Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
i wonder what would happen if i just disappeared for some time. the voices in my head are telling me that nobody will notice and they’ll just find another. i kind of agree. but wait, can’t do that! it would be “attention seeking” wouldn’t it :D. guess we’ll never know.
i don’t like this kind of me.
i *** hate it when things don’t hit the same after some time anymore. songs, videos, messages, whatever. why does life keep finding *** to take from me? why does life not want me to be happy? am i really that unworthy?
missing someone sucks really damn much, especially if you don’t know anything: why they left, how they’re doing rn, if it’s your fault, what you should do now, if you’ll ever see them again.
all i want right now is to have someone always there for me. i want to be someone’s only favourite person. i want to be someone’s only best friend. i want to be someone’s only one-of-a-kind. i want someone who would double check on me every time we communicate. i want someone who would be able to convince me that the voices in my head are wrong. i want someone to hug. i want someone who would completely accept me. i want someone who would just listen to me. i want someone who would make plans with me. i want someone around who i’d be comfortable being myself. i want someone who wouldn’t make me doubt their love for me. i want someone who would never make me blame myself. i want someone to understand me. i want someone who would truly mean everything they say. i want someone who could know how to deal with me. i want someone who would know me. i want someone that lets me know they’d never leave and actually not leave. i want someone who would tell me that we can do this together. i want someone that would cause me happiness, only happiness without all the *** side effects. i want someone who would trust me. i want someone who would share everything with me. i want someone who would make me feel important. i want someone who would make me feel special.
but, as i’ve clearly understood, it is wayyy too much to ask for. it’s not gonna happen. not to me. i’m lonely. that won’t probably change. i don’t even know if there’s anyone like that in the whole entire world at all. probably not. so, i’ll just keep dreaming. keep wishing. until one day, i stop.
@justmeeva hey. I'm reading all your posts. I come onto this site and make some posts, but I mostly provide support and friendship to those who need it. it was kinda funny cause I clicked on the community tab, and was about to click on depression support....but I felt like I shouldn't. then I saw yours. idk why but I felt drawn to this forum. before I clicked on it, I knew in my gut it was going to be a lot. after reading, I've come to really like you. your real. and, you might be afraid of sharing all this, but its really brave of you to do it anyway. I'm gonna keep reading, and write another comment when I'm all done. I want you to know though that even though this is all vertual I'm willing to be your friend. ik it might just sound like words right now, but I'll stick around as long as you'll let me. you really need a real friend rn. and I'm willing to be that. hang in there. :)
@justmeeva Let me tell you right now, you are special. So very special. And those voices telling you negative things? They don't belong to you. They aren't anything good, they don't want to help you. But they have no control over you, so don't be afraid of them. They are not a part of who you are. YOU are loved, so loved, so very loved.
