Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #9) Passive-Aggressive Communication
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Healthy communication is key!
Questions:
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
Activity: Please reply to 3 of your peers in this thread with encouraging or supportive words!
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What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
silent treatment, subtle insults, procrastination on purpose, sabotage, and score keeping
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
I've dealt with family members who are pros at giving the silent treatment instead of communicating their needs directly.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
It halts progress. It muddles communication instead of keeping things direct and clear.
@GoldenNest2727
Sorry to hear you dealt with that, golden. It can be really upsetting especially when it's a silent treatment from a family member and they arent speaking up to resolve an issue (if there's any)
And I obsolutely agree with you on halt of progress, as no one could move forward with such toxic behaviour.
Thank you for sharing it with us ❤
@GoldenNest2727
I really feel you about the silent treatment from family members. *Hugs offered* 💜
@Heather225
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
1. The Silent Treatment
2. Subtle Insults
3. Procrastinating on Purpose
4. Sabotage
5. Keeping Score
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
I have been a victim of the Silent Treatment on many occasions. However, sometimes I think that after an argument it is good to cool off and not talk to the person you are arguing with for a while.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our
community?
It is a big problem with communication. It is always best to be direct and let people know exactly how you feel.
@Train1
I never thought about it that way, but yes! Sometimes it just needs a bit time before you can address the issue again 💜
@Train1
stepping back after heated fight is always a good thing to do.
@Train1
I agree Train, being direct (but friendly!) is best for everyone. It lessens confusion and helps us all work together more easily :)
@Train1
Being direct is absolutely so much better than passive-aggression, I agree!
@Heather225
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
1. The silent treatment
2. Subtle insults
3. Procrastinating on purpose
4. Sabotage
5. Keeping score
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
I have personally dealt it with one of my batch mate in university. An example of the passive aggressive behavior was - keeping score. Due to being unwell I was unable to help her with an assignment so she had to do it alone on that day, and she was upset about it although she did not mention anything but I could see it from her reaction that she wasn't pleased. So one day, when I needed her help with an assignment she said "I can't help because I have something important to do, remember the time you weren't there for me when I needed you"? Obviously I was hurt with her statement.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
Because it creates a toxic and inconducive environment. There would a negative impact in the community growth due to bitterness and resentment among people. No one would feel comfortable to open up because they wouldn't feel safe and often feel like they are being indirectly "attacked".
@Harsvin
That sounds really painful, I am so sorry you had to experience that 💙
@Harsvin
you made some good points when it comes with stating the bad things that could happen.
@Harsvin
I'm so sorry you've been on the receiving end of such treatment. I didn't really think about how it would impact people speaking up, stifling communication in that way.
@Harsvin
Indeed, it hurts when someone keeps score about how much he or she did for you and how much you did. Friendship is never a trade.
@Heather225
It's a topic I haven't given much thought to be honest, so it's even more important to me that you brought it up now. Thank you!
Questions:
1) What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
2) What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
3) Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
Answers:
1) The five signs of passive-aggressive communications are:
Silent Treatment
Subtle Insults
Procrastinating on Purpose
Sabotage
Keeping Score
2) I experienced the silent treatment and the subtle insults from my family now and then. But I think it was still up to a level where it was okay and I was able to cope with it.
3) Passive-aggressiveness can be very damaging to the community, as it makes the environment unsafe, it might feel like everyone is against you.
So instead of spreading passive aggressiveness, let us show love and support in the community, as that is what kept Cups thriving all these years! 💜
@MelodyoftheOcean
I am so glad u are able to cope with it.
@Goalsforlife
Thank you!
@MelodyoftheOcean
I really like how you've phrased the damage passive-agressiveness can do 'making the environment unsafe'. And yes, lets show love and support to everyone ❤
1
Silent Treatment.
Subtle insults.
Procrastinating on purpose.
Sabotage.
Keeping score.
2 I do not have any at. This time
3 it caused things to be safe , things going in the wrong direction and people not being on the same page.
@Goalsforlife
Interesting answer! I'm really glad that you have never encounter the passive-aggressive behaviors in you life :)
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
The silent treatment
Subtle insults
Procrastinating on purpose
Sabotage
Keeping score
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
Keeping score, procrasintating on purpose and the silent treatement were all used in my previous relationship sadly. It's left a mark for sure. Hard to believe people when they say things now but thankfully my new partner is incredibly kind and understands me so well.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
It breaks trust and allows for miscommunication. It breaks down relationships and self esteem too.
@gentleFox20
Thanks for sharing this! I know how a torturing relationship could leave a mark. It's really courageous to share it here! : )
@gentleFox20
Definitely agree with why it is so damaging. Trust is so important, and it really affects how we feel about ourselves.
Sorry to hear you've had a lot of experience with it.
Q1: What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
1. The silent treatment
2. Subtle insults
3. Procrastinating on purpose
4. Sabotage
5. Keeping score
Q2: What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
A: My friend sometimes use those passive aggression communication. For example, stop talking to me on purpose, suggest that I deserve to be sad and frustrated, keeping score on what she did for me. But I don’t want to blame her for it. To be honest, I sometimes do this too. Maybe she just don’t know how to show she’s upset. I feel like it’s not the best way to express. But I’ll try to express myself in a more direct and soft way so that she could know that there are other choice than being controlling.
Q3: Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
A: It’s damaging because when people use passive aggression tactics, they are trying to show they have power over others. Other people may feel like their autonomy is threatened and switch to the defensive mode. This is not beneficial for a high warmth and high expectation community.
@Glencia89
I find the thought that passive-aggressive behaviour comes from a lock of different options to express that you're feeling upset, really interesting. Thank you for sharing it!
@Heather225
1. The silent treatment
2. Subtle insults
3. Procrastinating on Purpose
4. Sabotage (deliberately messing something up)
5. Keeping Score (People who keep track of favors)
Procrastinating on purpose is an example of passive aggression.
It may often be indicative of lack of interest , bother , dishonesty thus portraying insecurity and lack of warmth and thus can be very harmful
@PhoenixTears5972
Your thought that passive-aggressive behaviour comes from a lack of warmth makes so much sense. Thank you for sharing it!
@Heather225
The five signs of passive-aggressive communication are the silent treatment, subtle insults, procrastinating on purpose, sabotage and keeping score.
At times I have experienced people throwing subtle insults at me. Often it was to express some sort of frustration or hurt, but because the person wasn’t direct, I was unable to accurately gauge what the person wanted me to do differently, or even what hurt them.
Passive-aggression is damaging to our community because it doesn’t allow for fluid communication of our frustrations. Feedback could have been given instead, the parties involved could have discussed something that frustrated them to correct their own misinterpretations of certain behaviors or convey that they were hurt. When one party is passive-aggressive, it makes understanding their frustrations more difficult, as opposed to if they were direct in their communication. It’s also easy to put people on the defensive and encourage passive-aggression in the other party.
@Glue
I absolutely agree! Giving feedback is so much more helpful than subtle insults, since it allows us to grow.
@Glue
To the point Friend!
Subtle insults are difficult to understand, and therefore I always take it in a good way. Though the person may have done it thinking the other way.
@Glue
I agree with what you've said about subtle insults... I get the feeling from what you've said that, it's almost hard to notice it's wrong from what you've said, when it's so subtle, you doubt whether it's yourself.. 'overeacting.'
@Heather225
What are the 5 signs of passive-aggressive communication?
- The Silent Treatment: not responding to messages
- Subtle Insult: insults that aren't obvious and undermine your confidence
- Procrastinating on Purpose: postponing a favour/task multiple times to show power
- Sabotage: messing things up for another person on purpose
- Keeping Score: keeping track of favours and punishing accordingly
What is one example of passive-aggressive behavior you have experienced in your life?
I think I often oversee passive-aggressive behaviour, since I'm someone who takes things quite literally. One thing that I certainly know though, is people suddenly not responding in tense situations (without an info, like "I need some time to think, I'll get back to you tomorrow") which is something that is really challenging for me since open communication is very important to me.
Why is passive aggression so damaging to our community?
It hurts the general trusting, supportive atmosphere which is the basis of our community, which depends on clear communication.
@audienta
It is positive that you saw how passive-aggressive behaviour can cause hurt and a general lack of trust! I never thought about the trust side.
I completely agree with the impact it can have on a supportive atmosphere and how negative it can be!
This was a great answer thank you!
Waves
@audienta
Very true, in 7 cups mostly I see members coming up with these communication issues. I think we can relate it to the Silent Treatment bracket, which is never right.
@audienta
I like the word 'dependence' you've included... the reliance on a safe community.