of. Grounding techniques are helpful though if I don
@asheroo92
Hi Asher, I've fallen behind or haven't been doing those things you mentioned either, what helps you with getting back on track? I'm trying for a Monday start with a few, something about Mondays and fresh starts
Crazy you have to wait for so long with the appointments, and facing new memories at any time is difficult ☹️ Do you have any offline friends you can share any of this with? (You have online ones here who can help support you). I hope you try some of the grounding exercises deb has mentioned, they can really help when everything feels out of control thought wise to bring you back to a place of safety and being in the now instead of lost in trauma time.
@Wildheart123
Thanks for replying. It
@DeborahUK
Thank you for the story. I can't think about change right now, not today. I did change. I changed everything and it still happened again. I know you don't know what that means and I'm sorry that I can't explain. I don't think a different street will be enough for me. I need an entirely different life.
I haven't heard this story. My therapist used to say I would rather stick with bad familiar than the unknown. I am working very hard to get on a different street. Some days I don't think I'm brave enough. I keep trying though, maybe one day I'll make it.
@RedHawk6547
I think the fact you keep trying, shows you ARE brave enough ❤️ You can do it!!' Cheering you on!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@DeborahUK
And of course I meant Autumn.. must be having a 'senior' moment..lol... anyway hope your day has been a good one. x
@DeborahUK
Thats a really powerful and thought provoking story. Thanks for sharing that and the other story and the charts.