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Weekly Prompt #3: What helped you understand and accept your sexuality/gender identity

ASilentObserver April 13th, 2023

Hi everyone, I hope you are all well.

Last time we discussed, What one piece of advice would you give to your younger self?

In today's prompt, I want us to take a minute of reflection and share what was the journey of coming out looked like for you.


The prompt: What helped you understand and accept your sexuality/gender identity? What was that journey like for you?

Share your thoughts with us.


Join us in the LGBTQ Support Chat today!


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EmotionsListener April 13th, 2023

@ASilentObserver

I would say no, I have not "come to terms" with my sexuality, in that, that implies it is something sad or unpleasant I have had to come to deal with, instead of the joyful loving experience my sexuality is. I accept myself, how I love and who I love but it's not something I feel I have to deal or cope with. Does a heterosexual come to terms with their heterosexuality?

The things I would say I've had to come to terms with, are societal attitudes and opinions, microaggressions, and people who accept but still see me as somehow lesser or broken. There I would say I have mostly come to terms with the reality that not everyone will accept, but it is a continual process of coping and dealing each time.

One situation that I find comes up a lot is where people who accept often ask questions or make statements that make it imply like my sexuality is something bad, sad, broken or wrong even while they try to be accepting and supportive. For example, a parent saying "It's okay, I still love you" as though being LGBTQ+ is something that makes you less loveable, but they'll push through and love you anyway.

This kind of acceptance without true understanding is tiring, makes me feel even when people claim to see, they don't really see. Even when they say they accept and it's not wrong or broken, their questions say on some level they still perceive it as this bad and broken thing that I'm suffering from, when what I'm suffering from is essentially attitudes that say I'm broken.

This progress without true change in understanding can be disheartening. Mostly when this happens I just try to help them see how their questions don't match their claims of acceptance, take a deep breath, and remember what is really broken is the disconnect, misunderstanding and hate, not me.

Just some thoughts.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

1 reply
bestKite8488 August 30th

@EmotionsListener  My experience is different than yours.  I am not out to my family at all, so no problem there yet.  Society has been very accepting to me, but the city where I live does nothing to make it easier for lesbians to meet each other.  I find it very, very difficult to be gay.  Other women do not try hard enough to meet each other, and so after I emerged from the closet two years ago, I feel that it is other lesbians who have kept me in another closet - I am open about my sexuality now but can't find any other woman like me!

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Barltik2065 April 13th, 2023

@ASilentObserver

How have you come to terms with your sexuality? What was that journey like for you?

I am not sure I have come to terms of this. But maybe I have. I don't run around waving the PFLAG. I don't have bumper stickers all over my car. I don't announce it at every moment or use it as weapon or as an excuse. If I am asked, I may acknowledge, but 100% depends on who or what I perceive as why I am being asked.

The Journey -

Bitter, Sour, Rocky, No good views along the way.
Bottom Line Up front, Have been in a 2 decade + relationship, so that is well. There are two wonderful, self supporting, strong boys whom have children of their own. So those are the end of the story wonders.
The beginning was anything positive. There had been large amounts of self hate, self loathing, confusion. I had never been (knowingly) a victim of hate because of that label. I have not (knowingly) been called THOSE words. But have heard the words from my father "You will burn in *** because of who you are".
So to the world outside of here, when I speak with people (who know) I try to gloss over the B.S. and let them know that there is Hope and speak of my relationship with a person whom is better than I.



doeji April 13th, 2023

I feel like I always knew I was queer, even from a super young age. It wasn't until I was an older kid that people around me said and showed me is so many ways that being Different from their realities was Wrong or bad in some way.

I think coming to terms for me, came around in my early 20s. I spent a lot of time online, read a lot, met a lot of people. Learned a lot of new things and did a lot of self discovery. I think being assured in who I am, and that my chosen family knows me, sees me and respects me is what got me to where I am today.

I know that there's always going to be some people that don't understand and won't even try to, but knowing who I am to myself and that my friends accept me as who I tell them I am at any given point in time is enough for me. No one can tell you who you are, but there will be people who will meet you half way and let you tell them and those are the ones that matter the most!

1 reply
ASilentObserver OP April 14th, 2023

@doeji I'm so glad you were able to find your true self. Knowing who you are and surrounding yourself with people who love and accept you for who you are is so important. You seem to have come such a long way in your journey of self-discovery. Thank you for being here with us and sharing your experiences with us. <3

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Phoenix1234theythem April 13th, 2023

I am still on this journey, but I feel quite happy with myself at the moment. It took me ages (2 years) to figure out my sexuality (polysexual + ace) and gender identity (non binary), but I think I am in a good place. It feels nice, for once and I’m almost fully out in my social life. The knot of confusion around identity has dissipated a lot over the past few years and it’s a relief. :)

1 reply
ASilentObserver OP April 14th, 2023

@Phoenix1234theythem That's wonderful to hear. Self-discovery and acceptance are such an important journey. I'm glad you're in a place of clarity and comfort with who you are. We are happy for you for the progress you've made.

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EvelyneRose April 14th, 2023

Speaking as me only not my role my opinions are my own-

Just wanted to point out I think this comes across as a micro aggressive way to word the question. My sexuality is not something I have to come to terms with. It’s not a disease like cancer. So to answer the question, I have not come to terms with it. It just is me. What is hard is judgement or hate etc. I think there’s better phrasing that could be used in the future.

1 reply
ASilentObserver OP April 14th, 2023

@EvelyneRose Thank you for correcting me Eve. I could have worded it better. Thanks to @Jenna for better phrasing. Appreciate the feedback.

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FrenchMarbles April 14th, 2023

Tell me you're not in the LGBTQQIP2SA+ community without telling me you're not part of the LGBTQQIP2SA+ community.


Being our sexuality is not something that we just come to terms with. It's a bit bizarre and clearly shows a lack of education and tact.


Maybe you could come to terms that you need better education? 👁️👅👁️

2 replies
Jenna April 14th, 2023

@FrenchMarbles

We could all use some education on things we may not know or understand. It is what helps us grow and become more understanding to fight off stigma and stereotypes. Could you maybe show how you would phrase the question?

ASilentObserver OP April 14th, 2023

@FrenchMarbles Thank you for the feedback, Marbles. I definitely need to learn a lot about many things and that is why we have these discussions we all can come together and share and learn from each other.

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Jenna April 14th, 2023

How have you come to terms with your sexuality/gender identity?

Maybe you could change the question to ask something more like; What helped you understand and accept your sexuality/gender identity?

This website (specifically the LGBTQ+ community on this site), other LGBTQ+ websites, etc helped me understand more about my sexuality, gender identity, and romantic orientation. I was able to discover why I felt certain ways and why I felt different from other people when it came to these things. I learned new terms that I never discovered before.

I have learned so much and it has helped me be more accepting of myself when others can't accept me. I have learned to not care as much about what others think about me and care more about what I think about myself. It also helped me be more accepting of others for who they are in this community.

1 reply
ASilentObserver OP April 14th, 2023

@Jenna Hi Jenna, thank you for helping me to reframe the prompt more appropriately. It is nice to read how exploring your identity and learning to accept yourself can be an empowering journey. It sounds like connecting with supportive communities and resources has helped give you insight and confidence in who you are. I agree that focusing on self-acceptance despite what others may think is so important. I'm glad you've found places where you feel heard and understood.

ItsPreeti June 26th

@Jenna hey 👋🏻 

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orangeMaple6797 April 14th, 2023

Hi,

As I received a homophobic education as a child, I would feel a lot of shame and anxiety being a teenager. I know that shame is always related to social contexts such as comparison. I really bought into all the toxic masculinity stuff like ‘you act like a little girl, don’t speak like a f*g’. But I think the main problem was that I’ve never had close friends, people towards whom I would have felt the confidence to come out. I came out a long time ago to my family, but it turned out not to be enough for me to be with okay with my gayness, they accept it though. I’m also working with a therapist on self-acceptance, it’s a long process for me. I’m just so tired of wanting to come across as straight so I will do coming out definitely at my next workplace, I’d like to open up more and more.

generouscat0001 April 16th, 2023

I'm bi..ive known it since I was 16 or 17. I was at a cross roads when I was 19... I had an online girlfriend i was making plans to go meet but then I met my now hub.

..it was easier because he was physically here whe. They've gf lived in another state. I've always been honest and upfront w him about him really being the only guy I like. My close friends know also but no one else knows..

shinetsu April 16th, 2023

I think i Always knew i Was a lesbian, but my ex-best friend told me Its Wrong before i even got to Tell her, my other friends told me that i like my girl classmate And make Fun of me for it, i thought i still liked boys, i thought i Was bi, but i Was only attracted to them, like when you Are attracted to a celebrity. Im 20 Now, And i kissed a boy, but it never Felt right And it made me weirdly uncomfortable, which never happened when i kissed a girl. Thats how i knew in that moment.