Day's One Line A Day

Hi am doing okay. Started summer job. Very overwhelming with summer job, the timing of contacting volunteers before going out each day, like what if I go out by myself and miss something

So many different lakes and emails to keep track of. Need to remember to get newfound lake materials tomorrow. I like Emilie but haven't had a roommate in 10 yrs. Feel sensitive to the lack of privacy. Doing my best to be friendly. Wish I could go to support group, would need to drive somewhere and use my hot spot.

Wow haven't posted in a while I guess. Was lonely with lots of people gone this weekend. Doing my best. Miss him every day and can't stop thinking about him. Don't know how I will ever have feelings for someone else. Hope I can meet up with this girl and the new online friends. Should try to go to support group tomorrow. It is hard to make time for but it did help a lot. the loneliness and longing are so hard. wish I had a friend to talk to. Maybe one of these people online. Why do I dread my job so much. Afraid of making mistakes getting yelled at. I'm doing my best with a difficult and confusing job and that's all I can do.

Hello. Am doing ok. Support group is helping a lot. Worried about meeting with roommates. Took first step towards dealing with externships today. Feeling a lot of anxiety about that but proud I took first step. Next step is probably to make a list, maybe of three I want to apply to from match website or Nancy's list and make an excel spreadsheet. I feel frustrated with girl flaking on Sunday. Also not sure if I trust these people on the dating app or if I feel ready. Going to take one step at a time.

I think now my phone is not working from rainstorm today. :( That is very scary because I really depend on the maps. Need to try to get new one tomorrow. Feel stupid for not getting screen protector. Will definitely get one this time. I did the best I could with dealing with my phone and being outside a lot.

Felt lonely today a lot. Had dream about my ex and also about my brother. I miss them so much. I just feel such a sense of longing for him a lot of the time. I am running out of time to see someone here. Probably will start again in a few weeks in Boston. Maybe August 5th something. try to stay in the present moment and connect with friends and do fun things. Trying to be open to new people coming into my life.

Negative thoughts that are coming up: I will fail. I will do something to mess it up. I feel so scared. It's okay to make mistakes and all you can do is try your best and take it one step at a time. It feels scaring because it is important to me but it's not black and white. I have many opportunities and it will be ok. I just have to go one step at a time. I deserve kindness even if I am not perfect and my best is enough.

I am doing ok. Feel lonely on the weekends. no one around. hiking tomorrow. complicated plans with emily and sarah. Would it be weird for them both to be here at the same time? Seems complicated a lot. just mostly feel lonely a lot and bored a little.

Feeling like I have difficulty taking up space due to avoidance issues and I need to do some desensitization so I can still be present and not shrink when someone responds defensively or even yells. It was hard even to try to stand up to roommates to clean dishes or be quieter at certain hours, let alone standing up to offensive comments. I am eager to talk to my counselor about it but that will have to wait all the way until Tuesday now because she was sick this week.

Talked to the dance teacher today. I am proud of myself even for showing up and facing my avoidance around going there which was really hard in and of myself. I had a lot of trouble with feeling cold in the heavy A/C shop which made me struggle to be talkative cuz I was so focused on the pain of being cold. Would like to try to bring a warmer sweater to going out in the future. It was really hard but did my best to make a few points. She was resistant but seemed open to a small compromise of having casual dances sometimes where I could learn to dance lead.

I am frustrated with feeling very behind on small animal med. Trying to watch a little bit of lectures even 1 hr each day to try to keep up a little. I can only do my best.