Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly

@Heather225

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

Yes of course, being human that happens! Working in customer services taught me to listen to what the issue is, to calmly explain your perspective, working together to form a solution.

To understand where they are coming from and meeting in the middle :D

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I haven't dealt with it at 7 Cups, most listeners and members seem genuinely kind and interested in learning different perspectives. However, I've faced conflict in real life. I don't find conflict tricky, in general, but I bet it would be tougher to work through online.

2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
A think it helps to sit on things for a day or two when possible.

@GoldenNest2727

having a cool off time is what I often do when I get upset with someone.

@Heather225

It's such an important topic Heather, thank you for including it!

Questions:

Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

I came across a few people who tended to state their beliefs as facts. I have no problem with them being convinced about it, but I communicated that I would like them to rephrase it, as it is not something I see the same way. Usually that made the conversation way more open-minded!

Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

I always try to look at the other one's perspective, ask for clarification if I don't understand something and just try to look at it the way they are looking at it. Usually by understanding, I can explain how I see the whole thing way better.

So yes, 'looking through their eyes' would be something I would add!

Thank you for reading through this, you amazing, cupsing person!

💜

@Heather225

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

Yes, numerous times in real life and online. Where there have been misunderstandings about certain topics and situations. I resolved it by hearing out the other person's point of view by stepping back and letting them speak without judging them. Even asked questions in order to understand their perspective better , and reflected back on the situation to know what caused the conflict. In the end, we found a common ground, respecting each others point of view. And understood that not everyone would think alike so we agree to disagree

2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

- Establishing healthy boundaries

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, even during an argument. During a heated argument if someone swears, calls names, or ridicules, it's important to draw the line by telling them to stop. If they persist, walk away and tell you that you don’t want to continue arguing right now.

- Being mindful of actions and try to stay calm

I think it's essential to be mindful of our actions by being cautious and avoiding hurting someone's feelings which would only cause regrets. Anger and frustration are natural emotions one experiences in an argument, so it's important to manage it by doing breathing exercises in order to stay calm and composed.

1 can not of any thing right now.

2 a hear the whole story out.

b say I statements and come up with what u going to say a head of time

@Goalsforlife

ask what I can do differently for next time

@Goalsforlife

Great response! It's indeed important to think how to prevent similar conflict after one just happened

@Heather225

Yes I have and I would say the best thing to do is create that space first before diving into conflict resolution. Make sure you feel calm and able to listen to the other person and work on finding a solution together.

I think preparing a few points that you want to discuss might be a good idea as it's easy to get off track. Also admitting that you may have misunderstood or made a mistake early on shows the other person that you are not 'fighting' with them, there does not have to be a winner and a loser. You can work together instead.

@gentleFox20

I agree with you that we should admit that we might misinterpreted other's meaning. Sometimes a neutral message may be interpreted as aggressive simply because they didn't show their kindness directly.

@gentleFox20

Absolutely! In a conflict, we tend to want to "win", forgetting that we can only win together. If one of us looses, we both loose...

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

I once had a conflict about our literary teacher about the different interpretation of the novel. We kind of only expressing our own ideas. At that time, I feel like any disagreement is a disprove of my own existence. (yeah, childish, silly, I know, but it’s me) The the quote in the novel suddenly came to my mind. I realize that if I want to resolve the problem, I had to take actions. So I quickly find out that we had the same basic assumption but used different view point.

2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

I would recommend give the other person some time and place to calm. Because some people I met online had a hard time identify their emotion and tend to ignore its effect on their ability to reason. I could not really change them but I could clarify what my goal is so that they can take all the time they need to process them.

@Glencia89

I agree that giving and taking time is very important. Then we can take a step back and approach the conflict in a more rational, constructive way.

@Heather225

1. Yes, I manage conflict resolution at my college project group . My strategy is to get all te participants working together so that everyone is given equal opportunities to present their ideas and to make sure that everyone's opinions are given utmost importance for the work. At the end of the project I also try to create a contribution page where the contribution of each participant is printed and presented so that it gives them the feeling that they are all heard and treated and their efforts are valued equally.

2. My tip for conflict resolution is to listen more and try to understand what the others got to say. And then explain your own ideas politely and together decide what will be the best instead of defending one's own point.

@PhoenixTears5972

Yes, I agree with you - listening so such an important part! It prevents the issue that everyone just repeats their statement and gets frustrated in the end. And in addition to that, it creates the possibility of finding a common ground.

@PhoenixTears5972

I think you've really highlighted the importance of everyone having a voice, making sure everyone is heard, that's great!

@Heather225

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

Yes, I have. I tried to resolve it by using listening skills and trying to find a common ground. However, I couldn't create a helpful dialogue, so after a while, I decided to simply state my boundaries and let it go. I stuck to those boundaries, and they accepted it, so I guess it was some kind of solution, but I'd preferred it if we could have found a real agreement.

2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

I think a tip would be to take your time. I've grown up in an environment with a lot of conflicts and the most important thing that I learned, is, that you rarely need to answer to something immediately. Especially in conflict situations, the other person makes you feel like you need to respond immediately, but in fact, that's rarely true. So, what I try to do now, is to take my time. This can look differently in different situations. Something that you can always do is to not answer immediately, but take a deep breath and 30 seconds to calm down before you respond. If possible, you can then take the next step: a bathroom break. That's also something that you can do almost always. And while you are in the bathroom, you use some skills to calm down, for example deep breathing or stretching, and try to think clearly again. And the third step, that's not always possible, would be to ask the person to have this conversation at a later point (hours, days, it depends on the situation).

@audienta

That's great that you've been able to adapt when trying listening skills didn't work so well!

@Heather225

Due to my role as Room Supporter, and my position in a volunteering organisation, I have been involved in conflicts. In my volunteering organisation: often, people feel as though they aren’t heard, and to give them both the space to clearly outline their goals and expectations is necessary to undo any miscommunication that may have occurred. The ultimate goal in conflict resolutions was always to encourage collaboration and make clear to both parties how their goals aligned and what steps had to be taken so they could meet their goal through cooperation.

Finding common ground is important, but how common ground can be found is something that wasn’t touched upon. In the case of both having a goal and having different solutions/methods, it’s important to make clear both parties have the same goal and to give them space and time to elaborate on why they think their solution might work. To interject or show disapproval constantly is not helpful in this situation and only fosters animosity. If it becomes clear they can cooperate to attain this goal, encouraging that is important, not just for the goal’s sake, but also for encouraging bonding and correcting the parties’ ideas of one another. This strategy is often used to integrate multiple cultures in neighborhoods: collaboratively solving shared problems.

@sunnyLion4273

Ah, that's interesting, I've just come across Dearman from my therapy team too! It definitely makes people less defensive and more willing to listen to each other, in my experience.

@Heather225

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

More on a professional front, I had this issue and I did something , in-fact tried something that many would not dare to in an organization. I was a manager and so a mediator between employees and the employer. When I spoke to employees I make sure to let them know the things they haven't done right, though employers support them to do and , same way, I discussed with the employer telling them the good things the employees have done for the organisation and the changes we could bring for their betterment etc.

To my surprise this worked. So yes, it was risky try, but won at last.

2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

Listen and communicate- two back bone in any relationships or organization issues. This really works. Calmly listen and then do the talking. While communication means 100% what u say should be conveyed the same 100% to the receptor.

@Heather225

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
in 7 cups i don't think so, not yet anyways but obviously that does not mean it wont happen... and if i had to think of it being a situation, i would resolve it by taking the ness protocols on 7 cups, and the right forms to fill out if it wasn't handled. i would prob go to use my listener skills and be respectful and kind and more appropriately assertive and set boundaries.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
If i could think of one tip we can list to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution it would have to be not gossiping about the situation to another person, taking care of it with that specific person respectfully and kindly fashion

Avoiding triangulation, definitely <3

@Heather225

1) My job role in real life involves working with children with learning difficulties and disabilities so conflict resolution comes with the job role! It is very common in my work that the children have conflict. Therefore a lot of the time I have to be the person to step in and resolve the conflict. Usually, I resolve things like this by listening to both sides and making sure there is no favouritism shown. No matter who you agree with it is important to stay non-judgemental and make sure all people involved feel validated and listened to.

2) My tip is to pick your battles. When trying to resolve conflict it is common for other conflicts to arise and it is your role to decide whether this is worth exploring without bringing up more issues. However, it is still important to explore the other conflicts that arise but I think this should be done at a later date when everything is calmed and people are thinking with a clear head. My tip is also to make sure everyone waits their turn to start speaking as everyone talking other each other makes things worse. It is also important to ask questions so you can understand the full extent of the situation before moving forwards.

1. I don't have much experience but I have a conflict with my cyberbully. And I resolved it by leaving that person and ask a listener to help me because that person don't want to apologize at all.

2. I'm pretty sure admitting your mistakes and apologizing is really important

I'm sorry to hear that happened, it sounds like you handled it well <3 I agree, that's a good tip :)

@Heather225

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

I have recently involved in my family's mediation sessions. Our mediator noticed we all became very defensive. So we have stopped making flippant comments to each other, and agree to disagree. It doesn't make things perfect, but definitely lessens the intensity of the conflict.

2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

It's okay to agree to disagree!

Glad to hear you worked it out <3 And yes, okay to disagree!

1.) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? Yes, I have been on either side of a conflict resolution situation however I don't feel comfortable talking about it. How did you resolve it? It was complicated and maybe I will talk about it soon I don't know.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict resolution? Taking a step back and coming back to it at a different point and it's okay to agree to disagree.

Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

I've experienced this a lot as a mod. Resolution usually involves empathizing with all involved, validating their feelings, and then trying to move on.

Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

If you can't make it work, icebreakers :p

@Heather225

1. Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? Yes, I have been on either side of a conflict resolution situation. It wasn't here on 7Cups but at work between my manager and my favorite co-worker. How did you resolve it? I just took a step back as they both wanted to justify their actions towards the other and I couldn't pick a side.
2. Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict resolution? Taking a step back and just watch it from the sideline (if possible). You can always try to help and resolve it.

@Heather225

Q: Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

A: yeah I have a few times actually, there was a fight between my friend and another person. I separated them and started to hug my friend so he would calm down, I started to talk to him and to also calm him down, after he was calmed down I asked if the other person was calm and if he was calm enough to talk. We talked about it and about what actually was the issue ,eventually it got solved.

Q:  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

A: My tip would be to listen to what the other person is saying and to hear their feedback or their sides, in this way both stories can be heard and then you can work to a solution and to prevent it in the future.

@Heather225

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

Yes I have. Being someone who communicates with a lot of people, misunderstandings are something that occurs here and there during it. By openly communicating with it, and through active listening, and open communication, I've found that many conflicts have been resolved

2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

Keeping healthy boundaries. During heated exchanges, its really easy to lose rationality and the main subject of the conflict, so keeping healthy strict boundaries is important as well

@Heather225

I have encountered conflict resolution several times. As the eldest of my siblings, i have always been the one to find a common ground, convey my viewpoints calmly and try and reach a mutual agreement.

Another recommendation could be to try and be compassionate and open to properly comprehend the other individual’s point.

@Heather225

1.) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it? Yes, I have. I don't try to convince them that I'm right, but express myself with explanations and listen to them calmly.

2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution? Yes, give each other some space and speak only when things have cooled down.

@Helpingheart23

i agree with all the points you brought.

@Heather225

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

actually not in 7 cups but in real life! all I do in this case , is focusing on what the problem is actually and trying to stay calm , understanding the other side by asking them relatable questions.

2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

maybe getting more time to sleep on it and being thoughtful of what we say .

@Heather225

Question time!

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

- I've had experience with conflict resolution within friend groups more than professional settings. The most helpful techniques I used that were mentioned here are "show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation" and "find common ground".

2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

- I agree with all of the tips included and believe they're all efficient

@SirenOfSerenity

Great answer, amigo!

@Heather225

1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?

Ah, yes. It happened on 7 cups itself. We resolved it by talking it out and also, apologizing to each other sincerely. The key was to accept both our short-comings and become better buddies beyond it.

2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?

According to me, the best way to take a breather and then go again because during a heated conversation, the brain is on attack mode and is using anything and everything against the other person but if you take a breather, pause for a second, the brain suddenly hits a kind of zero and your ability to think rationally comes back to you and hence, you can think of the ways you were wrong and try to find a solution.