Building Self-esteem Series: The Fear of Failure
Hi there,
I hope you have enjoyed Hope’s Building Self-esteem Series as much as I have! Today, I wanted to open up a discussion about something we all face at some point in our lives: the fear of failure. It doesn’t matter who we are, what job we do, or how well we feel we have worked on our personal growth. It's a universal experience that can hold us back from reaching our full potential, both personally and professionally. However, I believe that by sharing our experiences and incorporating therapeutic techniques, we can overcome this fear and pave the way for personal growth.
Understanding the Fear of Failure
Firstly, let's acknowledge that the fear of failure is completely normal. It's a part of the human experience, and almost everyone has felt it at some point. Whether it's starting a new project, taking on a challenging task, or pursuing a dream, that little voice of doubt can creep in and make us question our abilities. We may even struggle with an internal critic that constantly holds us back with our negative internal dialogue and if you want some tips on how to quieten this voice please read here.
Developing a Growth Mindset:
One powerful therapeutic technique to combat the fear of failure is cultivating a growth mindset. The growth mindset is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. Instead of seeing challenges as insurmountable obstacles, individuals with a growth mindset view them as opportunities to learn and grow. Instead of avoiding challenges or not attending to them all together, the growth mindset teaches you to work through those challenges, to go with the river, and to see what you can learn on your journey!
Practical Steps for Developing a Growth Mindset:
Embrace Challenges: Rather than avoiding difficult tasks, actively seek out challenges. This can help reframe your perspective and view challenges as stepping stones to improvement.
Learn from Criticism: Constructive criticism is a valuable tool for growth. Instead of taking it personally which can sometimes happen, use it as feedback for improvement. Remember, even the most successful people faced setbacks and criticism on their journey. You are not alone and gradually it gets easy when you are able to invite constructive criticism. It takes practice and self-compassion to be able to learn from constructive criticism.
Celebrate Effort, Not Just Success: Shift the focus from end results to the effort you put in. Acknowledge your hard work and dedication, regardless of the outcome. This helps build resilience and perseverance and is one of the key ways to overcome the fear of failure.
View Setbacks as Learning Opportunities: When things don't go as planned, ask yourself what you can learn from the experience. Failure is not the end but rather a chance to refine your approach and try again with newfound knowledge.
Sharing Your Experiences:
I'd love to hear from you all. Have you faced the fear of failure? How did you manage it, and did you try any therapeutic techniques like developing a growth mindset? Sharing our stories can be both cathartic and inspirational for others going through similar struggles.
Remember, we're all in this together, and every setback is a chance to grow stronger. Let's create a supportive space to discuss, learn, and conquer the fear of failure as a community!
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences that you feel comfortable sharing.
Photo by Sammie Chaffin on Unsplash
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
Have you faced the fear of failure?
Yes, a lot of times, actually. Almost daily, I'm afraid that I'll mess up in some way. For example, at work, whenever I'm assigning a task to myself, I'm scared that I won't be able to do it well enough.
I constantly face the fear of failure with my hobbies as well. I'm scared to take new routes when doing indoor climbing. Especially routes that seem like previous ones I haven't been able to do.
I can even be reluctant to start playing video games because I'm scared that I won't have fun because of not doing well enough.
I'm afraid that this might be a real problem for me.
How did you manage it, and did you try any therapeutic techniques like developing a growth mindset?
Sometimes, I can just push through and convince myself that I'll have to try, and that failure is okay as well.
I haven't gone about it in a structured way like the growth mindset before. That's definitely worth a try.
@cautiousVixen
Setbacks are inevitable and they happen but what matters the most is we keep getting up and we do not give up! We push forward and eventually we learn to trust the process and ourselves a little more. It takes time and self-compassion and is a journey in life. It sounds like it does hold you back a little and your internal critic sends unhelpful messages. What is something you can tell yourself when you are struggling with self-doubt and the fear of failing?
Do some research on the growth mindset, I think you may enjoy it :)
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
Indeed, it holds me back quite a lot, I think. My inner critic might be the biggest problem when it comes to developing a growth mindset. But I'm definitely willing to try.
I'm definitely looking forward to giving the growth mindset a try. Hopefully, that can help me to pursue my journey with more self-esteem and compassion towards myself.
I guess that I could tell myself that failing is part of the process and that I'll inevitably become better the more I practice and do something. It'll be difficult to accept that but hopefully, if I say it often enough to myself, I'll believe it in the end.
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS Gotta say this is kind of a letdown. I saw the line about "how to conquer fear", clicked on it & it turns out be about overcoming the fear of failure.
It went from an advertisement of a general nature to something highly specific. Perhaps I wouldn't be as disappointed if I thought it was something I could use... I've been failing at things all my life, just like everyone else. Don't we all screw up sooner or later? You can't win 100% of the time because you're only human. My father once told me that "the only real failure is not trying"...not sure if I totally agree with that statement, but certainly it contains a grain of truth.
Guess I was hoping for an article that one could use to conquer the fear of death, or of danger. Fears of those phenomena are way more reasonable; for some of us, fearing sudden chaos is the most practical state of mind to be in.
@slowdecline48
Hi! I am sorry to hear that you were let down. The alert has a limit of words and it could not fit all the words. I hope you are able to find what you are looking for
@slowdecline48
Oh no, I am so sorry to hear this but it is great feedback and something we can use to make content more relevant. Would you like to see more content on overcoming fears in a more specific way? When we look at fear as something that is teaching us perhaps of an unmet need or something that is protecting us it can be useful. I know you have mentioned you struggle with this very often and sometimes if we look at failing as experiencing a setback, it can help us reframe it from being something final to being something we can learn from.
Have you faced the fear of failure? How did you manage it, and did you try any therapeutic techniques like developing a growth mindset? Sharing our stories can be both cathartic and inspirational for others going through similar struggles.
I am still learning how to face my fear of failure. One of these ways I have been facing it is being open to rejection and accepting it. It has allowed me to be more myself and not worry if someone thinks badly of me. It is still a work in progress, but I have seen positive results come from it. I also try to talk positively to myself, so that I am encouraged to move forward whether I am doing great or have made a mistake.
@CordialDancer
These are some great tips here on how to reframe moments in life that do not go to plan. Thank you so much for sharing!
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
I experienced fear of failure a lot. I think a large part of it could be attributed to the competitive environment I grew up in. As I grew older, I just began to accept and "internalize" the standards that were used to be imposed on me. Now, it has become something that's always in the back of my mind.
The way I handle it is to talk with people I trust. Even though I know a lot of times they were just saying good things to comfort me, at least at that moment I felt less stressed and more encouraged.
Fear of failure has also pushed me to always try my best, which is sort of draining, but it does lower the risk of me crying over failure for days 🥲.
@LZYYYy
I like how you are able to see the benefits of the fear of failure as it can motivate us to really strive to do our best in life too! It sounds like it helps you and also knowing you've got people you trust to talk to that are all rooting for you. This is wonderful and I am so sure you are very supportive towards them too!
I'd love to hear from you all. Have you faced the fear of failure? How did you manage it, and did you try any therapeutic techniques like developing a growth mindset? Sharing our stories can be both cathartic and inspirational for others going through similar struggles.
i think i've feared failing since my childhood. there was always this pressure to be perfect and thus when i felt i would fail at being the best or perfect, i didn't do many things that i wanted to. i actually realised that i fear failing recently.
i practise mindful meditations and they have helped a lot in overcoming my fear. in moments when i am afraid, i notice myself and then i am compassionate towards myself, just reminding myself that it's okay if i fail, i will learn something new and even if i fail i'll stand by myself.
@orangish
Pressure for perfection can contribute to this fear. I am glad you were able to realise that your fear has held you back. Awareness is the first step.
Mindfulness is a good way to stay in the present as fear is usually insisting that we think of the future. Yes, only those who try fail! Failing means you are trying
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
As I faced the daunting task of preparing for my upcoming exam with limited time, the fear of failure weighed heavily on my mind. Despite feeling overwhelmed and anxious, I refused to succumb to despair. Instead, I adopted a growth mindset and focused on maximizing the time I had available for studying. In the end, my efforts paid off, and I passed the exam, proving to myself that with determination and hard work, I could overcome even the most daunting challenges.
@WeEarth
Exams can be incredibly stressful. I am glad that you were able to stay focused. Thank you for sharing your success story.
@WeEarth
Congratulations!! :)
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
I do experience the fear of failure. I experience it mainly when I get things wrong. I beat myself up so much about it and feel like I have let everyone down even myself.
I don't really manage this well I just end up feeling negative or worrying or crying about it really. The growth mindset tips you have shared I will try out. One of the points was about criticism for the same reason as mentioned above I feel like I have failed myself. Do you have any suggestions on how to cope with criticism better so that I can develop a growth mindset?
@Harmony8682
That is interesting that for you it seems more about not being okay with failure when it comes rather than being scared of it before it happens.
I recommend checking out this post on personalization. Criticism can be harder to deal with when we take it personally. Your project lacks creativity does not mean you lack creativity, it means the project needs improvement. The same way as your car needs a wash does not mean you are dirty. Even when it is about you, it is not a personal attack.
I also think that people have this rosy image of dealing with criticism. You don't embrace it with a hug the first day, it takes some discomfort and suffering at first and eventually, the more you try to sit with it, review it objectively, and not take it personally, the easier it gets. Just remember that it gets easier.
@Harmony8682
Firstly, I wanted to say this was a big step reaching out to me! :) What a great reflection and question. Thank you!
Coping with criticism in a way that fosters a growth mindset can be challenging but incredibly beneficial for personal and professional development. Here are some suggestions to help you cope with criticism more effectively:
Embrace the Growth Mindset: Understand that criticism is an opportunity for growth and improvement rather than a reflection of your inherent abilities. Embrace the belief that you can learn and develop through effort and experience. It does of course depend on the criticism and it is important that it comes from a positive place that is meant to help you and not something to hurt you.
Shift Your Perspective: Instead of seeing criticism as a personal attack, view it as constructive feedback aimed at helping you improve. Try to detach yourself emotionally from the criticism and focus on the valuable insights it provides.
Listen Openly: When receiving criticism, listen actively and with an open mind. Avoid becoming defensive or dismissive. Pay attention to the specific points being made and consider how they can inform your growth and development.
Ask for Clarification: If you're unclear about certain aspects of the criticism, don't hesitate to ask for clarification. Seek examples or suggestions for improvement to gain a better understanding of what is being communicated.
Focus on Solutions: Instead of dwelling on the criticism itself, focus on finding solutions or actionable steps you can take to address the feedback. Approach it as an opportunity to problem-solve and make positive changes.
Seek Feedback Regularly: Actively seek out feedback from a variety of sources on a regular basis. This can help you become more comfortable with receiving criticism and provide you with diverse perspectives for growth.
Reflect and Learn: Take time to reflect on the criticism you receive and what it reveals about your strengths and areas for improvement. Use this insight to adjust your approach and continue learning and growing.
Build Resilience: Develop resilience to bounce back from criticism more effectively. Remind yourself of your past successes and the progress you've made. Cultivate self-compassion and resilience to overcome setbacks and persevere in the face of challenges.
Practice Self-Validation: While it's important to consider feedback from others, also learn to validate yourself internally. Recognise your own worth and accomplishments independent of external validation.
Celebrate Progress: Finally, celebrate your progress and growth along the way. Recognize and appreciate the efforts you're making to develop a growth mindset and embrace the journey of continuous improvement.
Have you faced the fear of failure? How did you manage it, and did you try any therapeutic techniques like developing a growth mindset?
For me I face a lot of fear going back to work. I started with some small jobs here and there, and have been able to feel more ready to work for a living now. :) Small steps is a big coping skill for me.
@IchooseLife79
Taking small steps is a brilliant coping skill and then we learn to separate one substantial task into small achievable steps. That is so great you do this!
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
Have you faced the fear of failure? How did you manage it, and did you try any therapeutic techniques like developing a growth mindset?
- Fear of failure isn't something that really bothers me a lot, as I give my best in overcoming any challenges and have always considered giving myself credit when I fail as long as I did put an action to it. But I can recall situations that I saw and found to be actually terrifying. These are instances when I'm not fully prepared and the timing is not on my side. The growth mindsets mentioned are actually effective, and I have tried most of them. Accepting that I have my weaknesses and that there's room for improvement is also helpful in moving on from the situation.
@Ubebe
That's a great perspective! It sounds like you approach challenges with a "give it your best shot" attitude and acknowledge both effort and outcome. Finding growth opportunities in failure demonstrates a strong growth mindset. It can be scary when things feel unprepared or out of your control, but focusing on what you can learn is an effective strategy.
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
I have dealt with fear my whole life. Until 2015, i was born in 1966, I was getting by well enough. I felt the fear and got through it. Now the fear is literally physically paralyzing and I am so dysregulated that I can't concentrate enough to do any moderation of the effects.
@Gettingbettertoday
I understand that fear has become a much bigger challenge for you in recent years. It sounds incredibly difficult to be dealing with physical paralysis and dysregulation on top of the fear itself. It maybe helpful to think of what worked in your life in the past and see if you can incorporate that again
@Hope
What worked for me in the past was facing my fear. I was quite stoic back then and enjoyed the struggle. I have a fear of heights yet I went on a hike along a trail on a 1800 ft cliff. I have done phone interviews, video interviews, sat on panels, signed autographs, and otherwise had a public life for 16 years. Now I can't do any of that.
@Gettingbettertoday
That all sounds quite brave. I enjoy stoicism! What is stopping you from doing all these things now?
@Hope
The fear stops me now. No matter how I approach it it stops me.
@Gettingbettertoday
Have you looked into exposure therapy?
@Hope
For exposure therapy to be successful the exposure attempt must be a positive experience or the subject is retraumatized. There seems to be no way to succeed.
