Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
i exist but at the same time i don’t.
@justmeeva
:') existing is exhausting. 💜 I’m proud of you friend. me knows oftentimes it doesn’t feel like we are alive/living, me thinks me does understand this feeling :( tbh i’m not even completely sure what “being alive” means/ is supposed to look like <3 but i know a lot of the time, we don’t feel like we are alive. it feels like we are just waking up (our brains seem to convince us that we wake up for no reason… *smh brainie*) and we are just …existing. :') and existing is hard, and it’s exhausting 💜 because even when we aren’t truly living, even when we aren’t truly *alive* - life throws *** at us doesn’t it… :/ life is hard. existing is hard. 💜
*hugs eva friend if okay* …but… i’m proud of you. you are here. you exist. and i know right now it feels like it’s just… existing. and i know that isn’t very… mmm. :') i know oftentimes it ain’t fun, it’s super exhausting 💜 but your here and i hope you know im proud of you friend.
friend i know i been away for a while too :') and i’m not even sure why. i just felt like leaving, and i’m here, because i just felt like coming back… which is pretty dumb of me i think. :’) …but yeah. i know i been away 💜 …im sorry. *more hugs if okay*
i did miss you lots friend. i did.
so much… 💜
im sorry.
also to the people i haven’t responded to yet, i can’t do that right now. long texts. words. lighthearted stuff. i’ll likely only stay here. i’m sorry
there’s no point in talking to my mom. she never listens. and in both ways. yk how one kind of listening is the physical hearing listening and the other is like she doesn’t care what you have to say? she does both. she absolutely ignores us so we have to repeat a word or sentence or “mom” like 3 times although atp i just give up after the first try lol. and no, her hearing is perfectly fine. she just pays 0 attention. and sometimes if we say “mom” like 4 times she starts paying attention and goes “speak already i’m listening!” like yeah sure. guilt tripping. and that every day. and not even just with us or at home, she sometimes does this to other people too. less, but still. and well, talking to her, as in problems and stuff, that i don’t do anymore. just.. stopped at some point. not sure when.
tw just in case.
and her voice has become triggering. or, i’m not sure if “triggering” is the right word for it, but it’s definitely way more than just annoying. her voice when it’s loud. especially when she shouts. no matter if it’s about me or my siblings. unless she sees me, i always cover my ears or turn the music up to cancel out her voice when i can.
@justmeeva sometimes the similarities between us two are astounding- i almost wonder if you’re a nicer, slightly younger version of me xD but with more siblings-
obv not ur a v different and v amazing person 💕💕 but ur thoughts/experiences are sometimes super similar to my thoughts/experiences.
Kinda a bummer i dont have the faintest notion how to help tho :/ i wish ur mom would be more gentle 🩷 it could make a huge difference i think :/ love u frnd 🩷