Eva’s Crazy Mind

anyways back to pinterest posts.  

*a quick non-depressing relatable one* 

oh god. i opened the letter we had to do to our future selves at the end of 6th grade. uuhhh… so.. sorry to disappoint you, eva from 6th grade…….

“hello, eva! 

it’s me, eva from 6th grade. summer break is starting soon. i’m going to spain in less than a week. it’s going to be so cool. 

you must be in 7th grade now.” (we opened them later, obviously, at the end of 8th.) “to be honest, i’m a little nervous. the topics are getting harder, more new people are going to join our class, teachers are being replaced… changes. a lot of changes. 

you have been doing very well so far. keep it up! 

i hope you got a lot of rest during the summer break.

my recommendations are, to never give up, be who you are and keep who/what are important to you. 

your eva”

*a wonky heart made of tiny hearts for decoration*

*awkward inhale through teeth* 

….

so…. 

the change is noticeable- ..

:’)

little did that eva know, everything would start going downhill once she stepped foot in 7th. 

i mean, it was heaven at first, the happiest we had ever been before, but that lead to.. where we are now. guess every heaven leads to *** in the end. can’t have one without the other.

1 year of the happiest we had ever felt, and with the end of 7th grade, start of summer break, everything changed. so many tears. eventually, depression. getting worse and worse. and now look at us. 

waiting for death. 

that- so did not help. anything.

now i have to start with the whole distracting ***. it’s exhausting, honestly. 

save me now, music 

save me from myself. 

that.. dream.. was more of a nightmare. ………………

just- 

……..

why is it just now, that people start ‘complimenting’ me? saying they’re proud of me. saying they love me. saying all kinds of things about my future, how i’m going to do so well. siblings. relatives. teachers. why now? why now that i’m counting down days until i leave?

so she’s gonna book an appointment to someone for me. isn’t that just *** great?

i am so. ***. done. 

@iloveyouxx

i might share that spotify playlist to you soon. i know it’s been a loooong time since i promised to, idek if you still want it, but i made a new one because the previous one felt too messy and i just idk i overthought too much so now i have a new, more ~“organised”~ one. and yes i am indeed still overthinking about that too, thinking what you’d think about the playlist and each song individually (✨the wonders of being me✨ ._.) but i guess i’ll explore some more songs until it fills my nonexistent standards and then.. yeah if you want it i’ll share it. and if you don’t then i’ll share anyway and it can just sit there. i wouldn’t know. /lh <3 i won’t give you a specific date or anything lol because- i suck at those. just…… somewhere in the near future. hopefully. 

oke love you <33 /gen

(and you don’t have to reply anything, you can upvote so i know you saw it and if your brainie says you have to reply say something like “alright eva thank you i’ll wait” or mumble some nonsense and i’ll be like “😊🫶” (and if any of this <- sounded rude or anything it’s not meant to i’m just a little insane i swear everything’s lighthearted))

<3 <3 <3

@justmeeva

_{alright eva thankyou I’ll wait /j/j/j}

_{I got so excited seeing this🩷before reading it. I missed you so much🩷if you give it enough time my brain could literally start doing wild things. I’m not even joking today I remembered about that playlist and I’m like 💭100+ eva music taste songs that would’ve been so good💭 and then I started walking around this one table behind this couch in the living room and created scenarios in my head with you in them.☠️}

_{awwe. eva smh. /lh stop that D:< /lh don’t overthink it sm🩷I like all songs nd music. and your taste is just🤌✨🩷I probably just don’t like country songs that much. they hurt my brain for some reason. when I think of country songs I think of the song "old town road"☠️apparently it’s not actually about a horse btw don’t look it up ;-; I only ever knew the first 4 lines so :’) somewhere in the future sounds good to me🩷🩷🩷}

_{love you more <333 /extra✨gen/lh}

_{( xD it’s okay I’m insane too :DD!!/lh and it’s okie dw I know🩷)}

_{<3 <3 <3 <3 <333}

@iloveyouxx

_{( I tried posting in my space and tagging you but I also started overthinking ._. and deleted the whole thing but basically :0 I might post that video somewhere in the future too now🩷)}

@iloveyouxx

why is this so you 😭 /lh /lh

i have very mixed emotions about everything right now and they change at the speed of light but this made me smile <3 you made me smile <3 

i should probably ''WaRn'' you that it's kinda pretty depressing, the playlist, so i can assure you, country songs will not be a part of it. xD 

thank you for being so patient and kind and nadia-ful <33 *sends love in the shapes of hearts* 💗💕💗

@justmeeva

_{😭i swear i was genuinely trying not to use too many emojis because the white text makes them pop out TvT🩷your phone type thing is so cute omg :0 it’s so different to mine but it looks so adorable- I wanna eat it it’s so cute-}

_{awwwwe🩷🩷i was just about to say I don’t know if I can smile right now and realized I kinda already was ;-;💜making you smile feels so rewarding🩷and being your friend makes me feel so gifted <3}

_{oh no I love depressing. really tho ;-; it wont be a problem xD💖that’s reassuring xD thankyou xD💜}

_{noo the last one isn’t good :’) thank*you* tho :P xD for being so kind and sweet and patient and loving and caring and understand and eva🩷i love eva💗*sends love back* <33🩷💖💕💞💓💗🩷💓💞💕🩷💖}

oop those thoughts are not good :’D ._.

@justmeeva

_{please be safe lovely🩷/gen whatever they were I disagree/lh also I might not be able to reply if you come back sooner but I will tomorrow or whenever you can reply tyt🩷🩷}

bbl when everyone else is asleep and i’m alone in bed in darkness with my thoughts. maybe. 

i don't know how much more i can take. 

“not found”.

*** “not found”

i want to throw my heart away why do i have to care so *** much

you know what’s the only thing that caring brings? 

pain. 

so much *** pain. 

i don’t want to care. it’s not that i regret giving care to people i just hate the *** pain it brings

is it even worth it in the end?

*** you life *** you

i saw her in my dream again. 

*sigh*

thanks for reminding me. thanks a lot. 

my birthday is in 2 weeks. 

before, after, or on my birthday?

was that a good idea? i don’t know. hopefully? hopefully. 

i’ve tried at least 10 times now. it won’t post. i need it to post. i want to help. i have the perfect chance and it just won’t post. i’ve tried for like 5 hours, waiting and trying again and waiting and repeat. it just disappears every time. why won’t it post-? (not cups)

literally wtf life? now you won’t even let me help people? i swear i would give up rn but i’m too determined so i can’t

why won’t it *** go through

@justmeeva

is it like a social media site or something friend? or like a forum? is there any mod or admin you can contact/ask? :c about why it won’t post 🩷