In The Gloaming TW *just in case*

@GreenAndRedBoat Lol - thank you

Made me smile to think she's happy-happy

You probably would be able to kick my anxieties ass wouldn't you ?

@mytwistedsoul

Yes I would gladly do so 🤗😀😁😶❤💙💚💛💜

Be meaner tgan anxoeties and panics, eat them up and cuss them out...😉 i love that you have a she woof beside you to love you and smily silly at you😉😊🤗😀🐶🐕🐕🐕

My language, Romanian is extremely filthy...full of horrid words that you cannot even imagine...we are foul mouthed...words tgat cannot be translated into English since English has no equivalent for them...so therefore there is no way for me to translate for you the sms messages I received today from my so called "mother"...

Family you are "given", friends always xhose each other😉🤗😊

@GreenAndRedBoat I'm sorry that she sends you messages like that. It's not right - not on top of everything you're dealing with. Even without everything else - it isnt right

You're right - family doesn't have to share blood ties. Family is who ever we have in our pack. The one's who care about us unconditionally

@mytwistedsoul

Yea, we chose whom we love❤❤❤ since we can...

Do not worry about me, I carried my battles alone and still can...

I was elated you have a she-woof with you and a @NoneTheWiser caring friend with you...

Well, I actually envy your cold weather...

My North is calling me...

@GreenAndRedBoat I would gladly send you some of this cold weather

It snowed Friday night :)

@mytwistedsoul

Oh it chills my bones in good ways...the north knows..

Like tgey say, do not mind me, I am.drunk 😉😊, the Japanese had the disgust not to behead drunken people..

So, do not mind me, I am drunk...

@mytwistedsoul

❤💙💚💛💜

@NoneTheWiser

❤💙💚💛💜

I respect the playful colorful.chickadees but I am a mocking Jay and so much more, a morphing phoenix...

A mockingjjay...

@mytwistedsoul

@ThePizza

Noow that is what I call ART

@ThePizza Wow M :) Thank you so much! Thats a very nice drawing!

@mytwistedsoul

:) thank you

@ThePizza

Please ignore my comment and accept my appologies...I did nottake care to notice so I appologise..

@mytwistedsoul

I allways mess up.thimgs don't I , Soul?.

.sorry for this one...

@GreenAndRedBoat

Hey don

@ThePizza

(Thank you...😔)

@GreenAndRedBoat

In all honesty, it

@mytwistedsoul

Ypu knowwhat lies behind the grey...

The woof...you have my red eye gratitude....beautiful pic...

We need chickens - why you may ask

Let me show you lol

@mytwistedsoul

Im sure theyre a lot of work but chickens are pretty cool

@mytwistedsoul

chickens can wear shoes

@mytwistedsoul

😂😂😁😀

Theyare theyare🐤🐥🐓🐔🤗😁😀

Called my female woofs "Linda"s so my grandmother was upset that my Linda was afyer the little yellow chicks and she told me "she is hunting and eating them"

And Ianswered:

"Look, Linda she is just gathering them together, in her caring mouth she catches and carries them...see, now all the chicks are in one place thanks to Linda and you worried she would eat them..."

My grandmother smiled...

I lost two Lindas...

I shouldn't be afraid to sleep. Never afraid of the dark. Sometimes I think I hear things or feel the bed move. Idk - something in the room feels like it changes. I'm not sure How to explain it.

Grow up J - stop being a pussy all the time

Besides the dogs would let me know -

Doze off and the nightmares start

I'm tired but still - Idk - just the feeling of move - just keep moving. Stay ahead of the wave - if it catches me - I'll be crushed

I hear a voice sometimes I don't recognize. It isnt one of the others. It isnt the Queen. It's growly - scary and brings with it instant terror. Not just fear but terror

Idk - sometimes I wonder - maybe I am possessed

Flight Paths - Washed Away

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObnLaENAVRU

There's an abandoned - well mostly evacuated town a couple hours from here where there's a fire down below. The coal caught fire back in the earlier sixties and has been burning since. Seems my state owns real estate in hell. I wonder what level we're on

@mytwistedsoul

In my country they are called "living fires" and it took awhile for meto find them, geologigal gas deposits that seep onto the surfave and once humams lit them they burn forever...

I rememberthat regrettful coal incident...it is well known

.

@GreenAndRedBoat You're from Romania I believe you said. It's a beautiful and wild country with a very rich history and some beautiful castles. Home of Vlad the Impaler. They've made so many movies about Dracula. I believe the best one was the newest. Where he makes the choice because he wants to save his family and his people. He's seen as a savior of sorts as opposed to the ugly monster he's normally portrayed as.

@mytwistedsoul

Thank you Soul 🤗😊...If I am repeating myself please ignore...Vlad The Impaler (Dracula) was not sadistic or blood thirsty, he resorted to radical cruel measures to deterr and discourage both external enemy invaders and internal criminals by inducing extreme fear (during his reign, you could leave gold by the side of the road and noone would pick it up). He was a member of the Order Of The Red Dragon Knights. Romania is a small country but we have all forms of relief (delta, plains, plenty of rivers, sea shore, mountains, desert, bogs and marshes, and a multitude of caves - it was a romanian, Emil Racovita who founded the science of Speology - study of caves...).

I missed you and am sorry the woofs were not there too, to strengthen your safe bubble when you were down and vulnerable...the woofs were battling darkness...😔

I like your poem alot...😶🤗😊

@mytwistedsoul

Fire burns for years inside the bowels of the Earth...

That coal mine once caught on fire noome would estinguish it...burning for years and years inside unknown quiet fire...

@mytwistedsoul

It is5 am in mycountry and I am going out for cigarettes...(remember the confidence...)

To sleep - perchance to dream

I dont want to dream - well ok - I'd take some good dreams

I'm - afraid to try and sleep - like some little kid - afraid of the boogie man

These monsters don't keep to the closet or under the bed

Idk I still think there's merit to the whole twenty bucks and a baseball bat idea

Stalling

Type and delete

So - fingers crossed - toes - arms - legs - eyes whatever lol

Whats on your mind J -

Anxiety has been a real b**ch lately - right now it's making me feel sick - some of it could be because I probably need to eat something but then the thought of food turns my stomach too. The headache probably isn't helping either

Not much got done yesterday - I lost hours - and I mean hours. Hours in which I have no idea what was going on - I don't like that - it makes me even more anxious. And then it's a mad dash the next day to prove we can be productive. Theres alot of worry that it's laziness - because laziness isn't or wasn't tolerated. You either contribute or you're just wasting space

Trying to be alittle more open here with things which makes the anxiety alittle worse too. Lol - I'm starting to think I have a problem with anxiety - ya know? In the times when it does get smothered by depression - it doesn't feel right - like something is missing - so you look for it - and then when you find it - it's like oh hey there you are. Then it gets worse and before you know it - you're complaining about having high anxiety - lol! What a tool you are J!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3faYe5V4Sk

Motionless in White - Voices

Voices in my head again
Trapped in a war inside my own skin
They're pulling me under
Go!

I've swallowed myself but the fever remains
I'm numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain
If I showed you my soul would you cover your eyes?
If I told you the truth would you dare me to lie?

I keep it all inside because I know that man is everything but kind

Voices in my head again
Beating me in a war I can't win
I can hear them now
Trapped in a game inside my own skin
And I don't know myself anymore
They're pulling me under

Voices
Voices

As I walk through this valley of shadows and death
I curse not the wicked, I praise not the blessed
If I told you the truth, you'd beg me to change
If fear were a currency, you'd own the bank

Voices in my head again
Beating me in a war I can't win
I can hear them now
Trapped in a game inside my own skin
And I don't know myself anymore
They're pulling me under

Voices

I don't want to live
So calloused and frozen
Ugly and hopeless
I don't want to live forever
I just want to live right now
You can't take me from me

Voices in my head again
Head again

Voices in my head again
Beating me in a war I can't win
I can hear them now
Trapped in a game inside my own skin
And I don't know myself anymore
They're pulling me under

Voices
(They're pulling me under)
Voices
They're pulling me under
Voices

Voices

I keep it all inside because I know that man is everything but kind
I keep it all inside because I know that man is everything but kind

@mytwistedsoul

Right there with you J

Anxiety is real tiring I dont think youre being lazy

Come to think of it life is tiring

Im starting to think I might have a problem with anxiety okay but I had to laugh that was funny

Candle

@ThePizza Thanks M

It is tiring - I'm tired - we're all tired. I get it to settle down and ease up by constantly being on the go. Busy busy - ya know? When I stop - it gets bad again. Its like I allways have to be distracted by motion. Idk know to keep it down and manageable. Idk - it didn't really matter lol - next week it'll be something else. Never a dull moment in casa J

I was glad to hear practice wasnt as bad. You've been in my thoughts

Be gentle with yourself

You can feel it - in the center of your chest. It's claws clutching your heart - clenching with each beat. Fooled me into a sense of false security earlier - made me think it calmed down. But it was just resting hidden there behind the rib cage waiting to pounce and tear me to shreds - sometimes I wish it would just swallow me whole.

Doesn't it know you're not supposed to play with your food?

Sometimes it feels like your skin is like a shirt that belongs to someone else. It keeps you covered but no matter how much you tug and pull there's allways a small piece of you that stays uncovered - exposed

The world is stepping into chaos

Got the reaper at my feet

They're coming for blood

They want me to break

They want me to fold

They want me to lose

I'm stuck on my own

They're just waiting to betray us

Don't know who I can trust

Down to my bones I'm shaking

There's no light in the day and

Only darkness on my skin

My sins I can't take back

The wolves are coming and they want my head

Lambs turning into lions

I wanna roar

Show 'em my teeth

I am the animal

about to take control

What do you see?

What do you want?

Are you ready for the riots?

Well you better say your prayers

Because it all falls down

When the night creeps in

And the lights go out again

🐾