Eva’s Crazy Mind

tw

he had an abusive dad.

i met him. 

the foreign 21yo boy my mom wanted me to meet. he was nice, like my mom said. i was- me. too quiet probably. it was like a 2 minute interaction. my mom took his number so they could “arrange something cool”. uh, *** :D

@justmeeva Hey that's great! I'm glad he was nice 😊 Tbh I see nothing wrong with being quiet the first time you meet someone 💙

@mytwistedsoul 

since you seem to be the only one online right now hehe, kind of random, do you know anyone i could pm who can change/delete forum posts?

@justmeeva You can always flag your post and pick "other" and explain a little why you want it deleted 😊

@mytwistedsoul 

oh right, that’s also an option. thank you <3

@justmeeva You're welcome! You can always tag the leader in the community the post is in too

@justmeeva Hey sorry I guess I wanted to ask if the post you're talking about is the same post I had  flagged too? I did as soon as I saw it because I knew it wouldn't go well. I mean it was obvious and no one took it down because well - I'm sure you can imagine. Sorry I should have tracked someone down 

@mytwistedsoul 

the two (i think?) posts under a vent post have been deleted by now. you wrote to the original poster too. i’m not sure if i should flag the whole conversation or not tbh :’) 

@justmeeva (smh) I guess they don't read through anymore 😞 I thought I had yesterday but then I guess with the other replies? Maybe if we both flag? 

They deleted the whole thread now 😕 I really don't understand some of the things they do here 

@mytwistedsoul 

the whole thing? that’s- kinda unnecessary- i saw nothing wrong with the original post, just that one conversation 

i hope it won’t become a big deal :/

@justmeeva That's what I thought too. It was ok until the other conversation happened. The original post took a lot of courage to write too 😞

@mytwistedsoul 

exactly. in my opinion, they should at least give a warning or something before deleting it all. i really don’t understand some things. 

@justmeeva They should at least explain why they did it. He had things censored already and there wasn't any graphic details. It's one of the things that always bothered me the most here - they tell you it's a safe space to talk but then they decide what you can and can't say 

@mytwistedsoul 

yeah. any sign that they’re gonna delete it, and why. how are the people supposed to know what they did wrong if they’re told nothing? in worse cases the posters will stop posting and venting. that’s pretty much against the meaning of cups - not being able to speak (write) freely. the system definitely needs some fixing 

@justmeeva Exactly a lot of people end up leaving because they feel unheard :/ The system definitely needs to be fixed thats for sure. I guess - now that I think about it - I think I might know why that post was deleted. Which is a lousy reason in it's self. You can't say anything bad about (gestures vaguely). Have you noticed? And if I remember right - there was reference made when he talked about where he went for three weeks :/

“are you sure you don’t wanna text him? ask him how he likes the country etc?”

i would want to. i really would. problem is, i’m me. as simple and as complicated as that. 

***. we went to drop off something at a “friend”’s (girl, i might’ve mentioned her like once lol, not gonna explain the friendship situation rn.) house and my mom went straight to her to tell her about that guy and how it would be fun for her to hang out with him and me and my mom too. she- first of all it’s not happening- . yeah idk. 

i just received a book named “stay alive” :’) 

imagine that’s the last book i read. 

@justmeeva i just made a pathetic sound at reading that 👍🏻

and now she told the twins. *sigh*. 

i’m too tired to try. 

they made me laugh today. they made me smile. they were fun and wholesome. and even though sometimes i absolutely hate them for what they do, at the end of the day, they’re still my classmates. and it hurts. 

so quiet. 

tw.

remembering the times when i used to watch those vent videos, and anytime a sh or su****e topic came up i’d skip it saying “i’d never want to harm or k*ll myself”.

and look at me now. 

“maybe we should just try 

to tell ourselves a good lie.”

they made the teacher cry. 

they wrote *** on the board about a classmate, they meant it as a joke, the person didn’t get offended (they’re friends), but the teacher cares and obv doesn’t like seeing her student write some pretty bad words about their classmates. and they didn’t even realise they made her cry because she left the classroom. they even laughed. *sigh*.

..what about me..?

i thought i was one of those people too..

am i not..?

i have two realities but one of them is not real. 

so quiet..

she *** talked about my arms again. can’t you just let me be?

fun thing is that i was having an okay day. sure, it was because i was distracted, but okay nonetheless. and now she ruined it. 

where’d everyone go..?

the moon’s shining. not just a silver circle in the sky, it’s actually shining. woah..

(not mine.)