In The Gloaming TW *just in case*

I think - I forget how to people sometimes and my words sound harsh to my ears. It causes a flutter of - fear? Concern at it coming out wrong - Idk - maybe it just doesn't make sense to me. My brain can't comprehend my foreign tongue. I hate feeling stupid

There's an angry face in the mirro and unkind thoughts in this head
I don't like this face - I don't like these thoughts

What a pathetic excuse for a human we are today

Challenge it - push it away

Give me a nudge you b**ch - I'm tired of fighting

Intrusive thoughts and images - violent and disgusting - this isn't me is it?

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf

You can't help anyone - you can't even help yourself

Don't touch - you'll get burn

Toxic - caustic - the poison in my brain - makes me feel sick
These thoughts make me sick

Every word - every feeling feels like a lie - maybe the lie feeling is the lie - I've fooled myself into - something
And now these thoughts become a riot and nothing makes sense and time ceases to matter

And I waste my time - Along with everyone elses

Idk - this is like the third monday I've had this week

@mytwistedsoul (I feel sad tgat you feel like this😔😔 I felt it since Sunday Easter, you were not yourself, last Friday you were fine, then the weekend brought you down...I hope my bad mood did not contribute to your state...I wish I can reverse tge order of things and bring you a sunny Sunday after a bad row of Mondays...hugs you with good wishes...)

@ButerfleeDreamer This past weekend was hard for me. Your bad mood didn't contribute - I bring things on myself

Thank you though - I'm sorry I'm short on words today. I do appreciate your words though

@mytwistedsoul (I know that feeling very well myself that is why I hesitated before writing...be well my dear friend...)

@mytwistedsoul

Sitting with you

@ThePizza Thank you M

@mytwistedsoul I don't have any words for you, just a safe hug if that's ok?

@crimsonLime6525 Thank you Lime :) I would like that

I miss Jenny...

bc so much is happening and I just want her to hug me and tell me it's ok.

@sunshinegiraffe123 You can allways PM her sunshine - she's usually pretty good at getting back to people

@mytwistedsoul

Hugs

@sunshinegiraffe123 Thank you :)

Disturbed - Stupify https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQBNH3UFEC0

Missio - Twisted https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp70dN6hkNM

Joshua Hyslop - World Spins Madly On https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHAHP8EV0xo

Of Monsters and Men - I Of The Storm https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlCkafSYNJI

Of Monsters and Men - Human https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EnrFe3Zb6k

Hollow Coves - The Woods https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q466ZPyNAo

@mytwistedsoul

(I needed these for a spul escape, I am having terrible time myself...😔😔😔)

@ButerfleeDreamer I'm sorry you're having a bad time right now :(

Is there anything that would help make the day alittle better?

The music is sort of all over the place today

@mytwistedsoul

This just did the trick for me. I am going to enjoy each one of them now letting go of my feelings and emotions...they are so meaningful to me...it hard to explain...thank you once again Soul, I find myself greatly in your deabt when I find treasures in your thread...

@ButerfleeDreamer You're welcome :)

@mytwistedsoul (thank you for finding and chosing these for us who may need tgem...)

@mytwistedsoul

Good songs

@ThePizza Thanks M. I'm glad you liked them :)

@mytwistedsoul

:) Ive actually listened to Twisted before lol

@ThePizza Hey M - that's cool. Missio has some pretty good tunes.

I was wondering how you're doing with this lockdown stuff. It must be kind of hard for you. With no school or swimming. There's probably dances and stuff that are coming up. I hopw you're finding ways to connect with your friends but still finding time for yourself. I hope this doesnt bring up any bad feelings though too. Hows the online school going? Easier or harder? Can you go back and review certain days of you don't understand something? Hows the new therapist? Lol - sorry too many questions :)

@admaiorasemper Hey V - I just wanted you to know that you've been in my thoughts and well - I've been sitting with you silently. I'm sending you some good thoughts and I hope they find their way to you. If you ever need to talk - if you ever need - anything - there are people here who care for you and you don't have to be alone - you aren't alone. We're there with you in heart and soul - I know it's not much but - it's there

Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts

@mytwistedsoul

Thank you so much J. for these words. They were very much needed, yesterday was a very difficult day for me. Who knows, maybe you sensed it somehow

@admaiorasemper You're welcome :) I'm sorry yesterday was a bad day for you. I hope today is - well - I hope it's better - even if it's just alittle bit

Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts

@mytwistedsoul

It is better, thank you

You also be gentle with yourself

Silent Theory - Lost Forever https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX59OO4CFzc

Valley of Wolves - Chosen One https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6egnQzvVh8

Breathing Theory - Broken Wings https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1f2qY3MVOA

Seth Borsellini - Chrysalis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCzVV9ine_A

Essenger & Young Medicine - Lost Boys https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRftkNRDsg8

On my mind - Idk - alot of things and alot of nothings

It's cold out - they say we could have more snow - again. Guess someone didn't get the memo about spring - tempermental bi**ch that she is

Idk - not really in a bad mood or a good mood - just a mood. Like you're walking a fine line - tightrope walker and it could go either way

Feel alittle shaky

Been having alot of mixed feeling about the work - if you want to call it that - that I do. Just a waste of time - ya know? Idk what else I'd do tbh - I haven't gone to college - Idk what I'd study anyway - us backwoods hicks don't do higher learning lol

I'm simple - ya know? I have simple tastes - And I don't want for much - I mean don't get me wrong if someone handed me a few million - I wouldn't turn it away. I don't eat fancy stuff - or drive fancy cars - or wear nice clothes. Usually something has a hole in it somewhere - not that any of it matters. IDk - maybe just trying to straighten somethings in my head. Justify things maybe

I still worry alot when I reach out to people here - Idk - anxiety or well - anxiety lol - I guess thats what it all boils down to. What is that phobia - do they have a scientific name for the fear of f**king up? My words sometimes sound harsh - ya know? Like Idk - you're talking to someone and you think you're talking in a quiet voice but you're actually yelling at them and everyone else hears the yelling but you don't. You sound like a normal sane person to yourself

Sometimes - Idk - if you go by religion - it feels like maybe this is purgatory - doesn't it? You're waiting for some unknown face to decide your fate but you can't say anything to plead your case - nothing to defend yourself. Idk - tbh I can drive myself nuts with religious conversation. A part of me wants to believe - hoping to find - peace maybe? But then there is another part of me - that - well - lol - we just won't repeat any of that ok? i'm stuck in the middle of a tug of war game with it

Intrusive thoughts - holy crap - the stuff that intrudes really sucks. During the day it's not as bad - but at night sometimes when you try to fall alseep - the thoughts and images that show up

Idk - anyway - Lost some time - guess I need to see if I can find it

@mytwistedsoul

A piece of paper never defines us but what we have in our soul and mind count...my clothes are like your clothes...I would have liked to work with wood and have my own hand made toy shop...my woofs...instead I get slowly consumed by depression in limbo...I envy you for having snow since we only had about 2 days of snow tgis year when we get usually months of heavy snow...now we have summer temps already, I guess in the summer will get pass 40

@ButerfleeDreamer I hope it doesn't bother you for me to say that I admire your spirit. I see you dropping in with people to offer support and the way you've been with Mike. All the while I know you must hurt a lot. I've seen you show great amounts of patience. You're a good person.

Thank you for your kind words old wolf. May your howls sound through the night for many seasons to come.

@mytwistedsoul

Thank you for your wishes...😔 I would rather preffer to go, but smth does not allow me and keeps me in limbo and the reaper afraid of me...

Leaving that thought aside I thank you again for your kind words and wishes put in such a nice way...(sorry, it is hard for me to smile today...)

@ButerfleeDreamer I'm sorry you're having a bad day

You'll be in my thoughts - I hope - Well I hope you feel better

Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts

@mytwistedsoul

It's hard to stay low with friends like you😶😊, thank you for the Teddy🐻🐻🐻 and the chessus🧀🧀🧀😀😁...

@ButerfleeDreamer You're welcome :)

@mytwistedsoul

Hugs🤗😊...

@mytwistedsoul

Intrusive thoughts suck a$$

I think there doesnt really need to be a point to what you do if you enjoy it— I guess then it does have a point at that point (haha), the point is that you have fun doing it. (Okay now the word point just sounds weird.) And really if you can support yourself without college/a job, you dont have to go, unless you wanted to. Idk just my thoughts on the matter

@mytwistedsoul

Also we hear a sane, normal volume of speaking too. Though its hard not to worry about these types of things, I know :/

Sam Tinnesz - Fight On https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGqzPzZ3I-w

Sam Tinnesz - Bloodshot https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptIhqKgB9AI

Sam Tinnesz - Hold Me Up https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlweBS2_Law&list=RDWlweBS2_Law&start_radio=1

Ghost Machines - New Kind of Animal https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IGFtlKi7kA

Unsecret - Unstoppable https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kny8TBOi2dc

@NoneTheWiser I hope you have some Johnny Cash on there too. 😏

@NoneTheWiser Excellent! I knew you had good taste.