Weekly Prompt #3: What helped you understand and accept your sexuality/gender identity

@ASilentObserver

I would say no, I have not "come to terms" with my sexuality, in that, that implies it is something sad or unpleasant I have had to come to deal with, instead of the joyful loving experience my sexuality is. I accept myself, how I love and who I love but it's not something I feel I have to deal or cope with. Does a heterosexual come to terms with their heterosexuality?

The things I would say I've had to come to terms with, are societal attitudes and opinions, microaggressions, and people who accept but still see me as somehow lesser or broken. There I would say I have mostly come to terms with the reality that not everyone will accept, but it is a continual process of coping and dealing each time.

One situation that I find comes up a lot is where people who accept often ask questions or make statements that make it imply like my sexuality is something bad, sad, broken or wrong even while they try to be accepting and supportive. For example, a parent saying "It's okay, I still love you" as though being LGBTQ+ is something that makes you less loveable, but they'll push through and love you anyway.

This kind of acceptance without true understanding is tiring, makes me feel even when people claim to see, they don't really see. Even when they say they accept and it's not wrong or broken, their questions say on some level they still perceive it as this bad and broken thing that I'm suffering from, when what I'm suffering from is essentially attitudes that say I'm broken.

This progress without true change in understanding can be disheartening. Mostly when this happens I just try to help them see how their questions don't match their claims of acceptance, take a deep breath, and remember what is really broken is the disconnect, misunderstanding and hate, not me.

Just some thoughts.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

@ASilentObserver

How have you come to terms with your sexuality? What was that journey like for you?

I am not sure I have come to terms of this. But maybe I have. I don't run around waving the PFLAG. I don't have bumper stickers all over my car. I don't announce it at every moment or use it as weapon or as an excuse. If I am asked, I may acknowledge, but 100% depends on who or what I perceive as why I am being asked.

The Journey -

Bitter, Sour, Rocky, No good views along the way.
Bottom Line Up front, Have been in a 2 decade + relationship, so that is well. There are two wonderful, self supporting, strong boys whom have children of their own. So those are the end of the story wonders.
The beginning was anything positive. There had been large amounts of self hate, self loathing, confusion. I had never been (knowingly) a victim of hate because of that label. I have not (knowingly) been called THOSE words. But have heard the words from my father "You will burn in *** because of who you are".
So to the world outside of here, when I speak with people (who know) I try to gloss over the B.S. and let them know that there is Hope and speak of my relationship with a person whom is better than I.

I feel like I always knew I was queer, even from a super young age. It wasn't until I was an older kid that people around me said and showed me is so many ways that being Different from their realities was Wrong or bad in some way.

I think coming to terms for me, came around in my early 20s. I spent a lot of time online, read a lot, met a lot of people. Learned a lot of new things and did a lot of self discovery. I think being assured in who I am, and that my chosen family knows me, sees me and respects me is what got me to where I am today.

I know that there's always going to be some people that don't understand and won't even try to, but knowing who I am to myself and that my friends accept me as who I tell them I am at any given point in time is enough for me. No one can tell you who you are, but there will be people who will meet you half way and let you tell them and those are the ones that matter the most!

I am still on this journey, but I feel quite happy with myself at the moment. It took me ages (2 years) to figure out my sexuality (polysexual + ace) and gender identity (non binary), but I think I am in a good place. It feels nice, for once and I’m almost fully out in my social life. The knot of confusion around identity has dissipated a lot over the past few years and it’s a relief. :)

Speaking as me only not my role my opinions are my own-

Just wanted to point out I think this comes across as a micro aggressive way to word the question. My sexuality is not something I have to come to terms with. It’s not a disease like cancer. So to answer the question, I have not come to terms with it. It just is me. What is hard is judgement or hate etc. I think there’s better phrasing that could be used in the future.

How have you come to terms with your sexuality/gender identity?

Maybe you could change the question to ask something more like; What helped you understand and accept your sexuality/gender identity?

This website (specifically the LGBTQ+ community on this site), other LGBTQ+ websites, etc helped me understand more about my sexuality, gender identity, and romantic orientation. I was able to discover why I felt certain ways and why I felt different from other people when it came to these things. I learned new terms that I never discovered before.

I have learned so much and it has helped me be more accepting of myself when others can't accept me. I have learned to not care as much about what others think about me and care more about what I think about myself. It also helped me be more accepting of others for who they are in this community.

Hi,

As I received a homophobic education as a child, I would feel a lot of shame and anxiety being a teenager. I know that shame is always related to social contexts such as comparison. I really bought into all the toxic masculinity stuff like ‘you act like a little girl, don’t speak like a f*g’. But I think the main problem was that I’ve never had close friends, people towards whom I would have felt the confidence to come out. I came out a long time ago to my family, but it turned out not to be enough for me to be with okay with my gayness, they accept it though. I’m also working with a therapist on self-acceptance, it’s a long process for me. I’m just so tired of wanting to come across as straight so I will do coming out definitely at my next workplace, I’d like to open up more and more.

I'm bi..ive known it since I was 16 or 17. I was at a cross roads when I was 19... I had an online girlfriend i was making plans to go meet but then I met my now hub.

..it was easier because he was physically here whe. They've gf lived in another state. I've always been honest and upfront w him about him really being the only guy I like. My close friends know also but no one else knows..

I think i Always knew i Was a lesbian, but my ex-best friend told me Its Wrong before i even got to Tell her, my other friends told me that i like my girl classmate And make Fun of me for it, i thought i still liked boys, i thought i Was bi, but i Was only attracted to them, like when you Are attracted to a celebrity. Im 20 Now, And i kissed a boy, but it never Felt right And it made me weirdly uncomfortable, which never happened when i kissed a girl. Thats how i knew in that moment.