Distortion 2. Mind Reading
Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. In our learning about cognitive distortions series, today we will tackle ‘Mind reading’. If you have not taken part in the catastrophizing post, please do so here
Mind reading like the name suggests is when we assume we know what someone else is thinking and are convinced that it is the case and there is no real verification/fact checking of it. It is important to acknowledge that this is not all bad, at some level mind reading can help us read a situation like when your friend smiles, you know they liked your joke. Similarly, if someone’s jaw drops we can tell they are surprised. But these ‘assumptions’ are based on something more concrete like a physical action and are not negative. It becomes a problem when we have nothing to base our assumptions on and they are negative in nature.
Examples of Mind reading:
- I failed this test, my teacher must think I am so stupid
- I was late to my friend’s birthday. He must think I don’t care for him enough to show up on time
- I was supposed to get the callback yesterday from my job application, but the interviewer must have failed me.
- My partner has been quieter than usual, he must have gotten fed up with me.
To help us reframe this distortion, we will use the same techniques as the last post! These techniques can help you reframe all sorts of distortions and repeatedly practicing with them can help us get in the habit of using these models.
📢Points of Action:
- Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post)
- Counter your mind-reading thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience.
⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise.
⭐ When was the last time you engaged in mind reading and what actually ended up happening?
Examples
- I thought my friend was mad at me but it turns out he was just having a rough day
- I thought my teacher hated me but I misread her firm approach as personal dislike. It turns out her firm approach helped me get a better grade.
Further Reading/Recommended Resources
How to stop worrying and start living chapter 4
@Hope
Thanks for sharing
@Hope
Stressful thought: soneone has not answered my message. They must have thought badly about me and dont want to answer me again
New thought: they must be busy and will answer as soon as they can
This is so useful. I'm in therapy at the moment and learning how, can make my outlook on things worse or better depending on what my mind says to me, I'm going to share this with my therapist this week.
@Hamstermum
It is wonderful that you are connecting these exercises with your therapy journey. Sharing this with your therapist sounds like a great idea and could lead to even deeper insights.
If you are working toward the certificate, remember to:
- Find out your personal hit rate. Look into your past and get an accurate percentage of how often your negative assumptions were correct.
- Counter your mind-reading thoughts with positive ones based on logic, facts, or experience.
- Practice this with at least one thought and tell us about your experience.
- Share the last time you engaged in mind reading and what actually happened.
Let me know if you need any help with these! You are on the right track.
I thought my colleague was complaining about my lack of productivity and efficiency by comparing my work status to someone with much more years working the job.. as if telling me I'm not good enough.. but it turns out that she was hoping by comparison, it would motivate me more to work like the other person..
But honestly, she shouldn't have used our work status to compare.. she could've just told me up front how I could change the way I work to meet her standards.. But then, who did she thinks she is.. for someone who just started in that position at the beginning of this year.. when I've been working for the past 4.5 years.
@Hope
@Jaeteuk
Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like this situation brought up some really challenging emotions, and it is completely valid to feel frustrated when comparisons are used in this way.
If you are working toward the certificate, here are the next steps:
- Reflect on your personal hit rate by thinking about how often your assumptions about situations like this have been accurate in the past.
- Practice countering any lingering mind-reading thoughts with positive ones based on logic or experience.
- Share how this exercise feels for you or let us know the last time you engaged in mind reading and what actually happened.
@Hope
Thank you so much hope it's helpful post
@Hope
- Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post)
ten percent - Counter your mind-reading thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience.
my roommates must be disappointed in me for not getting a good grade >> they understand the struggles and personal stuff im going through
⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise.
it helps pretty much a lot!
⭐ When was the last time you engaged in mind reading and what actually ended up happening
my roommates must be disappointed in me for not getting a good grade >> they understand the struggles and personal stuff im going through
My younger self was notorious for engaging on mind reading. My negative assumptions on things were just what I considered to me being paranoid. The accuracy of my thoughts/mind reading were usually not what I thought. That's why our thoughts our so powerful and we should be careful what we dwell on. Looking back at my younger self, I realize a lot of why I did this was because of my personal insecurities.
⭐ When was the last time you engaged in mind reading and what actually ended up happening?
I try not to engage in this anymore. I'm usually always wrong and then I feel foolish to have even thought what I did. But if I do have to recall, it was a couple of mother's day ago. I woke up and my husband and kids were gone. No communication with me and hours passed. I was so hurt in my feelings and accusatory. Turns out they had left to buy me flowers, gifts, and set everything up. So yea, for me, it's best not to let my negative thoughts out because it causes unnecessary stress and sadness. 😂
@YourCaringConfidant
Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt reflection. That Mother’s Day story beautifully illustrates how our assumptions can lead us astray and how reality can surprise us in the best ways. You are doing amazing work, and it is wonderful to see how much you have learned from your journey!
@Hope
Points of Action:
Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post)
I can read facial and body cues pretty well, it's when I overanalyze or take it personally that my personal hit rate is lower.
Counter your mind-reading thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience.
She looks bored, she must not enjoy being with me... Just because she looks bored, does not mean she is bored with me. She could be deep in thought.
After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise.
I think this is a good one as I know that when I get deep in thought, I have been told I look sad or mad. Mind reading off of body/facial cues is not always helpful.
When was the last time you engaged in mind reading and what actually ended up happening?
I was facilitating a meeting and took someone's feedback as a sign that I was not doing a good job. In the end, it just was her contributing to the meeting and had nothing to do with how I was leading the meeting.
@CordialDancer
You’ve made great progress in recognizing when overanalyzing body cues or facial expressions can lead to inaccurate assumptions. It's really insightful that you’ve realized how your own deep thoughts can be misinterpreted by others, and how important it is to separate those cues from personal meaning.
Well done!
@Hope
Mind-reading thought: My partner responded to me in an annoyed manner. He must be angry at me.
Counter thought: He was annoyed with someone from work that day.
⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise.
This exercise helped me understand that what I perceive is not always what really happens.
⭐ When was the last time you engaged in mind reading and what actually ended up happening?
I thought i was disliked by some people at school - turns out they just had different interests from me.
@Hope
After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise.
I found that it helped me stop spiraling into anxiety. When I noticed myself assuming the worst, I took a moment to reframe my thinking.
The last time I engaged in mind reading was when I thought a close friend was upset with me because they hadn’t responded to my texts for a few days. I convinced myself that I must have done something wrong and that they were avoiding me.
When they finally responded, I found out that they had been overwhelmed with work and personal issues. They weren’t upset with me at all and they just hadn’t had the time or energy to chat. It was such a relief to hear that!
@Phoenixthepoised
It's so encouraging to hear that this exercise helped you stop spiraling into anxiety. Taking that moment to reframe your thoughts is a powerful way to break free from those negative spirals.
Your example with your close friend is such a relatable one. It's amazing that you were able to recognize how your mind jumped to conclusions, only to find out that your assumptions were completely off. It must have been a relief to get that clarity!