Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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1.) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have been in a conflict resolution situation. As a listener, sometimes members have wanted to discuss things that have happened in the group rooms after a conflict has arisen and affected them. I try to resolve it by first making them aware of how negative triangulation can be and setting clear boundaries for talking about situations like this. I listen to their feelings towards the situation without going into detail about what happened and show support. I also try to share useful resources such as the report forms and fill them in myself if the situation calls for it.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
- I think being able to destress or release the negative emotions you feel during a conflict can be really helpful in resolving it - such as using grounding techniques to help you feel calmer.
- Trying to label what you're feeling and also what the other person might be feeling about the situation might be helpful in deciding the best course of action for the situation - for example if you're feeling really stressed and the other person is angry, immediately talking to them about it may be more harmful than finding another way to resolve the conflict.
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Also body language (or tone in messages) can mean a lot when trying to resolve conflicts, and appearing open to listening and appreciating the other person's views can go a long way in resolving conflicts.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I have once been on either side of a conflict resolution situation. I resolved it by finding a compromise that allows both parties to be satisfied. For instance, I was babysitting two kids who were fighting about who gets to play the Playstation. I suggested that they both take turns playing the Playstation, with each child playing for 30 minutes until giving the controller to the other player and so on.
2.)Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
One way as well that isn’t added on the list is to keep calm as being in the middle of a conflict can be stressful, as well as to not take any side unless it is clear one of the parties is in the wrong.
@Heather225
Amazing stuff
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation?
Yes
How did you resolve it?
I expressed my discomfort or my disagreement and I listened as my colleague expressed their side of the story. We then discussed and reached a consensus on how to move forward so as not to fight over the same matter again.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Listening attentively as the other person speaks before jumping to conclusions or cutting them short.
@Heather225
Question
1.) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Answer: Yes, of course! Living in a joint family, I often found myself in the middle of a conflict. I would be lying if I said it is easy to control whatever we are saying or doing in the heat of the situation. However, giving each other space to calm down and think about the subject by putting ourselves in the other person's shoes, helps a lot.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict resolution?
Ans: As I have mentioned above, giving each other space to let them cool down, thinking about it in a different way, considering their feelings and perspective helps work things down. In group chatrooms, I have seen MODS throw in random ice-breaker questions or directing the topic to something else to achieve the same result which I believe is a good idea.
@Textingpals Indeed, ice-breakers are a fun and easy way to calm a particularly tense situation <3
@Heather225
1. Yes I have, firstly I removed myself and gave myself to calm down so that I could think and react better, I gave the other person time to communicate about the issue and we both came to a neutral solution.
2.Do not take sides, give the person equal time to talk and understand their feelings, dont try to avoid conflict talk about it and come to a neutral solution.
@Moonlemon48
I think sometimes the only way to calm down is to remove ourselves from the current situation. It takes a lot of recognition to realize that. Also, I think not taking sides is really important as well.
Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes. We took space to cool down and then talked things through with each other. It gave us a better understanding of the conflict.
 Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I think open communication between everyone involved goes a long way.
@Heather225
I found it really hard to come up with something myself since this post covers almost all the points of a healthy conflict management. Haha
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
A. Almost all my life, I've tried to be on the understanding side of a conflict because I believe the best way to approach a conflict is to try and understand where the person is coming from, what's making them feel that way and what can be done to help improve the situation or simply let them know that they've been heard and validate their feelings. Most of the time, this works in almost every situation.
2.) Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
A. Dropping the need of being loudest one in the room. It could be tempting but leads to nowhere but more chaos.
@lyricalSea85 I agree with not being the loudest one in the room. It can be tempting to cause more chaos at times but keeping a cool head is definitely best in resolving a conflict
@xinyii11
Thank you for your supportive words! :')
@lyricalSea85
Being the loudest one in the room isn't helpful at all. What needs to happen is for everyone to take turns and communicate in a productive fashion. Nice point!
I couldn't agree more myself. :)
1. Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I have! I come from a family that's constantly arguing, which in turn made me more determined than ever to avoid conflicts outside of my family. When I'm in a disagreement with someone else, I find that the most useful tip is to step back and come back to the situation when everyone is calmer. After all, we can't do anything if we're all worked up and furious :)
2. Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I'd say the tips listed above are pretty solid! It's also good to recognize what went wrong in the conversation, identify the source of the conflict, and go from there.
1.) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes
I solved it by trying to talk to both sides and conclude what is the reason for the conflict is. I then tried to make them be in a point of understanding and the first thing was making them talk to each other and explain their reasons of conflict. They then could be accepting forgiveness by my help.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict resolution?
1. Listen to the conflict story from both sides.
2. Avoid rumors.
3. Understand the reasons if they are already presented or they are added to the story.
4. Consider cultural differences.
I like that you mentioned so listen to rumors, take the time to listen to the others person story, it’s annoying when someone has already made up their mind going into a conversation
