Out of The Corner/In The World
Hi! Some of you might know of my other space here, In the corner. Or just, "the corner" in my head. This is the world! I.e this is me learning to "adult" (what?), get out of my comfort zone, accept my flaws, seek the positives in life, etc etc! My journey out of the comfort zone, basically. And it's going to be rocky, it's going to be real hard, and I'm going to end up in the corner venting about something more times than not, probably, but it's a step, I think.
Let's get out of the corner! (That was kinda cheesy!)
Okay worse healthwise but still just flu its finee
Minus the part where i have exams and cant afford to be sick but its finee
Mom hinted (very strongly actually-) a few days ago that she wished she had a third child who'd be smarter than me. That struck a nerve but somehow i didnt lash out this time. Just turned away. She didnt say it rudely or angrily, but what the *** does that change anyways?
Third child. Thank god she didnt. What if the third child hadnt been smarter than me? Being average is such a crime in this house, honestly.
@unassumingEyes *smh* Your mother...akkhh. She's terrible... God. I'm trying to be objective here--after all, the only viewpoint I'm getting info from is yours--but still. From what I've read so far, she sucks at parenting. She might suck at humaning, too.
While you didn't say anything about the situation here, I'm just gonna add that I largely agree with Mr. Khan. The task of a military is to protect the country it serves &, in a general sense, to act in the interests of its country. That's it. The military is not supposed to lead the country. Central command governance works in an army/navy/air force/etc., but it's lousy for running a modern nation.
@slowdecline48 she is good at humaning, i think. Not parenting-
Majority of the country agrees with Imran Khan. Mate, majority of the country voted for Imran Khan. He aint the best, i know, but atleast he's sane 😀😀
Funny thing, back in 6th grade most of my class wanted to join the military, one way or another. In 10th grade, much, much the opposite. Even the kids are sick of the military atp
Somebody. Genuinely. Tell me to study.
The annoying thing is i have been. Since 12. Its 2.42. I have only done 12 pages. Despite no proper breaks in between. I didnt even pick up the phone in between. Or zone out all that much. I genuinely am being slow today, and its probably the flu but that doesnt change anything
When am i going to do extra urdu? Its a must, or else i will fail. And failing these exams doesnt actually matter minus one word: mom
Brb while i count how many pages are left
41 pages not including diagrams (i actually never prepare the diagrams xD) And 12 pages took 3 hours. Whats 41 divided by 12...3.4
At the rate im going thisll take 9more hours 😶
Islam says no music because music distracts you from good deads but also music has often distracted me from bad deeds so isnt that...um...? 🤷♀️
I've heard of that rule before...thought it was a Salafi/Wahhabi thing. Does mainstream Islam really prohibit music? Because if it does, then, clearly...I would never make a good Muslim. I wouldn't even make a passable one.
(The above is the most polite response I can give)
@slowdecline48 if you believe as a muslim- really, truly believe in God and His mercy and love, music must feel like such a simple thing to give up, no? I think it would, even though i dont have that belief. We do lots of things for love
On the other hand, i extracted a few hadeeth (sayings of the Prophet) unfortunately, i could not find the hadeeth number for most, but as they do not contradict what I have learnt and are mentioned in many islamic sites i think they are authentic. The rest you can judge for yourself
In a lengthy Hadith narrated by Hadhrat Abu Umaamah (radhiyallahu anhu), it is mentioned that on the occasion of the expulsion of shaitaan from the heaven and his exile to earth, he (Iblees) supplicated to Allah Ta'ala: "O my Rabb! You have exiled me to earth and you have made me accursedNow, therefore bestow to me a caller (who can call to my path).' Allah Ta'ala said: "(Your caller) is musical instruments.." (Tibraani)
"Love for singing germinates hypocrisy in the heart just as water causes plants to grow."
Narrated Aisha: Abu Bakr came to my house while two small Ansari girls were singing beside me the stories of the Ansar concerning the Day of Buath. And they were not singers. Abu Bakr said protestingly, Musical instruments of Satan in the house of Allah's Apostle ! It happened on the `Id day and Allah's Apostle said, O Abu Bakr! There is an `Id for every nation and this is our `Id.
('Id is Eid, the holidays of Islam.this hadeeth is contested as to whether its accurate or not)
Hadhrat Ibn Abbaas (radhiyallahu anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: "Verily, Allah has made haraam liquor, gambling, the musical drum, and every intoxicant is haraam."
"When my Ummah indulges in fifteen misdeeds, calamities will settle on them. Among these are singing girls and musical instruments."
According to some interpreters, the musical instrument duff can be allowed on 'Id as well. This is also controversial
😕
Well...so much for an all-Muslim rock band....
No one cares but i sped up a lil bit and have... hold on.. 27 pages left....yay
Half an hour will go by in dinner...im not worried about tomorrows exam...im worried i wont have time to do urdu...and i really need to do some extra urdu, for gods sake, if i actually fail an urdu exam, not only will mom have it out for me, dad will get concerned, and thats the last thing i need
21 pages...you might think eyes! Hurry up!
Eyes is trying 😭
We had dinner, and then i procrastinated my studies by helping sis with her studies, and then i did 5 pages and gave up and now im on cups
😶😶
My bed is a mess and it describes my life very well rn. Maybe i should clean my bed. Make me feel like more in control of my life. After bio. 21 pages first. And then. Diagrams (look at them once-) and then. Sleep if its late and do urdu if its not late. See? Perfectly fine, controlled, schedulled life. I should a lil something nice tho. I already had a snack earlier but maybe theres something else.
@unassumingEyes If it was okay with you, I'd gently massage your shoulders & tell you that once you've taken the exam, whatever mark you get on it ultimately won't mean anything in a year from now...
@slowdecline48 these arent even finals. You know just forget comforting me and convince my mom instead 😮💨 im
@unassumingEyes (just updating lol) im done now (but not confident-) and i skipped the snack because mom is annoyed and upset at me for taking so long. Somehow i cant bring myself to care. How very not surprising
@unassumingEyes Why should you care? You're not responsible for your mother's feelings. She is. If she's upset because you didn't come to the table due to mental fatigue, then all I have to say to her is "tough s**t, lady"... You're too busy studying to attend to mom's every whim.
@slowdecline48 you see the issue is that sis would care, and go about apologizing, and then it makes you wonder whats right and whats not
But dont bother with it 🤷♀️
Back from exam. Nausea, still. Mom says having breakfast will help. As it is, she is staying in bed and not making breakfast, and i couldnt cook to save my life, so. Okay?
She has a headache, i think she took meds. It makes me sorry for sis actually, because when mom has a headache we're supposed to do everything minus breakfast and dinner, and with me being down and not able to contribute the little i do otherwise (dishes, washing clothes, emptying the trash, dusting, cleaning the kitchen)...that leaves it all to sis. Which. Yikes. Mom tries sometimes when she has headaches to do her work but then sis gets all guilty and makes mom sit down and then just does everything and then i get guilty that i cant help (when im sick)
Still, if moms headache doesnt get better, i guess i could power through washing some dishes? One must try. Kudos to sis for being the only healthy one around here. Must be exhausting
Moms headache is better. Ill take it. Shes in an okay mood. Sis is in a bad mood. She has an exam on saturday. Its hard. Shes nervous but when she says shes nervous mom says something like well maybe you should study more instead of wasting time and that doesnt really help, so
In a rare role reversal, mom and sis almost fought, and i was on the side trynna play mediator. I get a messed up kinda thrill when someone stands up to mom, but believe it or not, i do try to keep the peace. A little bit. So if theres a situation where for example no ones wrong and no ones right, i try to be peace-maker. But if moms wrong- sorry mate. I aint holding anyone back xd
Two things
1. Altho i did mention the burden sis has being the eldest, i think ive also mentioned that she has a whole lot more free time than i do. And hey, im not proud of it, but i think its- human, albeit wrong, that after weeks and often months of studying with little to no breaks, I get bitter- jealous, when i see her relaxing. Having...hobbies. that i dont have time for. But ive always denied it, altho i suppose its obvious? Yesterday i came out with it- unplanned, we were just talking and she was complaining about her studies and i said that I want to comfort her, I do, but when i think too hard about it i get....jealous. and she smiled and i said its stupid because i know her lifes not stressless either and she said that she doesnt think its about stress
It is hard, to not compare when that is all everyone i know does. When you grow up consistently compared to someone in everything...you start doing it yourself, i guess
But i think- i hope- it made her feel more at ease, my admitting my fault. And i hope that i can control it, atleast
The second thing is that I was wondering today what my late maths sir would tell me, if he could. And anything i could think of...i realized that he was the only person i know who looked so strictly ahead. He would be blunt, in that not unkind way, and tell me to just get on with my life. I think i could tell him of anything, everything, and he would only ask, "So what are you going to do now?"
Sometimes I wish I could thank him, but its too late for that now
Random question for anyone reading, if you had a gut feeling that something was off about someone, would you told someone else at the risk of ruining their reputation? I mean. Over a gut feeling? Because i didnt ruin anyones reputation- but i risked it, and i feel like im just now realizing that
@unassumingEyes *tell
My own mistake made me cringe so hard
@unassumingEyes Telling someone would maybe depend on who there was to tell and if I thought they absolutely needed to know.
I agree with @slowdecline48. I would keep my distance from someone if my instincts tell me there's something off about them
@mytwistedsoul @slowdeclinw thanks for the input
To sum it up, my male teacher back in grade 9 gave me...wrong vibes, especially with how he interacted with my friend. sometimes there kind of was weird behavior. Weird jokes, sudden movements to scare you, staring at my friend when asking her any question. Just weird. and alarm bells in my head, too often. When a teacher came to ask our class if we had any complaints regarding any teacher, i told her the above. She asked the class (to my dismay! I'd been discrete- my friend hadnt noticed, id prefered she didnt!) If they noticed and they said no. She gave me that yeah right whatever smile and said something like im glad you told me. Did nothing, obviously. But i only just realized, perhaps i should have thought that through either way
@unassumingEyes @slowdecline i always typo this. Man. Hope i didnt tage anyone actually named slowdeclinw
@unassumingEyes You tagged my other personality, who will show up any minute now... 🤪
But seriously, even though it's a sad (& disturbing) story, you still did what you could to alert a responsible adult about that probably-pedo teacher. Unfortunately, sometimes the only adult we can reach either is not responsible at all...or isn't responsible enough. The latter was clearly the case. Once you've done your best, it's out of your hands.
@unassumingEyes The teacher that asked if anyone noticed anything might done better to tell everyone that they could talk to her privately afterwards. The way she did it with the whole class sort of put the spotlight on whoever (you) spoke up. Even though everyone else said they didn't notice anything, that doesn't mean that your instincts were wrong. Some people are more observant than others. I'm guessing that his behavior didn't change any. I had hoped maybe she at least talked to this teacher and he toned it down
I used moms hair conditioner in the bath today because it smells like custard (one of my favourite desserts and smells) and after 5 mins next to me after my bath mom said "lets make custard today"
And then we had custard
And i would bath everyday if i got custard 😂😭
@unassumingEyes Have you ever thought about going into advertising or marketing, when you grow up?... 😃
@slowdecline48 😂😅 no, actually
