Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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1) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
-- Yes. I'm a HR manager. In my last company, the most beloved boss of the operations team had resigned from the company, leaving his team so devastated that they were not able to accept the new boss. And this included me too. I was fond of the ex leader, didn't like the new one, and was bitter with him for a month or two. Conflict was daily problem back then. I eventually stepped back to introspect and then attempted to bridge the gap between the new manager and the team (including myself) helping them see each others perspectives more liberally. I arranged various activities, sessions and communication channels at workplace to help either party be more kind and empathetic and understanding. Once the team became friendly with him and learnt about him personally, they understood more about where he's coming from. Agreeing is not the right approach, differing yet respecting each other's perspectives is the right approach! Conflict resolution needs customized approach. There's no one size fits all solution. This is what I feel personally.
2) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
-- Listening to the other person actively to understand what is actually bothering him or her.
Practice empathy to understand where the other person is coming from.
Giving time and space to the conflict to tame down and allow both sides to behave more rationally.
Choose one's battle.
@peacefulWarrior10
I really like how you solved that scenario!
@SophieWX
Thanks! I didn't have a choice I guess! It was only me who could do something to bring change. And change was mandatory. If it wasn't me, someone else would have had to intervene and do it for me. So why not me? 😄
@peacefulWarrior10
Really well done!!
@Ginevra962
Thank you so much! ❤
@peacefulWarrior10
I totally agree with this all, great point of view <3 Thanks for sharing!
Hi @peacefulWarrior10 lovely to meet you.
Brilliant answers!
"Conflict resolution needs customized approach. There's no one size fits all solution." <<< Couldn't agree more with that statement ♡
Cheers! ❤️
@peacefulWarrior10 great response!
1. Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have never actually been on any side of a conflict resolution situation, but I have been the mediator between my friends many times. As a person in the middle, I would try to listen to both of them, and try to get them to talk to each other directly! I found that direct communication makes dealing with conflict so much easier, rather than creating more complications.
2. Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
One tip I have is to listen to understand, rather than listening to respond. This can help you better understand the other person’s point of view, and it shows them that you actually care about what they have to say.
@NorahListens
Very well said!!
@NorahListens
When people go through conflict we forget that there's story on the other side. You bring up a good point about listening as well.
@Heather225
1) Yes. I was in one recently. I stepped back and let the person have the space to speak out.
2) I think reflection can work well in de-escalation (restating what a person said) and asking them why they feel that way.
@DonaldDraper
You make a good point about stepping back and letting the person feel heard.
@Heather225
1. Yes, I have. I resolved it by talking about it and discussing the reason of the conflict maturely.
2. Maybe let things cool off a bit before trying to fix the issue? That'll help by making us see things more clearly.
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
i think a discussion can even be good, you can learn from it. I think the conflict should be handled calmly and patiently, even if many times it is not so easy. I have to admit that in a conflict, I may not be right, so I always listen to the other’s opinion as well.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, in my job, as leader of an animal protection group and private life. Understanding where someone is coming from (thoughts) is crucial. What also helped apart from what was mentioned here, was to remind people we all have the same goal.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I believe reassuring someone in a conflict situation that they are appreciated is very helpful.
@Heather225
Yes, often, members ask for help in arguments and seeks affirmation in their opinion, and while I confirm their validity, I also avoid picking a side, and instead guide them through the logistics so that they can reach an informed conclusion by themselves.
It would be a good idea to remember that each half of the conflict are both seeking affirmation of their opinions, and to be careful in how to give or not give the confirmations.
No, I've been lucky enough to never find myself in such a situation
It would help to listen and let the other talk without trying to always be the one talking. Showing emphaty and being open to new points of view.
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, getting the facts helped. I have found sometimes too it's necessary to accept a less than satisfactory resolution, but at least the issue gets ressolved.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Set aside some time so the focus can be placed on the issue, instead of being distracted with other things.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it? Once at my work place, one of my colleagues got offended to one of my emails, thinking that I was blaming her and she replied in a harsh way. Then I realised she might have misunderstood it and quickly went on a call with her and explained my point of view. Things sorted out after that call.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution? This may not be applied to our platform, but this can be used in real life. If not on text, my suggestion would be to get on a call quickly before it gets any worse.
We can include the ratio of 2:1, god gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth, it means listen more than you talk.
@YoungMonastic007 This was a great quote. Listening indeed helps more that talking!
