in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
@iloveyouxx
I actually only got one notification :P i havenāt read everything yet, thankyou tho <3 (everyone)
hereās a random poem that no one asked forĀ
Iām Sorry
Iām sorry for the breath I take,
The space I claim, the steps I make.
For every word thatās ever spilled,
For every dream Iāve never filled.
Iām sorry for the way I seem,
A shadow chasing after dreams.
For being me, for being here,
For all the days I lived in fear.
Iām sorry for the tears Iāve shed,
For nights alone, the thoughts I dread.
For feeling lost, for feeling small,
For holding on when I should fall.
Iām sorry for the times Iāve tried,
And all the moments that Iāve cried.
For being weak, for being strong,
For knowing right but choosing wrong.
Iām sorry for the life Iāve led,
For paths Iāve walked, the words unsaid.
For all the hope thatās turned to dust,
For breaking when I shouldāve trust.
Iām sorry that I am alive,
A soul that struggles to survive.
For every breath, for every scar,
For reaching out but staying far.
Iām sorry for just being me,
A spirit tangled, never free.
For every whisper, every shout,
For every silent, hidden doubt.
Iām sorry if I let you down,
If my existence makes you frown.
For all the ways I couldnāt be,
For everything thatās trapped in me.
Iām sorry for the life Iāve known,
For every time I stood alone.
For all the things I canāt erase,
For simply taking up this space.
Iām sorry that I am this way,
A fleeting shadow in the day.
For all the sorrow, all the strife,
Iām sorry for my very life.
I really wish I had something to say but I just donāt feel fair I donāt know not saying anything and it would be sudden. but I am still distant idk but i might aswell so
i donāt knowĀ
onā¦saturday? i sent a little request thing to get this forum removed and i know I couldāve gotten a commod or admin and I did eventually because I only wanted one reply/post removed from the forum but I donāt know I didnāt think theyād read if I specified the page and exact post and I was fine with getting the whole thing removed but an admin did get that post removed. I donāt know if this forum will actually get removed tho I sent my name and the link maybe itāll take a couple days
nd I donāt know how long it takes but my profile will also be permanently gone in Iāll say a number of days maybe sooner so
I still just donāt know sorry I think Iām gonna go again until my profile goes
@iloveyouxxĀ
those upvotes from you lifted such a weight as soon as i saw them. honestly double checked to make sure it was really you, really true.
i know those words are nothing youāve never seen before, but now more than ever, i put my whole heart in them.Ā
iām glad youāre here. really really really glad youāre here. i love you i love you i love you.Ā
(no need to reply. just upvote if you want so i know you saw it and iāll be happy <3)
Tw details? of dreams with murderĀ
Iāve been having dreams of an axe being thrown at my neck. nd Iād be on a balcony and I donāt know it was really detailed.Ā
I had another dream and it was with someone I knew basically replaying something I saw in a horror movie where person took the girls head and slammed it back on the wall so hard and she fell down and this huge *** mess and it was really scary, the movie not my dream
and itās stupid to keep on attempting when it always just ends up being an attempt I donāt want to attempt I want to commitĀ
and I will anyway not that it matters I am kinda upset about this forum going cos I had a lot on here even if it was horrible and even tho I still hate it hereĀ
Iām so numb and I like it but I wake up in the nights with my heart slamming through my chest and when I would stand the world was tilting and moving and my skin was crawling off my bones I donāt know how else to explain that itās like each blood vessel was exploding and I feel everything and my heads just on fire and I try to walk and I fall to the floor and I donāt have any energy I canāt do anything but stay there, on the floor. fun. sorry for ranting
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@iloveyouxx I just want to say thank you. It was nice talking with you. It was nice getting to know you. You're an amazing and smart person. Idk what's going on in your life right now. I only wish there was some way that we here could help make things better for you. I wish so many good things for you. Most of all I wish for you to care about yourself and to do good things for yourself because you deserve them. It's sad to see you go. You'll be missed very very much š
@mytwistedsoul
thankyou so much soulšI always loved talking to you and I hope you see how amazing you really are as much as I see it at leastšIāve kind of settled on simply not being able to be helped anymore, Iām okay to go now and, itās okayš¤this was really heartwarming to read for some reason, thankyoušso much it means a lot to mešš
@iloveyouxx You're welcome and thank you too š It means alot to me for you to say that. I hope you know that if you ever change your mind you can always come back. But I also understand that you might not. I'm just really not good with goodbyes š Lots of love to you Ily šĀ
@mytwistedsoul
sorry I left I was trying to work on something at the time but I didn't actually manage to get it done :p and then my dad came and I was only able to come on again now. nono I think your messages were beautiful nd really heartwarmingšIly too soulš
can I show you something I made? I mean I will anyway but I still thought I should ask/j
im lacking creativity and talent here so I hope you can really lower your expectations, to theĀ lowest they could go I really did try-
https://picallow.com/%f0%9f%92%99-11/?usp_success=2&post_id=352696&form_id=27
(Itās a hamster becauseā¦honestly every time I think of you I see your old pfp and maybe it was a chipmunk or mouse but my brain said hamster from memory so :pš) ( if I somehow get any ideas Iāll edit it and try and fix it nd make it look for decentš )
@iloveyouxx You made this for me? š„¹ Omgosh idk what to say š„¹ You took your free time and made this. š„¹Ā This is so sweet! I love it! šš Thank you! I think it's great! š
@mytwistedsoul
really? that makes me so happy! tho youāre just being kind but aww I did it at like 3am and then I closed the device for a second and accidentally fell asleep and my dad took it and I couldnāt find it in the morning :p
ofcourse I didšI mean if I had any talent or creativity the effort wouldāve probably been more visible. itās how I see you and all the things that make you amazingšI tried putting a name there but it never looked right, btw the link expires 4001 january so :p youāre so sweet for liking something like this and putting the worth to it awe that makes me feel betterššthankyou smšš
@iloveyouxx Yes really! š You underestimate what you did š It means so much that you took the time and effort to make this - for me. You have no idea how much that means to me! š„¹
It has worth because you have worth š It has value because you have value. It is sweet and thoughtful and so cute! I think it's perfect! Even it's little paws are up like gasp! for me? š„¹ And the phrases you wrote - the good you see in me will help me on the days when I can't see those things myself š„¹ Thank you so much ššĀ
@mytwistedsoul
Iām trying to absorb the fact you actually like itšit genuinely makes me so happy that I made something and you liked it omgšofcourse I took the time and effort to make it and yeah especially for you you deserve itš
howāre you so kindĀ :')ššIām being overwhelmed youāre being so insanely kind and sweetššI picked that hamster really specifically hehe <3šI was gonna make those quotes instead about soul saying soul things but i think everyone that knows you well enough would agree with all those but atleast me I can genuinely say them about you so so confidentlyšI wouldnāt write those down if I didnāt think them and itās you that makes me think them :pššthankyou for being you soul youāre so amazingššI was honestly really annoyed about a minute ago you just have that ability to make me feel better :pšthank youšš
@iloveyouxx If it helps you absorb it better - I wouldn't say those things if I didn't genuinely mean them š I made it my pfp š I hope that's ok š
@mytwistedsoul
I noticed ofc it isšI just thought the fact you made it your pfp was so adorable and sweet like youāre actually convincing me you like it it makes me really happyš
@iloveyouxx I do really like it š Everytime I see it I'll think about you and how you made it for me šĀ
@mytwistedsoul
awwš
@iloveyouxx The humidity has been bad here too this year. Whoa you had a flood?! Was it really bad?Ā That would be scary. I think we used to get storms more often. It seems hotter and more humid this year though. And it's rarely a gentle rain that falls but down pours it seems like
@iloveyouxx You say sorry. Im sorry too, i guess. But more than that im grateful, so so grateful, for every second spent reading your messages and posts, every word youve been kind enough to say to me, every breath ive spent in your company, even if just online. Thank you for that. Thank you for showing us even a bit of you. Thank you for being you, even if you apologize for it. Thank you thank you thank you.Ā
And i love you š©·
@unassumingEyes
I thought you were telling me to say sorry xd I literally started reading and started crying again itās like I never calmed down in the first place. my dad left but my brothers right there Iām trying to cover my face heās watching a movieĀ :') I am sorry. Iām sorry eyes Iām such a horrible friend and Iām just sensitive and selfish and stupid and clueless and I donāt deserve anything Iām an outcast everywhere I feel like no one likes me and yeah Iām still crying my brother was talking to me tho he didnāt noticeĀ :') Iāll stop sorry itās stupid anyway, and I love you so much moreš©·/gen
@iloveyouxxĀ
Ur not selfish š©· nadia please whatever your brain is telling you i dont see how you can believe selfish of all things š©· youre so kind and caring and strong š©·Ā
@unassumingEyes
my plain existence is just so annoying on its own tho and also I should think about you more and stop talking so much about me and I shouldāve tried harder to talk to you after I left for like a week and I only talk to people now when theyāre listening maybe thatās not selfish just draining and irritating and burdening, thankyouš©·thatās all just you thoughš©·you being kind finding some way to be amazing even to me :pš©·
I donāt know why but this is making me so upset now and Iām already crying but Iāll get off for a couple of minutes because I donāt want it to really obvious to anyone Iāll be back tho ā¤ļø
omg Iām so self centered and annoying I feel like I should go but that wonāt do anything anymore-