The meadow of a fluffy sheep

Keep shining your light bright and you are not alone.

@Fluffysheep8

maybe I will see you in teenie town soon just summited mr atl form

Oh. My. Goodness. Holy banana pants. It has been a hot minute.

There will be lots of updates in this post. You have been warned. /lh

I turned 15 two days ago on June 6th. I feel excited! I’m one year closer to getting my driver's license, one year closer to top surgery, one year closer to university, one year closer to getting my favorite breeds of dog, and one year closer to visiting a resort I’d like to go to.

My last day of school was today. I have a lot of mixed feelings. I'm incredibly proud of myself for surviving freshman year, if any of you guys remember, I was absolutely terrified going into high school. I've made some close friends and have some more friendly acquaintances. I passed all of my classes with A's and B's (except for gym, I don't even know how that works), and that was one of my big goals and things I was most nervous about. My mental health has had its ups and downs throughout the year for sure, and although I haven't been completely stable, I feel okay about how things have been overall.

I went to a tacos and talent show with my mentor through a mentorship program called Big Brothers Big Sisters. I recited a poem, and Maria (my mentor) showed us some of her pottery.

I went to my high school's improv show and it was hilarious. It was so funny, I laughed really hard. There are such talented people and it was great to laugh like that. One of the people in the improv show was a sophomore girl who I'll call R (I'm trying to be a bit more careful about what I share with people publicly online in case someone from my in-person life finds my diary forum). R is close friends with my friend Jocelyn. Her personality is so genuine and passionate and it's really fun and cute. She's literally the most animated person I've ever seen in my entire life. She was a leading role (Rumpleteaser) in my school's production of Cats the Musical. She's an incredibly talented actor, singer, and dancer. We've talked about six times in real life now. Jocelyn introduced me to her, I complimented her on her performance in Cats, congratulated her on the improv show, and her birthday was one day after mine (yesterday) so I made her a card and wished her a happy birthday. She's so animated and enthusiastic about everything and I find it adorable, hehe. I invited her and some other friends to a Taylor Swift pool party at the community center and I hope she and the others can come.

My friend Jocelyn came over to my house to hang out. She really values and appreciates me and it's really nice to be treated so well, honestly :') We made a blueberry dessert, played a game, and walked to and around a nearby park. I'm so grateful for her. She's funny and kind and cares about me. She's also the reason I can hang out with certain groups without feeling like an outcast. She always makes sure that I get included and that makes me feel a lot better. She and our friendship are precious and I'm really glad it turned out this way.

Some things I've cooked recently are butternut gnocchi (would not recommend it, took me six hours and tastes similar to the normal kind that only takes one and a half hours), lemon butter fish (almost started a fire on accident because I thought that hot oil steamed like water did but that was actually smoke - oops), and blueberry muffins.

I went to tour a university near me and I was super impressed. It was even better than the previous university I toured, which I didn't think was even possible. I think college will be really fun and it's another thing I'm looking forward to.

My dog's breeder/groomer lives on a hobby farm and because my mom was interested we got to borrow an incubator and hatch chicks!!

We also went to Bichon Nationals. Bichon Frise is the breed of dog I have and every year they have a national dog show. This year, it just happened to be in Minnesota at a hotel not too far from us!

And possibly the most exciting part of this entire post is that I got to see my 8th-grade friends at their 8th-grade graduation. I love them so much from the bottom of my heart and I can't wait for us to all be together again next year. I am so proud of them for getting through 8th grade. It made me happy beyond words to see them all again and they mean so much to me. Although I've made some new friends at high school, they have a special place in my heart that nothing could ever replace. They are all so wonderful and I'm beyond grateful that we've stuck together despite being separated for a year. We were separated for a whole year and only one of them left me. And even though Rosalie did leave me, I didn't die, I didn't explode, I'm still here because I was able to cope because I was strong and I used my skills. I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of all of us. It's been a long school year without them, but we'll be together again in the fall and I think that maybe this distance made us closer than ever. I've had plenty of adventures at high school and maybe it was God's plan for us to be separated so I could work on being less dependent on them. I think He wanted me to prove to myself that I could survive without them, and not only survive but have a good time. I'm so grateful for everything that this school year has brought and even though it's been difficult at times, I'm truly very glad I went to high school this year even though it did mean I had to be apart from them for a year.

Thank you all for reading and have a wonderful weekend.

@TabbyCat97

@LavenderHere

@Bunnylovesyou

@FaithfulZareia

@MagnificentSunrise

@Rubylistens22

@AnnaSilverberg

@positivePumpkin22

@innateJoy9602

@brilliantTurtle89

@VioletNotes

@BryteFlowerPetals

@CalmWaves3939

@EchoTheDragon

Happy birthday by the way.

I hope u have good year with good times and growth.

@Fluffysheep8

this is ✨ n o i c e ✨

if you ever wanna talk I’ll be here for you :D

https://emalm.com/?v=EPhJn 💔

My mom got an email from Spotify saying that Ava Max was having a concert in Minnesota because I frequently use Alexa to play her songs and that’s through my mom’s Spotify account. My mom told me about a month and a half ago and said that we can’t afford tickets but she just wanted to let me know. Ava Max is my favorite music artist. I love listening to her songs and singing them in my singing lessons. In case you don’t know her, she sings “Salt”, “My Head and My Heart”, “Sweet but Psycho”, “The Motto”, and “Kings & Queens”. Those are some of her most well-known songs. I really wanted to go but the tickets were expensive and I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend my money that way. I love Ava Max, but I didn’t know what a concert was like or if it would be worth it. I thought about it some more and still really wanted to go so I asked my mom if I could get a ticket to the show as a birthday gift. She said she couldn’t afford it but we could ask my grandparents. They helped my mom pay for the ticket for me and I was super excited. I sent a video to thank them. Then the day of the concert came and it was so unreal and exciting to see her name up on the side of the building. She’s my favorite by far and probably the only person whose concert I would pay (or ask someone else to pay) that much for. I like other artists (Dua Lipa, Olivia Rodrigo, Tate McRae) but wouldn’t have the same excitement about seeing them because I don’t idolize them as much. We were waiting in line for a very long time and then when I got in through security and into the theater we still were waiting for a while. Eventually, the intro performers came in. I started to realize that there were no seats and it was going to be a standing concert. I panicked because there were so many people crammed in front of me and they were all so tall and there was no way I could get into the front to see. I asked the people around me if there were going to be seats or if it was going to be standing and they said I have to pay $70 if I want a seat on the second floor. I told my mom and she said she would pay for it because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to see. I got settled in one of the seats and a guy and his son sat next to me. We talked about the venue and what are favorite Ava Max songs were and wondered what she would be wearing and what color her hair would be. There were two bands and they were pretty impressive. That took about an hour. We were waiting for a bit and I asked some questions about how it would work and explained that it was my first concert. He answered my questions and gave me a high five for it being my first concert. He asked if I was with anyone and I said no and explained that my friends don’t like Ava Max enough to pay for a ticket to her concert. He jokingly said he thought I needed new friends. When she finally entered the stage, the crowd went wild and so did I. It was incredible to see her actually there in front of me! She sang a bunch of songs and her performance was amazing. She had four backup dancers and a decent amount of props. It was clear she had practiced her performance hundreds of times and it was so cool. I recorded the whole thing. In between acts, the guy and I talked some more and he introduced himself as Tobin. He had a meet and greet pass and I was in awe at the idea of being able to meet Ava Max. We talked about it a bit and I asked him how much it cost. It was $200. After the show, I told him that I hope he had a great time at the meet and greet and that he got to say hi to her and all that. He asked me how old I was and I said 15. He took the meet and greet pass off (it was a thing you put around your neck like a lanyard) and put it on me and said “There you go.” I was speechless. I was like, “No no no no no, you don’t have to do this, oh my god, this was expensive, I don’t want to take this from you” and he said something like “You’re more into this than I ever will be, so it means the world to me that I’m giving you this opportunity.” I said, “Thank you so so much, oh my god, this is amazing, I can’t believe this is happening, you are so wonderful! You just made my life.” He said, “I want you to know that there are good people in this world and I hope you enjoy it.” I asked if I could hug him and we hugged and I was so extremely excited. I texted my mom and told her what happened and she was astonished just like I was. His son and I waited in line and I rehearsed what I was going to say in my head. It was, “Oh my god hi, I’m such a huge fan, you are so amazing, I sing your songs in singing lessons and this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, this guy was extremely kind and gave me his meet and greet pass and I am so grateful. You’re my favorite and the only person whose concert I would see.” As the line got shorter, I saw that the other people weren’t spending much time talking to her, just taking their photos and leaving. I was trying to prioritize what I wanted to say and when it was my turn I was almost shaking with excitement. I set my bag down and gave the person my phone and I said: “Hi! I’m such a huge fan, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me!” She said “Aww” and posed with me, putting her arm around me. I said, “I sing your songs in voice lessons! This guy was extremely kind and gave me this pass and I’m so grateful.” She said “That’s so sweet” and hugged me. My soul left my body because I was so happy. Ava Max hugged me! Omg! The person whose face I see on my favorite albums and playlists and in YouTube videos through a screen, she’s real, she was right next to me, not even a foot away from me and she touched me! Not only touched, hugged! It was so insane. Too soon, my time with her was over and I had to go back to the other part of the venue. I saw Tobin and thanked him again and got his phone number so that my mom could thank him too. It was so amazing. I felt so lucky. My mom came to pick me up and she met Tobin and thanked him a lot. She and her fiance were so amazed and blown away at what had happened in my world that night and they kept asking me questions about it because it was just so crazy.

TLDR I went to an Ava Max concert and got to meet her and she hugged me and was the most incredible experience of my life.

Fluffy I was so worried about you because I haven't seen you in a long time buddy 💕omg I miss you so much and then I realised I forgot about your forum and omg I'm so happy your still here. 🥺🥺🥺 Miss you so so so so much

Some July updates:

We went hiking with our mentor (my mentor and I were matched through a program called Big Brothers Big Sisters) and we had a great time. The trails were beautiful and we talked about all sorts of things - pets, hobbies, friends, and more. On the car ride back, I told her that I'm an OSDD system because Sara (one of my alters) was coming close to front and she was telling me I should tell her in case we switch so that she knows what's going on. She was very supportive and had a lot of questions that we answered to help educate her.

We had a sleepover with our friend Cameron and we walked around a park and our high school (we live really close to each other and these places). We talked a lot, mostly about our experiences with gender and sexuality. Cam and a really similar conversation last summer when we had a sleepover then, and it makes me happy that we're still close friends a year later and we feel comfortable having deep conversations like that.

I went with my friend Jocelyn to see our city's production of The Music Man (a musical theater play). Her best friend/my crush was a leading role in the play. I'm going to call her R because I'm trying to be a bit more confidential about the people in my IRL life and how I feel about them in case anyone from my IRL life finds my account, which I really hope they don't. The musical was amazing. It was almost three hours of acting, singing, and dancing, and everyone was so talented. The boy who played R's love interest in the play was literally so lucky, haha! He got to hold her hand and play with her hair and if I remember correctly I think he even got to carry her briefly in one scene. While she was waiting to go onstage, she waved at me! And then, after the play was done, she was greeting and hugging all of her friends and she saw me and asked if she could hug me!! I obviously said yes and she hugged me and I had to physically stop myself from cupping my hands over my mouth. She was excited, obviously not because of me but because of the play and her friends, but it felt like it was partially because of me even though it probably wasn't or at least not much and it was literally so cute and sweet.

My mom (Mom) will be gone on a work trip in Korea on Labor Day weekend and the first week of school, and the original plan was for me to stay home alone that week and ask the next-door neighbors if I needed help with anything. My mom was going to leave me food and I would be fine by myself. But then my other mom (Mama, the one I don't live with because she's a bad parent) found out more information and now I need to stay with adults overnight. I'm staying with Mom's fiance during Labor Day weekend and at my friend Cameron's house the first week of school. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and intimidated because the first week of the new school year is a lot and I was gearing up to do it with no one else in the house but now I have to stay with people which is in some ways good because Cam is a great friend and I'd love to be with him that first week of school and I know he'd be able to listen and support me when I tell him about my first days of school but at the same time it's really going to be a lot for me because not only am I having my first week of school and won't have Mom with me but also I will need to stay somewhere else and that's just kind of a lot to process. But we'll be okay, and we're really glad that we'll be staying with Cam out of all friends, he is so wonderful and his family is so kindhearted.

My friend Jocelyn came over yesterday and we had so much fun! I'm super grateful for her, she's my closest friend from high school who I can hang out with (my best friend from high school can't hang out with friends outside of school because her parents don't allow it because of cultural reasons). She values and appreciates me for who I am which is really special to me because I don't always get that sort of genuine interest. We baked strawberry cake, which was super fun and turned out delicious. I did her hair and taught her how to braid mine. We also watched funny videos and they were hilarious.

That's all I have for now, thank you so much for reading and have a wonderful day!