Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I resolved it by doing basically what is outlined in this forum post.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
In addition, it's good to be empathetic and try to look at things from both points of view.
@freshMint9376
Good on you! Yes- there's always more than one side to a story. Perspective is so important- like the saying goes "Walk a mile in their shoes" to see what they see and understand why they say what they say.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have been on both sides plenty of times. How I resolve it is to, when both parties are calm and collected, listen to the other sides concerns and thoughts, then I state my thoughts and concerns. After we had stated our thoughts, the next step would be to find a compromise. Both sides would present their solution and then we would work on how to best fit the needs of both sides. Listening to the other sides concerns is the most important part of conflict resolution.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Coming up with a compromise or agreement is the only other tip I can think of. It is important that both side's demands are being met, as long as they are positive for both sides.
@CognitiveACE
Very thoughtful answers! I agree with you completely. I wish you the best in your journey ahead
!
@CognitiveACE
Yes! Listening to the other side of the argument is crucial in resolving the conflict
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of the conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, in my earlier job, I used to frequently find myself in work-related-conflicts with my colleagues. There used to be work-related issues where I used to have my own opinion and my colleague used to have opinions different from mine. The way I used to resolve those issues is by stating my opinion in a polite and professional manner, listening to the opinions of my colleague, then making amends in my opinion if I would feel my opinion needs correction or try to provide reasoning in a polite and professional manner if I would still stand by my opinion after listening to the other side. In this way, I and my colleague used to find a common ground. Very often, both need to make amends to their opinion and the final output used to be better than the one initially prescribed by either side.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Be open-minded; proactively listen to the other side; make amends to your opinion if you genuinely feel that your opinion needs correction; but if you still standby your opinion, then provide reasoning in a polite and professional manner to the other side for why you still standby your opinion. Being open-minded and listening to the other side is very important but it shouldn't mean that you agree to them even when you genuinely don't agree with them.
@shiningSound31
I love this so much. By the sounds of your post, there were two key components to conflict resolution in that scenario: respect and compromise. Respecting varying opinions, sharing your own respectfully. Then if need be, compromise and come to a middle agreement if necessary. I love the way you outlined everything for us, it shows you have a good understanding of this! :)
@rebecca947
Thank You, Rebecca 
You have beautifully summarised my answers. I really love your appreciation and kind words for me and my answers. Hugs
@shiningSound31
Being open minded is extremley important when it comes to conflict resolution! Awesome job!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Of course Ive been in conflict before, but Im usually really submissive and dont stand firm for anything. I tend to be the type that walks away from conflict because Im so used to not having my side heard. I think that my experience of not being heard has helped m to understand the importance of hearing another persons side of the story. Theres always at least two sides to every story, to every conflict and the more we know the more effectively we can deal with conflict.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I think one thing with facilitating conflict that wasnt mentioned that I have been worked on is assertive communication. Being assertive is important for being heard as well as for hearing the other persons side. If one person is too passive their side doesn't get heard, like in my situation, if you're too aggressive the conflict doesn't get resolved it can just result in one person resigning and fear.
@InvaderStitch
I can relate so much to what you said about being passive. For me, it's fear of conflict (loud yelling, angry faces) rather than fear of not being heard. But assertive communication and standing your ground enough to be heard can be so important. It's easily overlooked because conflict resolution for most of us assumes we have assertiveness as a trait already. Thank you for bringing it up!
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Ah yes I have, a few times at home between my parents and sibling as well as in school between friends. It's not easy to resolve conflict between people but the most important thing to do is listen to both sides carefully, be neutral - don't go into the conversation with pre-conceived notions or judgements about either of them and try to make both sides understand patiently so the conflict can be reduced.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Active listening, do not judge either person or attack them for their opinion. Be patient, kind and understanding while discouraging any negative behavior.
@BookChunky
Thank you for sharing :) I agree that sometimes it is not easy to resolve a conflict, and the most important thing is definitely to listen and consider both sides because it is really hard to resolve a conflict while not understanding where both sides stand. I really love how you mentioned to not go into the conflict with prejudices; that is really so important!! Patience and understanding as well as active listening are also awesome ways to resolve a conflict :)
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Being a volunteer in an organization really showed me how diverse and unique everyone is and though everyone is really kind and understanding, conflicts cannot be prevented. In the finalization of a project proposal, our head noticed that not everyone was giving out inputs and helping the group attain the goal of finishing the pp. Hence, he sent out a memo reminding everyone that we are all part of this and that we all should help one another. Some members of the team felt as if they were being called out in front of everyone which led them to retaliate in a hurtful way. I talked to the team lead and shared that what's best for this situation is to listen first, speak last. And it did work! I'm happy that both sides were able to realize the root of why the other reacted in in such a way. Ever since, it made the group closer and able to share ideas freely.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
The list really says it all but what stuck to me is that listening first to what the other has to say really goes a long way.
@Liru0417
That is so very true. We all as humans want to feel heard and understood. Once we feel that trust has happened, we will be more willing to cooperate and reciprocate. Thank you for sharing that story, and good on you for realising that ❤️
Yes I have any time.last ti me I need rotate self can breack before being able to talk to them.
2 self care before talking to them , being. Calm , finding commen Ground , be open and repect way other is coming from by seeing it from thier point of view.
@Goldenbutterflyofhope
Finding common ground to facilitate trust is such a good one.
@Heather225
1) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Definitely! Conflict is oftentimes inevitable, and I have been on both sides. If I am the one resolving the conflict, one of the easiest way I personally feel like is useful is to appeal to both sides by adding in statements that points out the commonality of their viewpoints and sometimes analyzing the conflicting points are a great way to resolve it! If I am the one part of the arising conflict, a great way I found useful was to put myself in their shoes, understand where they are coming from, include statements to show that I do agree with some of their points, and simply resolving it in a more calm manner.
2) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
When conflicts get really intense and hard to resolve, sometimes it is really easier to move on to another topic and divert the topic to something more common and not a trivial topic. After everything is more calm, it would be awesome to bring up the topic slowly, and since everyone is more calm and not super conflicted (perhaps now, we are thinking a bit more before we speak instead of trying to get our point across) before , a compromise could be easier reached. It would essentially be a break between the heated moment and not avoiding the issue :)
@DayDreamWithYou
I love what you pointed out. Finding common ground can be great to encourage others to see that they're not all that different from the other party. That'll hopefully subconsciously help them think "It's not me vs them, we're more similar than that". And I like the suggestion of breaking up the flow of the heated topic and coming back to it eventually. That sounds a lot more doable than the suggestion to leave and come back later. Both are great ideas, but it just depends on the situation.
@Heather225
Have you ever been on either side of the conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have been in conflict due to misinterpretation or misunderstanding of the information/situation before. We resolved it but stating clearly how we meant it and by expressing our feelings.
Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
We usually respond to conflicts based on our perceptions of the situation. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs. Therefore, it is important to acknowledge this in problem-solving and sometimes it is necessary to only agree on that we have different opinions on that topic and do not try to forcefully persuade the person that we are right. Sometimes both can be right, therefore we need to listen carefully to how the other person experienced the situation.
@MoonlightHelper1
Being clear on what we mean and understanding that we're all different, our life experience and hence perspective is different. That reminds me of a quote someone said "We don't see situations as they are, we see them as we are." It's a subjective view, not objective. So understanding that and agreeing to disagree is sometimes the best compromise indeed. You worded it so nicely ❤️
Yes, I have and the way I have approached it in the past is by trying my best to understand both sides to get an idea of what each side is thinking. It is best not to continue to argue and instead it is more beneficial if we sit together to recognize and combat the problem.
One tip would be to have an unbiased 3rd party member to act as a mediator and to gain understanding on the situation.
@lovelyNight9853
Yes, understanding all perspectives can be so useful. And a mediator would be great too if both parties agree to it!