Building Self-esteem Series: The Fear of Failure
Hi there,
I hope you have enjoyed Hope’s Building Self-esteem Series as much as I have! Today, I wanted to open up a discussion about something we all face at some point in our lives: the fear of failure. It doesn’t matter who we are, what job we do, or how well we feel we have worked on our personal growth. It's a universal experience that can hold us back from reaching our full potential, both personally and professionally. However, I believe that by sharing our experiences and incorporating therapeutic techniques, we can overcome this fear and pave the way for personal growth.
Understanding the Fear of Failure
Firstly, let's acknowledge that the fear of failure is completely normal. It's a part of the human experience, and almost everyone has felt it at some point. Whether it's starting a new project, taking on a challenging task, or pursuing a dream, that little voice of doubt can creep in and make us question our abilities. We may even struggle with an internal critic that constantly holds us back with our negative internal dialogue and if you want some tips on how to quieten this voice please read here.
Developing a Growth Mindset:
One powerful therapeutic technique to combat the fear of failure is cultivating a growth mindset. The growth mindset is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. Instead of seeing challenges as insurmountable obstacles, individuals with a growth mindset view them as opportunities to learn and grow. Instead of avoiding challenges or not attending to them all together, the growth mindset teaches you to work through those challenges, to go with the river, and to see what you can learn on your journey!
Practical Steps for Developing a Growth Mindset:
Embrace Challenges: Rather than avoiding difficult tasks, actively seek out challenges. This can help reframe your perspective and view challenges as stepping stones to improvement.
Learn from Criticism: Constructive criticism is a valuable tool for growth. Instead of taking it personally which can sometimes happen, use it as feedback for improvement. Remember, even the most successful people faced setbacks and criticism on their journey. You are not alone and gradually it gets easy when you are able to invite constructive criticism. It takes practice and self-compassion to be able to learn from constructive criticism.
Celebrate Effort, Not Just Success: Shift the focus from end results to the effort you put in. Acknowledge your hard work and dedication, regardless of the outcome. This helps build resilience and perseverance and is one of the key ways to overcome the fear of failure.
View Setbacks as Learning Opportunities: When things don't go as planned, ask yourself what you can learn from the experience. Failure is not the end but rather a chance to refine your approach and try again with newfound knowledge.
Sharing Your Experiences:
I'd love to hear from you all. Have you faced the fear of failure? How did you manage it, and did you try any therapeutic techniques like developing a growth mindset? Sharing our stories can be both cathartic and inspirational for others going through similar struggles.
Remember, we're all in this together, and every setback is a chance to grow stronger. Let's create a supportive space to discuss, learn, and conquer the fear of failure as a community!
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences that you feel comfortable sharing.
Photo by Sammie Chaffin on Unsplash
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
Thank you for taking the time to create this post. For context, a lot of our series participants indicated that they suffer from a fear of failure, Lisa generously offered to create a post on it in the series.
I hope everyone takes the time to go through the post and apply these points! On the growth mindset point, if anyone is interested in further reading, you can read this post as well.
Tagging everyone who signed up for the series!
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@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS Thank you sooo much for creating this post regarding this specific topic. I am guilty of experiencing fear of failure and it shows often times by me not even trying. When I say this, I am talking about where I refuse to try or do something new. Sometimes I'm in denial and I just say it's because I am a creature of habit. I will say I do not like being stretched and pulled and I just stick to what is safe. Deep down, I know my refusal to do is prohibiting my growth as a person. Deep down, I know it is just my fear of failing. I am so thankful you took the time to do this post. I really enjoyed it. I wish I had it read it earlier so I could reply sooner but I just got the tag from @Hope not long ago. So, thanks to her for tagging me and the others. This was something I really needed to read now. ♡
@YourCaringConfidant
This is so lovely to read and I am so glad it helped as that means the content at 7 Cups is relevant to people which is what we try our best to do. @Hope, could see a pattern in the thinking styles of some people who were enjoying the self-esteem series and suggested it would be useful. Thank you Hope!
It sounds like that is a bit of a safety behaviour. I am not sure if you have heard of them before and they are used as an attempt to avoid the fear from becoming a reality and to avoid that feeling of discomfort too about something you feel anxious about. As you have said, when you feel a situation will not go well then you behave in a certain way which is your safety behaviour and coping mechanism. In this situation it may help you to plan the things you need to do and why they are so important to you. Also looking at the evidence of the worst-case scenario not coming true can help too!
Have
you faced the fear of failure? How did you manage it, and did you try
any therapeutic techniques like developing a growth mindset?
I think it's likely I've been paralyzed by a fear of failure throughout my life and especially now. Usually, I would just push it down and do the thing anyway, because there was no other choice but to do so. Failure wasn't an option but neither was not doing the thing that leads to success either. I grew up in a very abusive household and I knew that it would get worse for me if I failed from not trying than if I pushed myself to impossible standards (which I then failed to meet anyway, because even if I did accomplish them, the conditions were switched at the last minute without consultation to where I had actually failed anyway - there was no success allowed).
I've had a hard time adopting a growth mindset for myself. I knew of it before. I know people can grow and learn and improve over time. With myself, it seems like an impossibility to fathom. I think it's because the fear of punishment is stuck inside me, no matter what I do.
I will add "developing a growth mindset for myself" to the list of things which I can't seem to do and for which I need to find a solution in order to do it.
@Zeraphim
Growing up in an abusive household has to be one of the biggest challenges we may face in life as it offsets everything that we do later in life unless we actively work through the pain we experienced. I am so sorry you had to go through this. Home should be a safe place and it is so damaging to us when it isn't.
I think for you it is tough to develop a growth mindset because over time you were taught this is not enough and everything you do is not enough, but you are enough and worthy of all the self-compassion that you can give yourself! It might help for you to explore your abusive household and the issues that it has brought up for you as I think this might help you with your overall outlook on life. Please remember you're not alone at 7 Cups. I'm glad you want to explore developing a growth mindset and we have some content at 7 Cups to help you on your way. 🌻
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS @Hope
My experience has been the opposite. I fear success more than I fear failure. The one time that I know fear of failure was very real was when I was in university. I was in a very competitive program and I constantly feared failing.
Back then I wasn’t as into personal growth as I am now and I didn’t know what a growth mindset even was.
@Kristynsmama
What do you think makes you fearful over success? It is great you have figured that out. I can imagine being in a competitive program made you feel like you might fail. It sounds like you have put so much work in which is great!
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
I'd love to hear from you all. Have you faced the fear of failure? How did you manage it, and did you try any therapeutic techniques like developing a growth mindset? Sharing our stories can be both cathartic and inspirational for others going through similar struggles.
i have experienced the fear of failure. and i am still working on it. developing a growth mindset in a very stressful period work for me, though.
@KateDoskocilova
You are doing so well to continue making positive steps forward despite the stressful period you are having at work. I hope it gets better for you soon and you can continue working on your personal growth.
Thank you for the guest post!
So, I have an attitude of "Feel the fear and do it anyway." That works to an extent in my professional life. There are careers I would have never attempted otherwise. I have taken risks that many others were too afraid to take. And they paid off....until they didn't because I ignored my values and didn't take care of myself.
I have always struggled with a fear of failure in relationships. The risk of dismissal, rejection, and abandonment were too great. So, I kept myself at a distance. Except for my Husband. He has always felt safe. I put him through a lot of tests early on that he passed with flying colors. So, it was always easier with him. I have recently learned that even with him, I am afraid to be vulnerable to an extent for fear our marriage will fail. I am now learning to be more vulnerable despite my fear. I remind myself that he is still here. And even if he leaves because I opened up more than he can handle, at least I know where he stands.
I am always afraid of failure. Sometimes I can move through it and other times it gets the better of me. Depends on who is involved and how much I want something.
Thanks, again.
-Griz
@HealingGriz
Thank you for sharing your experience. That is an interesting point you make. It reminds me of a unique advice 'Just because something is hard to achieve, does not mean it's worth having'. Your values are your compass, first, we need to see if what we are scared of even fits a fulfilling life and if it does not then it is best to face your fear somewhere else where it leads to a more fulfilling life.
Relationships are risky and I am glad you have your safe person. I have always found vulnerability to have an ironic side. We are scared to be vulnerable as we fear appearing weak, losing people but it is the exact thing that can strengthen relationships. It highlights your human side!
I love the concept of facing fears that are actually aligned with values. I am a go getter. So, I have always tried to face whatever fear came my way. Being discerning never occurred to me.
This reminds me of how it's been going with therapy. Coming in I was wanting to do it all. Let's face everything head on! My therapist was ready to be there as I did. We quickly found out that I was not ready to tackle everything right away. We had to slow it down tremendously!! I have even back burnered some things because I am either not ready or don't need to go there. He has been helping me really take the time to choose what I work on. Applying this to all areas might be a good thing.
Thanks for the feedback.
-Griz
@HealingGriz
I am glad the response was helpful. I agree, it may make sense to pick your battles.
I think sometimes we overestimate our energy and focus and that is okay! We live, we learn. I am glad you have a therapist that is a good fit.
@Hope
Beautiful words Hope!
@HealingGriz
This is excellent that you have learned to push through to the other side of your fear and this takes courage and resilience! What did you learn by sometimes taking the leap forward? What was on the other side? :)
You are doing so well at learning to trust that things will be okay in your marriage and it sounds like your husband is a comforting person to be around for you.
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS thank you for this post.
As someone who values trying a lot, I think I manage any fear of failure by shifting perspective by thinking we cannot fail if we tried our best. I also like reflecting on things learned and appreciating every opportunity. That openness and shift of focus probably keeps my fear to the minimum.
@SoulfullyAButterfly
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Another way of looking at it is 'Only those who try, fail' so even if you do fail, it means you tried, and that indicates effort and commitment.
I have noticed that you take on every task with commitment and focus which does help the chances of success!
@SoulfullyAButterfly
What a brilliant approach that keeps you moving forward. I tell my children this daily especially when my daughter is afraid of failing assessments because they have got them back to back. It is a great technique to try and look at things with a growth mindset and to see challenges as our best teacher!
I never really gave fear of failure much thought tbh. I don't know that it's that I really have a fear of failure. It's already set in my mind that it will fail so I don't fear it? Growing up it didn't matter how well something was done it was never good enough. So it was constant failure. There was always something wrong with everything done and always consequences because it was wrong
I don't know if I've ever encountered constructive criticism. I don't remember it anyway. The last criticism pretty much tore me apart and it's still stuck in my head. I'm pretty sure that what was said was said out of anger but it's still sticks with me
I am trying to change to a growth mindset by viewing mistakes as learning opportunities and acknowledging that I am trying to make things better - to feel better. I'm trying to acknowledge that even though the steps are baby steps - they're still steps forward - it's ok to be proud of them
@mytwistedsoul
It happens, we become familiar with the negative outcome. This way if you expect failure, you are not let down when you do fail. I think we do it to protect ourselves. It is very challenging to navigate life when we did not get that protective environment and those who should have encouraged us, instead chose to ridicule.
It can take time to even appreciate true constructive critisim when you are unfamiliar with it. I am glad you are working on nurturing a growth mindset. Little by little, one walks far
@mytwistedsoul
You are seen here at 7 Cups and the things you do here in this community are valued. When we receive someone criticising us in anger it sticks with us and usually contains a message they will likely regret because it is heated and in the moment. I am sorry it has impacted you and I hope you have someone to talk to about your negative experience.
You are making excellent baby steps, it is tough to do reprogram how we think and feel about fear when we have always been left with very critical words. This is a reminder to try be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. You are making excellent progress in the right direction.
Embrace Challenges: Challenges without a tangible reward at the end makes it difficult to put in the effort.
Learn from Criticism: I don't think people give constructive criticism. I have never seen it.
Celebrate Effort, Not Just Success: To bad the real world does not work like this. Maybe next time I am assigned work I'll just tell them I put in the effort but didn't finish it. I am sure my boss will appreciate the effort.
View Setbacks as Learning Opportunities: The only thing I have learned from failure is that I was not up to the task.
@Gettingbettertoday You've never met me. I've given constructive criticism more than once, usually when dealing with young artists who are starting out. The difference is in the purpose, which affects one's word choice. Budding artists & craftsmen must never be insulted. They should be helped.
