Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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@Heather225
1. Yes, I often found myself in such situations while I was studying in a boarding school. And I think trying to understand the other person's intentions and perspective can always help deescalate a situation.
2. Trying to find the point of the conflict could be of help because sometimes we tend to get into a dispute for things that don't matter. So, taking a step back and seeing if it is even worth it could be used as a tool
Thank you and looking forward to the next discussion! 😄
@Grace8402
I really like your tips, Grace! Thanks for sharing that! I wish you the best in your journey ahead!
@shiningSound31
Thank you so much!! I wish you the same! 😄
@Grace8402
@Grace8402
I agree that finding the root cause of the problem really helps in resolving the conflict! Great insights, Grace!
@Liru0417
Thank you so much, Liru! Have a great day! 😄
@Grace8402
Must have been difficult to stay in boarding school. I can imagine random conflicts occurring. And your approach of resolving it shows you're a calm and thoughtful person!
@peacefulWarrior10
Yepp! It was difficult initially but as kids, we didn't take ourselves too seriously and that's helped me a lot! Thank you for your reply!
@Grace8402
That honestly makes so much sense.
@MyNameIsNicole
Nicole!! 🥰
@Grace8402
brilliant job, I found this supper helpful
@Grace8402
@Grace8402 I loved the tip!
@Grace8402
It's awesome how organized you are! :)
@Grace8402
Thats a beautiful answer !
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes of course all through life and working in Health care and also On Mental Health sites as Mod . You listen to what happened and work with the ones involved and be equally open minded and work with them to resolve what happened and how to move on. I believe everything can be worked on and worked out if people are willing to take accountability .
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Allow each person to speak . Stay Nuetral, Do not take sides, Do not Validate inappropriate behavior or pacify either one but empathize and explain that you here as a mediator wanting to help work through what went on. Do not become a Enabler of continued behaviors when someone is not willing to work on their issue nor taking accountability.
Just my thought and what I have dealt with.. We need to be accountable for our actions and our words and we can all fall short and not always believe we did or said anything wrong.. we can hurt others untentionally or feel peer pressured .
@Tyedyedbutterfly65
I Totally agree with holding both parties accountable for their behaviors and not enabling them to continue those behaviors. One day, they will have to learn how to communicate effectively.
@Tyedyedbutterfly65
Accountability is important across both sides. I agree.
@Tyedyedbutterfly65
Very thoughtful answers. I really loved your tips. Your answers express the rich experience you have in these issues. I hope to learn from you. I wish you the best in your journey ahead, Tye!
@Tyedyedbutterfly65
Useful points from a mediator's perspective! Thanks!
@Tyedyedbutterfly65 This makes so much sense, I loved the tip on accountability too
@Readylistener
Thank you ! good luck , Tye
@Tyedyedbutterfly65
Well-explained and really insightful !
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
- I actually was the third person between my sister and our mom. They had a conflict with each other and I got them both together and opened the floor for discussion. I gave one the opportunity to express their concerns without the other one interrupting and then vice versa. They were able to resolve it and come up with future solutions.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
- Make sure each person is listening to understand whether than to respond. When listening to respond, the message the other person was trying to send will feel like it went in one ear and out the other and then another problem may arise.
@shiningDay80
Listening is very important! Thank you
@shiningDay80
You sound like a natural born mediator! Well done with your mom and sister and showing that listening is the first step to resolution :)
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes I have. I resolved it by finding common ground between the individual and I and we agreed to longer discuss the matter at hand.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
The use of active listening skills, having patience and always maintaining open communication
@CheeryMango
Nice one! It s a great answer.
Yes! Sometimes my mom and dad get into small arguments over something trivial and I'm always there trying to help them sort it out. Most of these arguments stem from misunderstanding and I try to sort this out by hearing both sides and making sure both of them understand the other's thought process. This brings me to my second point - always try to listen to the other person! It's hard, I know, but the argument might become something bigger and much more unwanted if you don't listen to the other person!
@softMusic9759
Amazing! They are lucky to have you.
@softMusic9759
I certainly agree with you and I think it's great that you can bring out the middle ground between your parents.
@Heather225
Hello! How are you doing?
I did! I applied the conflict resolution guides, and I eventually solved it.
Make a sincere compliment. This keeps calm and builds a more positive environment.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it? Not here but yes, I have been in a conflict with a co-worker. In this situation, it was a co-worker who refused to participate in a particular team event and the team believed she was unwilling to participate because she didn't wan to interact with us; that perhaps she disliked us and they were resentful of her absence in these team building social events. As the team leader, I approched the co-worker who did not participate in a respectful way. The explanation was this co-worker had several food allergies and didn't participate to avoid any type of reaction. She was glad someone asked what her reason was rather than assuming she was unsocial. The team was releived to hear she really did want to participate in team building. As a solution, we planned social events and team building that she could participate in fully. It was a great experience for the team.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution? Kindness, openmindedness, and being respectful are necessary to avoid conflict. Don't assume because assumptions are based on personal judgement and are bias in our favor.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?: I haven't been in any conflict resolution situation but if I was in one, I would resolve it by listening to others' points of view
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?: More listening, less talking
@azuladragon34
Those are great points. Could you maybe elaborate a little on both of them?
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
i resolved the conflict by stepping back, gaining a different perspective and finding a common ground
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Sometimes humor works too
@blissart
Love your suggestion about finding a common ground, that can be so powerful in resolving conflict :) Thank you for reminding us of that important point.
@blissart Humour is always a great tool :)
@blissart
Humor! What a lovely approach. One that I often use myself too.
@Heather225
1) At school, there are often cases of conflict which have typically occurred from miscommunication. I tend to be introduced as the third party but refuse to participate in the conflict. What I do, is encourage the two people to talk to one another, instead of me, calmly and figure out what happened and how it can be solved.
2) I think everything thats been mentioned here is pretty spot on. Like I said in my answer to question 1, simply calmly talking about it and listening to one another can really help with conflicts. When it doesnt, I agree with some of the other comments on here about finding a mutual target and working from there.
@bookworm274
It's great that you encouraged them to talk to each other instead of dragging you in the middle of it. It can get complicated when that happens. Good for you for holding your ground.
@bookworm274 That feels so true that sometimes there's just a misunderstanding and talking to the other person and realizing that certain assumptions about their thoughts/feelings/motivations weren't true can resolve hurt feelings.