Eva’s Crazy Mind

@LoveMyMoonflowers

eva friend appreciate you ni 🩷 vvv much and more 

@justmeeva

💙

@LoveMyMoonflowers

🩷

turns out i can’t ignore my mind for long. it’s taking over. the voices are getting louder again. telling me all sorts of *** i don’t want to believe. *sigh*. here we go again. 

oh wait, i might have a solution, how bout sleep? it is 4am anyway… lol. i don’t wanna go to sleep tho. i don’t want to stop listening to music. but… i’m afraid i have to eventually. eugh why am i so complicated? sleep’s an escape, why am i not using it? ykw, i can try. goodnight and good luck… me. 

not looking forward to waking up again tomorrow tho. but what other choice do i have. 

Are you borderline? Sounds like it

@Themaninblackxxx

i’m not diagnosed with anything because i’ve never been to anyone who could diagnose me in the first place lol. i looked it up and gotta admit that many traits or “symptoms” sure are familiar. i’ve never even thought i could have anything that can be diagnosed, i always thought it’s just life lol- well that’s interesting to discover. 

@justmeeva

Yes I had/have it so thats why I said so because your posts sound familiar to me like thats how I think

@Themaninblackxxx

okay, well thank you for letting me know that there’s a chance i’m not just losing my mind/it’s explained losingmymindness :D

@justmeeva

Ha yeh you have an excuse now :p

haven’t even started and already overwhelmed by the amount of schoolwork i need to get done today lol. 

why.   can’t.   i.   focus. 

oml eva you know what you have to do just start it already

it shouldn’t be so hard. 

i’m probably crazy. 

here we go again. my mind’s been set loose. oh boy. *sigh*

what’s wrong with me. 

i can’t do this i can’t i can’t i can’t 

but i can’t not do this either aghh

stupid stupid stupid. 

no no no i can’t start crying over this.. it’s literally nothing complicated why is it overwhelming.. *** *** ***

i’m just watching time pass lol. 

so it has been about an hour of trying to convince myself to do at least  s o m e t h i n g… didn’t work out. 👍

why am i like this todayy i can’t leave them for later bc it won’t be easier then aghh

useless stupid disappointment eva. 

there’s always a problem with me, i’m always either too restless or too tired, too emotional or too numb, too talkative or too quiet, too much or too little. never doing the right thing. ever. 

the craziness and everything-seems-half-funny part is starting to go away. the deep dark thoughts are taking over. that’s not good. ***. 

i’m kinda done with my stupid self tbh. 

and to think i planned to be all productive and everything today. lmao what a joke. 

the dots are connecting a little too well tonight..

yeah no i’m gonna try to sleep and hope that tomorrow’s better because that’s all i can do. 

my mind’s empty but i have a million thoughts running through my head at the same time. i feel nothing and everything at the same time. i’m okay and horrible at the same time. it’s strange. it’s blurry. it’s confusing. i have to put so much effort and energy into just trying to figure out this mess. i don’t like it. 

my whole life i’ve wanted to be someone else. 

flashbacks. some good, some bad, all a torture. 

nope i am so *** done with my sister. 

@justmeeva

*sits with eva buddy* did something happen, lovely? 🥺

@LoveMyMoonflowers

hi ni… she’s just ruining my life and making it a little worse constantly and she’s damn good at it. i actually can’t wait to move out and get as far from her as possible. 

@justmeeva

oof. i understand ): what’s she doing to bother you? 😞 if comfy sharing. 💙

@LoveMyMoonflowers

i don’t wanna take it out on you.. i’m kinda mad and tired of her and it’s prolly gonna reflect on my messages then and i don’t wanna seem like a bad person… maybe i should just get off cups anyway and deal with it myself.