My family remembers the 2ish months we spent with our relatives this year with disdain- repulsion, almost, as tho it was awful. Maybe it was, for them, because there were days without electricity and days without running water and days when the bathroom wasnt working. Because grandmother called sis and i nicknames we both didnt like but we cldnt say anything, because anyone who didnt go to school/work woke up at 2pm and mom hated the awful sleep schedule. And i dont say it wasnt frustrating, because it was, and i dont say it wasnt scary sometimes, because being left with a hungry 7yr old, no cooking skills and a migraine-suffering aunt is infact kind of scary, but it wasnt awful, not for me. It wasnt defined by any of that.
It was defined by 14yr old cousin, who, being a boy, is supposed to not care about me, a girl, according to culture, asking me how come he hasnt seen me all day?, after i had a bad headache and couldnt leave bed for hours
It was defined by 17yr old cousin pulling me along as we turned the lights off while sis studied. It was later defined by the same cousin and i being able to talk easily despite my stammer while speaking urdu, resulting in the adults+sis watching us in confusion as we whispered and giggled like ***
It was defined by 3-4 hours alone early in the morning, with everyone asleep or outside for school/work, cupsing and kicking practice and trying to study and just breathing
It was defined by "are you okay's?" And 14yr old cousin continuing with his out-loud memorization while mom yelled at me, a steady sound of study for me to focus on as i tuned her out, and uncle telling me to hit 12yr old cousin's back because he can take it as a joke and me hitting with such little force everyone laughed, and 4yr old and 2yr old cousins messing around, babbling like the silly toddlers they are.
It was defined by family.
By kindness.
By understanding.
By love.
It was not repulsive. It was not awful.
It was messy and difficult and easy and chaotic and i loved it.
It was better than "home"
