Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of
conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we
haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Yes of course, being human that happens! Working in customer services taught me to listen to what the issue is, to calmly explain your perspective, working together to form a solution.
To understand where they are coming from and meeting in the middle :D
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I haven't dealt with it at 7 Cups, most listeners and members seem genuinely kind and interested in learning different perspectives. However, I've faced conflict in real life. I don't find conflict tricky, in general, but I bet it would be tougher to work through online.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
A think it helps to sit on things for a day or two when possible.
@GoldenNest2727
having a cool off time is what I often do when I get upset with someone.
@Heather225
It's such an important topic Heather, thank you for including it!
Questions:
Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I came across a few people who tended to state their beliefs as facts. I have no problem with them being convinced about it, but I communicated that I would like them to rephrase it, as it is not something I see the same way. Usually that made the conversation way more open-minded!
Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I always try to look at the other one's perspective, ask for clarification if I don't understand something and just try to look at it the way they are looking at it. Usually by understanding, I can explain how I see the whole thing way better.
So yes, 'looking through their eyes' would be something I would add!
Thank you for reading through this, you amazing, cupsing person!
💜
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, numerous times in real life and online. Where there have been misunderstandings about certain topics and situations. I resolved it by hearing out the other person's point of view by stepping back and letting them speak without judging them. Even asked questions in order to understand their perspective better , and reflected back on the situation to know what caused the conflict. In the end, we found a common ground, respecting each others point of view. And understood that not everyone would think alike so we agree to disagree
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
- Establishing healthy boundaries
Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, even during an argument. During a heated argument if someone swears, calls names, or ridicules, it's important to draw the line by telling them to stop. If they persist, walk away and tell you that you don’t want to continue arguing right now.
- Being mindful of actions and try to stay calm
I think it's essential to be mindful of our actions by being cautious and avoiding hurting someone's feelings which would only cause regrets. Anger and frustration are natural emotions one experiences in an argument, so it's important to manage it by doing breathing exercises in order to stay calm and composed.
1 can not of any thing right now.
2 a hear the whole story out.
b say I statements and come up with what u going to say a head of time
@Goalsforlife
ask what I can do differently for next time
@Goalsforlife
Great response! It's indeed important to think how to prevent similar conflict after one just happened
@Heather225
Yes I have and I would say the best thing to do is create that space first before diving into conflict resolution. Make sure you feel calm and able to listen to the other person and work on finding a solution together.
I think preparing a few points that you want to discuss might be a good idea as it's easy to get off track. Also admitting that you may have misunderstood or made a mistake early on shows the other person that you are not 'fighting' with them, there does not have to be a winner and a loser. You can work together instead.
@gentleFox20
I agree with you that we should admit that we might misinterpreted other's meaning. Sometimes a neutral message may be interpreted as aggressive simply because they didn't show their kindness directly.
@gentleFox20
Absolutely! In a conflict, we tend to want to "win", forgetting that we can only win together. If one of us looses, we both loose...
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I once had a conflict about our literary teacher about the different interpretation of the novel. We kind of only expressing our own ideas. At that time, I feel like any disagreement is a disprove of my own existence. (yeah, childish, silly, I know, but it’s me) The the quote in the novel suddenly came to my mind. I realize that if I want to resolve the problem, I had to take actions. So I quickly find out that we had the same basic assumption but used different view point.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I would recommend give the other person some time and place to calm. Because some people I met online had a hard time identify their emotion and tend to ignore its effect on their ability to reason. I could not really change them but I could clarify what my goal is so that they can take all the time they need to process them.
@Glencia89
I agree that giving and taking time is very important. Then we can take a step back and approach the conflict in a more rational, constructive way.
@Heather225
1. Yes, I manage conflict resolution at my college project group . My strategy is to get all te participants working together so that everyone is given equal opportunities to present their ideas and to make sure that everyone's opinions are given utmost importance for the work. At the end of the project I also try to create a contribution page where the contribution of each participant is printed and presented so that it gives them the feeling that they are all heard and treated and their efforts are valued equally.
2. My tip for conflict resolution is to listen more and try to understand what the others got to say. And then explain your own ideas politely and together decide what will be the best instead of defending one's own point.
@PhoenixTears5972
Yes, I agree with you - listening so such an important part! It prevents the issue that everyone just repeats their statement and gets frustrated in the end. And in addition to that, it creates the possibility of finding a common ground.
@PhoenixTears5972
I think you've really highlighted the importance of everyone having a voice, making sure everyone is heard, that's great!
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I have. I tried to resolve it by using listening skills and trying to find a common ground. However, I couldn't create a helpful dialogue, so after a while, I decided to simply state my boundaries and let it go. I stuck to those boundaries, and they accepted it, so I guess it was some kind of solution, but I'd preferred it if we could have found a real agreement.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I think a tip would be to take your time. I've grown up in an environment with a lot of conflicts and the most important thing that I learned, is, that you rarely need to answer to something immediately. Especially in conflict situations, the other person makes you feel like you need to respond immediately, but in fact, that's rarely true. So, what I try to do now, is to take my time. This can look differently in different situations. Something that you can always do is to not answer immediately, but take a deep breath and 30 seconds to calm down before you respond. If possible, you can then take the next step: a bathroom break. That's also something that you can do almost always. And while you are in the bathroom, you use some skills to calm down, for example deep breathing or stretching, and try to think clearly again. And the third step, that's not always possible, would be to ask the person to have this conversation at a later point (hours, days, it depends on the situation).
@audienta
That's great that you've been able to adapt when trying listening skills didn't work so well!
@Heather225
Due to my role as Room Supporter, and my position in a volunteering organisation, I have been involved in conflicts. In my volunteering organisation: often, people feel as though they aren’t heard, and to give them both the space to clearly outline their goals and expectations is necessary to undo any miscommunication that may have occurred. The ultimate goal in conflict resolutions was always to encourage collaboration and make clear to both parties how their goals aligned and what steps had to be taken so they could meet their goal through cooperation.
Finding common ground is important, but how common ground can be found is something that wasn’t touched upon. In the case of both having a goal and having different solutions/methods, it’s important to make clear both parties have the same goal and to give them space and time to elaborate on why they think their solution might work. To interject or show disapproval constantly is not helpful in this situation and only fosters animosity. If it becomes clear they can cooperate to attain this goal, encouraging that is important, not just for the goal’s sake, but also for encouraging bonding and correcting the parties’ ideas of one another. This strategy is often used to integrate multiple cultures in neighborhoods: collaboratively solving shared problems.
