Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
So far, I have been so fortunate to not be on either side of a conflict on 7cups and I wish it would remain that way. I am somebody who go to great lengths to avoid any kind of conflict. But yes in real life, I have been through few. I tend to be alert and think a lot before speaking during a conflict, also I try my best to not do or say anything that would provoke even more disturbing reactions from the opponent. I sometimes back off and try to talk to them when they are calmer and strive to find a common and fair ground where we can stand for everyone's good.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Recently I got into a conflict with mother and one thing my dad told me is to communicate more. Most often than not, we always have best intentions but everyone might not be so aware of what our intentions are. Thus we need to communicate whats on my mind, the more we communicate, the more they understand us.
Also giving them space to breath, think, and calm down and talk to them when they are ready to listen to your point of view
@positivePumpkin22 I love your answer especially this bit
I sometimes back off and try to talk to them when they are calmer and strive to find a common and fair ground where we can stand for
Listening - One Step At A Time!
@MistyMagic
thank you Misty. I'm so glad you loved my answer.
@positivePumpkin22 That makes a lot of sense that expressing your own feelings (once you feel comfortable that you can do it in a non-provocative way and that the other person is calm enough to receive feelings) might help them be able to see your side and relate to it.
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes! I work in customer service, so I have to resolve conflict quite often and help both the employees and the store improve on what we need to.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I don't think so!
@smolecho
I used to work in customer service as well! Would you like to tell me about an example in your customer service work where you had a Conflict resolution situation and how you resolved it?
@Aleks2
Well, as a manager I need to make sure all of the employees are polite. There have been times when my employees are doing perfect and are acting the way they should be, and customers still get mad about it. At that point, the best thing to do is allow the customer to vent it out and provide resources or alternative options for them to take
@smolecho nice statements!
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Unfortunately quite a few times, I was lucky to have a great support team that were there for me and backed me up so I felt able to carry on.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Empathy and putting yourself in the other person's shoes. One thing that happens at this time of the month is when those that have had their badges auto-removed message me. This happens quite a few times and the hurt of having a badge removed, even by a software program should not be under-estimated. I try my best to make the person feel better and when they understand what happened and the badges are replaced I hope that they put it down to experience. Maybe not a conflict but it definitely keeps my de-escalation skills warm.
Listening - One Step At A Time!
@Heather225
When dealing with conflict resolution, yes, I have been on either side. I often resolved scenarios with fresh multi-faceted insights from others and myself, alongside well-informed insights from evidence-based research. I think multi-culturalism is the key here, because dynamic perspectives put together a more well-rounded patches.
A tip I can think of is cultural humility. We often come across new people and assume we know more about them without recognizing our own cognitive fallacies, even amongst the best of us...so we can spend more time listening to others than we are trying to over-extend ourselves.
@SynSavory
Typo: *patch
@SynSavory
I agree with cultural humility. We can spend more time listening to others.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of the conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I have, usually trying to see the points of other parties have helped me, if I feel we are unable to sort it out on our own, taking help from 3rd person who is knowledgable about the situation and can help us reach a common understanding has been really helpful too.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I think in the context of 7cups, reminding the purpose of the site could be very helpful too.
@River
Taking help from a senior or someone with more experence did not come accross my mind. Thats a good idea.
They can give us their perspective and help us in the process to reslove the issues
1) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it? I de-escalated the situation as best as I possibly could, though unfortunately I was unable to resolve it. A peer of mine was able to, though 💙
2) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution? Hm, I don't think so! Sometimes, reiterating the rules and guidelines can help, as well as gently reminding those who are perhaps engaging in conflict of the rules 💙
Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have found myself in situations before, yes. Ultimately, it required patience and a lot of open and honest communication to move past our misunderstandings.
Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I think viewing the situation from the other party's perspective is very important. We get so caught up in our own world, where we believe that we alone are right, that we forget that others have feelings as well and valid reasons for acting or believing in the things they do.
@IvyL
Those are some great tips, understanding the other persons feeling and communication will definitely help in avoiding conflicts.
A lot of patience and honest communication is needed to clear our misunderstandings.
No other tip.
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have been in that situation at work. It is easy to take sides when things happen. But the key in resolving issues between two or more poeple is to not take sides even if you know one is right or other is wrong. Taking a neutral approch and trying to make people understand about things that happened and resloving the issues by finding a middle ground is something I often do.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Those are some great tips mentioned in the post. Something that comes to my mind is to encouge discussion of problems within the parties involved. Often talking about things gives more clarity about things. What one says and what other assumes is something that causes conflict. So working at the root cause would be a great way forward.
@Magicallykermit58 I really like what you've said of trying to find a neutral position where it's possible to relate to both sides. I know when I'm upset, I feel like it's easier for me to see the other person's side if someone's making an effort to hear what I'm saying and my perspective isn't being swept under the rug.
@Heather225
1) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
When I've experienced conflicts, both on this site and in real life, I usually try to process it on my own first by writing or journaling. If I'm upset about something, it helps take the edge off to have someone (me) listening to what I'm feeling. Sometimes after doing this, it's a little easier for me to see the other person's perspective, or my own perspective will change or feel less overwhelming and like I'm able to express it more clearly.
2) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I find it helpful if I'm able to see the situation as involving people who have feelings based on different perspectives and experiences. (Having this perspective naturally leads to "I" statements... I have one side of the story and the other person has their side.)
If the other person makes an effort to understand my side, be respectful, etc. then I try to acknowledge that and express gratitude, because it can be really hard to do.
@QuietMagic
Hey there, Magic!
I really like that you mention journaling, it is indeed very therapeutic to let it all out with that. I like that you take a step back and process things by yourself, that is something I like to do as well! I love your answer, and I agree with how healthily you manage the conflicts! It's good to know that the other person also has their own perspective on things. To show gratitude for them respecting your side is great, I do that too and I think it doesn't get mentioned enough. Thank you so much for sharing!
You can't give your life more time, so give the time you have, more life.
1.) Have you ever been on either side of the conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I have. I resolved it by finding common ground and agreeing that pulling the matter forward will do no good to either.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
One of the tips is to maintain your calm, avoid taking sides, and know that it's not about being right or wrong. It's never about that.