Day's One Line A Day
Frustrated that I made mistakes on neuro hw. I still got an A on it though. It's ok to make mistakes. Always feel lonely and sad before I go to bed. I went to support group today but it's so hard to share things there sometimes. I try to tell myself I am doing my best to show up and share a little more each time.
I'm sorry, but I am just really upset right now, and I don't think I want to connect until my counselor is there with me. It is really painful for me to have to act like everything is fine and open presents while bottling my deep feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment and I am tired of just pleasing you when I am internally really unhappy being there.
We usually have appointments on Tuesday mornings at 10am. The week of the 15th is my spay surgery week, so it is not a good time to connect, but if you can meet on zoom on another Tuesday in January at 10, let me know and I will coordinate with her.
@Daydreamer47 I am sorry, but I am too upset right now and I don't want to connect until my counselor can be there and I can express how I feel openly. It is really painful and exhausting for me to act like everything is fine and open presents while being internally so deeply unhappy to be there. I am tired of bottling that I am really unhappy just to please you and keep up appearances. I just don't think I can do it anymore. I usually have counseling appointments on Tuesday mornings at 10am on zoom, so if there is a Tuesday in January you are free. The week of the 15th is unfortunately my spay week so it is not a good time but any other Tuesday in January you can come on the zoom and I will coordinate with her.
No, I don't think I want to connect again until my counselor can be there with me so I can express how I feel. I am having a really hard time right now and I need to celebrate the holiday in a way of my choosing with mg roomates and friends. It hurts me so much to have to keep up appearances opening presents like everything is fine when I feel deeply unhappy. I just have been hurt be you so deeply and for so long and I don't feel like you have really taken accountability
It's exhausting to keep up pretenses. I just can't do it anymore. I hope so part of you is empathetic enough to try to understand and not have a tantrum like you have in the past when I said no.
No, I don't want to connect on Christmas anymore. I don't want to connect again until my counselor is there in January on zoom so I can express my feelings. It has been so painful and exhausting to bottle my feelings to keep up pretenses to pleass you and I am having a hard time right now and I just can't do it anymore. I have been hurt by you so deeply and for so long and I am tired of pretending like everything is fine just to keep you from yelling at me. You can yell all you want but I need to be true to myself and I deserve to spend Christmas with people who haven't harmed me so much when I am already in so much pain about Archie. I just really deserve to heal and be happy right now even if NO is something hard for you to hear.
No, I don't want to Skype on Christmas anymore. I only want to connect again with my counselor on zoom in January so I can express myself openly. I am having a hard time right now and it's too painful to have to pretend like everything is fine on Christmas just to please you. I have been hurt by you so deeply for so long and right now I am also having a hard time because of Archie. I just need to spend the holiday in a way that feels healing to me. Please try to be understanding.
The holidays carry a lot of pressure to act like the family is perfect and that feels so painful for me because I feel deeply hurt angry and resentful still and I am also having a hard time with Archie. I know this will upset you but I need to do what is best for my mental health
Counseling with my mom was tough. She acted like a child and didn't take any accountability. She was super emotional and tried to guilt trip me, saying she's losing her daughter when I tried to explain I want boundaries because it has been unhealthy for me. I feel like I did the best I could and did say no about the white coat thing. I am grateful to my counselor for being there for me.
Date was confusing because he was really cute but a bit of a mess. I am concerned he doesn't have a lot of friends or things to do on his own. I would consider maybe still being friends but I don't know if a relationship is a good idea. I don't know if he can handle something casual with me.
I still miss B so much. My heart reaches out for him and it hurts. I did good with school today. I don't know if it is worth going in tomorrow, although I think I prefer going in. I will try again next week. Trying to get ahead on small animal and reviewing for spay.
Wish I heard back from people about mom on here. It was really hard to deal with. I think I need to tell guy no. It just doesn't seem like a good idea and feels like I would be taking the lead/overfunctioner role and I don't think that is a good idea. I feel scared to tell him no in case he is very upset or has low self esteem or something.
My kitty has passed. I miss him so much. My room and my life really feel like something is missing now. I was so used to him being around. I have so much cat stuff; it's going to take me some time to deal with it. I feel like I am forgetting something because I no longer have to feed him, wash his bowls, change the litter. It is a big change.
I miss my kitty so much. Feel so lonely without him. Should I foster a cat, maybe not rush into it? But also foster can be short term, so maybe could be ok to try. I felt annoyed at K being bossy at the clinic. I tried to express that I was just copying what I saw M do with the dog, but she didn't listen. It is ok to be annoyed at someone. She didn't have to be so bossy about it and could have been a bit nicer.
