Day's One Line A Day

Went to online support group which was one of my goals. Felt at first frustrated it was so big and didn't know how to share. They called on me and I was able to share and started crying. Felt super overwhelmed by that to show so much emotion in a big group. It made me feel super flooded and I had a hard time getting back to doing school work that I needed to work on after work. I think I should keep showing up and trying different groups but maybe a little at a time cuz it was a lot for me. Also a few people gave me their numbers which is really nice but I feel guilty because I don't know if I have the time to follow up and also am afraid of getting overwhelmed emotionally by their issues and struggles with boundaries which I have experienced in the past from mental health community friends.

Need to ask if I have gotten cat food delivered. Feel embarassed that there has been a pile of my ordrs there for a while. Embarrassed to admit I don't know where to pick it up when it seems like other people already know and i can't keep up with them. Positive thoughts: it's ok to not know something and to admit that. I am human and allowed to make mistakes. If I accept myself, I can try to not care about the judgment of others. Maybe they will be glad I finally picked it up. I am doing the best I can and have been overwhelmed so maybe they will understand I haven't picked it up.

I feel like I did well today. Still feel super lonely each day. At least I had the time with the support group. NAMI seems better in a lot of ways. I just wish I had friends to talk to. I feel like few people really know me and what's going on with me. But I am doing best I can each day. Confronted my fear of asking about cat food, which I guess now I am feeling embarassment and anticipating the person making fun of me or judging me. My counselor says, their reaction is about them. I am doing best I can and am just doing what I need to do to get food for my cat. I can do things at my own pace.

Got stressed today from seeing whole class outside and not knowing who to talk to and feeling like there were a lot of cliques. I didv have some good interactions with nicole jenny and danielle. trying to just keep chatting with some new people at school each day. it's ok I am not in every group or that others go out in groups that I'm not in. I can only do my best.

Today was ok. Frustrated that my friend's friend made a comment at dinner about not liking transgender people. I didn't know them well and didn't know how to respond. thought of clever things to say after of course. glad i got to spend time with my friend though and celebrate her to take my mind off it being mothers day. Sent a one line email and of course my mom acts like everything is fine and we have a great mother daughter relationship despite me telling her many times how much she has hurt me and I want her to take accountability and acknowledge where I am at and not ignore how I feel and the issues, but she does anyway.

Feeling okay today. Still lonely. Kind of got triggered by mom responding to my mother's day email. Enjoyed having gardening club and felt better with going to class. I felt it helped to be more on top of things. Miss my ex a lot still. Glad I got to do gardening and trying to do some naturey things. Had weird interaction with eating by myself at lunch which makes me super nervous. Did best I could today. My goal is to go to support group Wednesday night. Feel like I have so many more things to do before leaving for summer and wish I had more of a break.

Really tired, overworked from studying cardio final. frustrated I won't get much of break before starting summer job. now have to get up early friday to take cat to vet. really wish I could sleep in but I'm worried. Will get about week off but have to do a lot of movin.g will do my best to ask for lots of help as I can. It's okay to make mistakes and not get a perfect score. My best is good enough. It's ok if I get an average or low grade if I did my best. I worked hard and prepared the best I could. I most likely will do adequately and that's the best I can do. It's ok to make mistakes and my best is good enough. I deserve to rest too.

Anxious for gi final tomorrow. Feel like I ran out of time for so much information. I really didd my best though and that's all I can do.

Hard to see people posting today and saying they have a good support system.

If I'm honest, this year has been really hard, but I am glad to be half a doctor. I've been really struggling with my mental health because of dysfunctional family issues and the loss of a family member recently. So much of the time it is just me doing everything on my own. I worked so hard to change careers and go back to vet school in my 30s, which I'm still not sure if I should have done a different degree like a phD but I am at where I am at and have had amazing opportunities to work with wildlife species like I wanted since I was young. I am still shy and struggling with opening up but I am grateful for friends from vet school and elsewhere that have been there for me and of course my amazing kitty cat who is has been there for me since his day 1 gotcha day. I am glad to have some time to be outside and enjoy summer after finishing this big year.