Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
More on a professional front, I had this issue and I did something , in-fact tried something that many would not dare to in an organization. I was a manager and so a mediator between employees and the employer. When I spoke to employees I make sure to let them know the things they haven't done right, though employers support them to do and , same way, I discussed with the employer telling them the good things the employees have done for the organisation and the changes we could bring for their betterment etc.
To my surprise this worked. So yes, it was risky try, but won at last.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Listen and communicate- two back bone in any relationships or organization issues. This really works. Calmly listen and then do the talking. While communication means 100% what u say should be conveyed the same 100% to the receptor.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
in 7 cups i don't think so, not yet anyways but obviously that does not mean it wont happen... and if i had to think of it being a situation, i would resolve it by taking the ness protocols on 7 cups, and the right forms to fill out if it wasn't handled. i would prob go to use my listener skills and be respectful and kind and more appropriately assertive and set boundaries.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
If i could think of one tip we can list to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution it would have to be not gossiping about the situation to another person, taking care of it with that specific person respectfully and kindly fashion
Avoiding triangulation, definitely <3
@Heather225
1) My job role in real life involves working with children with learning difficulties and disabilities so conflict resolution comes with the job role! It is very common in my work that the children have conflict. Therefore a lot of the time I have to be the person to step in and resolve the conflict. Usually, I resolve things like this by listening to both sides and making sure there is no favouritism shown. No matter who you agree with it is important to stay non-judgemental and make sure all people involved feel validated and listened to.
2) My tip is to pick your battles. When trying to resolve conflict it is common for other conflicts to arise and it is your role to decide whether this is worth exploring without bringing up more issues. However, it is still important to explore the other conflicts that arise but I think this should be done at a later date when everything is calmed and people are thinking with a clear head. My tip is also to make sure everyone waits their turn to start speaking as everyone talking other each other makes things worse. It is also important to ask questions so you can understand the full extent of the situation before moving forwards.
1. I don't have much experience but I have a conflict with my cyberbully. And I resolved it by leaving that person and ask a listener to help me because that person don't want to apologize at all.
2. I'm pretty sure admitting your mistakes and apologizing is really important
I'm sorry to hear that happened, it sounds like you handled it well <3 I agree, that's a good tip :)
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have recently involved in my family's mediation sessions. Our mediator noticed we all became very defensive. So we have stopped making flippant comments to each other, and agree to disagree. It doesn't make things perfect, but definitely lessens the intensity of the conflict.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
It's okay to agree to disagree!
Glad to hear you worked it out <3 And yes, okay to disagree!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? Yes, I have been on either side of a conflict resolution situation however I don't feel comfortable talking about it. How did you resolve it? It was complicated and maybe I will talk about it soon I don't know.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict resolution? Taking a step back and coming back to it at a different point and it's okay to agree to disagree.
Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I've experienced this a lot as a mod. Resolution usually involves empathizing with all involved, validating their feelings, and then trying to move on.
Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
If you can't make it work, icebreakers :p
@Heather225
1. Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? Yes, I have been on either side of a conflict resolution situation. It wasn't here on 7Cups but at work between my manager and my favorite co-worker. How did you resolve it? I just took a step back as they both wanted to justify their actions towards the other and I couldn't pick a side.
2. Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict resolution? Taking a step back and just watch it from the sideline (if possible). You can always try to help and resolve it.
@Heather225
Q: Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
A: yeah I have a few times actually, there was a fight between my friend and another person. I separated them and started to hug my friend so he would calm down, I started to talk to him and to also calm him down, after he was calmed down I asked if the other person was calm and if he was calm enough to talk. We talked about it and about what actually was the issue ,eventually it got solved.
Q:  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
A: My tip would be to listen to what the other person is saying and to hear their feedback or their sides, in this way both stories can be heard and then you can work to a solution and to prevent it in the future.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes I have. Being someone who communicates with a lot of people, misunderstandings are something that occurs here and there during it. By openly communicating with it, and through active listening, and open communication, I've found that many conflicts have been resolved
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Keeping healthy boundaries. During heated exchanges, its really easy to lose rationality and the main subject of the conflict, so keeping healthy strict boundaries is important as well