In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.
A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.
While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.
I'm tired but still - Idk - just the feeling of move - just keep moving. Stay ahead of the wave - if it catches me - I'll be crushed
I hear a voice sometimes I don't recognize. It isnt one of the others. It isnt the Queen. It's growly - scary and brings with it instant terror. Not just fear but terror
Idk - sometimes I wonder - maybe I am possessed
There's an abandoned - well mostly evacuated town a couple hours from here where there's a fire down below. The coal caught fire back in the earlier sixties and has been burning since. Seems my state owns real estate in hell. I wonder what level we're on
@mytwistedsoul
In my country they are called "living fires" and it took awhile for meto find them, geologigal gas deposits that seep onto the surfave and once humams lit them they burn forever...
I rememberthat regrettful coal incident...it is well known
.
@GreenAndRedBoat You're from Romania I believe you said. It's a beautiful and wild country with a very rich history and some beautiful castles. Home of Vlad the Impaler. They've made so many movies about Dracula. I believe the best one was the newest. Where he makes the choice because he wants to save his family and his people. He's seen as a savior of sorts as opposed to the ugly monster he's normally portrayed as.
@mytwistedsoul
Fire burns for years inside the bowels of the Earth...
That coal mine once caught on fire noome would estinguish it...burning for years and years inside unknown quiet fire...
@mytwistedsoul
It is5 am in mycountry and I am going out for cigarettes...(remember the confidence...)
To sleep - perchance to dream
I dont want to dream - well ok - I'd take some good dreams
I'm - afraid to try and sleep - like some little kid - afraid of the boogie man
These monsters don't keep to the closet or under the bed
Idk I still think there's merit to the whole twenty bucks and a baseball bat idea
Stalling
Type and delete
So - fingers crossed - toes - arms - legs - eyes whatever lol
Whats on your mind J -
Anxiety has been a real b**ch lately - right now it's making me feel sick - some of it could be because I probably need to eat something but then the thought of food turns my stomach too. The headache probably isn't helping either
Not much got done yesterday - I lost hours - and I mean hours. Hours in which I have no idea what was going on - I don't like that - it makes me even more anxious. And then it's a mad dash the next day to prove we can be productive. Theres alot of worry that it's laziness - because laziness isn't or wasn't tolerated. You either contribute or you're just wasting space
Trying to be alittle more open here with things which makes the anxiety alittle worse too. Lol - I'm starting to think I have a problem with anxiety - ya know? In the times when it does get smothered by depression - it doesn't feel right - like something is missing - so you look for it - and then when you find it - it's like oh hey there you are. Then it gets worse and before you know it - you're complaining about having high anxiety - lol! What a tool you are J!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3faYe5V4Sk
Motionless in White - Voices
Voices in my head again
Trapped in a war inside my own skin
They're pulling me under
Go!
I've swallowed myself but the fever remains
I'm numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain
If I showed you my soul would you cover your eyes?
If I told you the truth would you dare me to lie?
I keep it all inside because I know that man is everything but kind
Voices in my head again
Beating me in a war I can't win
I can hear them now
Trapped in a game inside my own skin
And I don't know myself anymore
They're pulling me under
Voices
Voices
As I walk through this valley of shadows and death
I curse not the wicked, I praise not the blessed
If I told you the truth, you'd beg me to change
If fear were a currency, you'd own the bank
Voices in my head again
Beating me in a war I can't win
I can hear them now
Trapped in a game inside my own skin
And I don't know myself anymore
They're pulling me under
Voices
I don't want to live
So calloused and frozen
Ugly and hopeless
I don't want to live forever
I just want to live right now
You can't take me from me
Voices in my head again
Head again
Voices in my head again
Beating me in a war I can't win
I can hear them now
Trapped in a game inside my own skin
And I don't know myself anymore
They're pulling me under
Voices
(They're pulling me under)
Voices
They're pulling me under
Voices
Voices
I keep it all inside because I know that man is everything but kind
I keep it all inside because I know that man is everything but kind
@mytwistedsoul
Right there with you J
Anxiety is real tiring I dont think youre being lazy
Come to think of it life is tiring
Im starting to think I might have a problem with anxiety okay but I had to laugh that was funny
Candle
@ThePizza Thanks M
It is tiring - I'm tired - we're all tired. I get it to settle down and ease up by constantly being on the go. Busy busy - ya know? When I stop - it gets bad again. Its like I allways have to be distracted by motion. Idk know to keep it down and manageable. Idk - it didn't really matter lol - next week it'll be something else. Never a dull moment in casa J
I was glad to hear practice wasnt as bad. You've been in my thoughts
Be gentle with yourself
You can feel it - in the center of your chest. It's claws clutching your heart - clenching with each beat. Fooled me into a sense of false security earlier - made me think it calmed down. But it was just resting hidden there behind the rib cage waiting to pounce and tear me to shreds - sometimes I wish it would just swallow me whole.
Doesn't it know you're not supposed to play with your food?
Sometimes it feels like your skin is like a shirt that belongs to someone else. It keeps you covered but no matter how much you tug and pull there's allways a small piece of you that stays uncovered - exposed
The world is stepping into chaos
Got the reaper at my feet
They're coming for blood
They want me to break
They want me to fold
They want me to lose
I'm stuck on my own
They're just waiting to betray us
Don't know who I can trust
Down to my bones I'm shaking
There's no light in the day and
Only darkness on my skin
My sins I can't take back
The wolves are coming and they want my head
Lambs turning into lions
I wanna roar
Show 'em my teeth
I am the animal
about to take control
What do you see?
What do you want?
Are you ready for the riots?
Well you better say your prayers
Because it all falls down
When the night creeps in
And the lights go out again
🐾
@mytwistedsoul
🐾🐾
