In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.
A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.
While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.
On my mind - headache - tired
Wary - quiet
It's been a hoodie day
Must have used my word quota up yesterday
Anxiety was really bad today. Not much sleep last night. I think it was last night. Days seem to run into each other sometimes
Some tunes - yeah?
Falling in Reverse - The Drug In Me Is Reimagined
A Killer's Confession - The Shore
Flight Paths - Running on Broken Legs
Miracle - The Score
It's not just a phase
Now let me explain
I'm working through some shit
Sometimes I'm medicated
It's hard to relay
The thoughts in my brain
I'm working for a life that's not domesticated
It's not just a show
I need you to know
I'm trying to keep it real, sometimes it's complicated
This battle for gold is killing my soul
It's hard to be yourself when all you feel is jaded
Shit never goes the way that you planned
Success is a door that always slams
I'm trying to break it
I'm trying to break it
Searching for words, and praying for signs
I struggle to find the rhythm and rhyme
Don't know how to say it
Don't know how to say I'm minutes away from going insane
Cause I'm losing my mind
Trying to find the perfect line
I think I'm running out of time
I need a mira-miracle, a mira-miracle
Yeah I'm losing my mind
Counting seconds passing by
And I don't know when I'll be fine
I need a mira-miracle, a mira-miracle
A miracle
Random thoughts - randomly thought of -
Headache - alittle anxious - alittle anger
I couldn't remember what day it was so I checked - 4 times - I'll probably have to check again later
I just noticed the blue birds are back - little buggers are in for a rude awakening - it's supposed to get cold again - stupid groundhog doesn't know spring or winter
Lost some time this morning - my coffee was ice cold
Sometimes my hands don't look like mine - they feel and look - smaller
Sometimes it's not an intrusive thought but an intrusive feeling
Thought about my uncle alittle - it popped up out of no where - he was going to shoot me
*secret* lol - the back of my head is sort of flat lol - so maybe it's just brain damage
Pain isn't as bad today - thats a definite plus. It's usually my back and my hip - too many things broken - too many times
Music is ok again - YAY! It doesn't allways last all day but I'll take some over none
Willyecho - Monster
I can see the truth
No, you don't have to lie to me
Don't fill your head with things
And think you're free
I can smell the fear
I think you made clear (Yeah)
I can be rude
Be in a mood
I can be rotten
I can be cruel
Might act a fool
But never forgotten
Creeping in the dark
Waiting for you
You won't like what you see
Yeah I feel like a monster
And I'm just here to haunt ya'
I'll become your nightmare
Stepping in your dreams
I'm the definition of the worst kind of mean
Yeah I feel like a monster
And I'm just here to haunt ya'
I'll become your nightmare
Stepping in your dreams
I'm the definition of the worst kind of mean
Yeah I feel like a--
Monster
Monster
Monster
Yeah I feel like a--
You can't hold me back
Yeah I'm coming for ya'
I'm a heater on ya'
No, I'm just telling you the facts
Oh, this chains can't hold me down (Yeah)
Yeah I feel like a--
- You don't believe in monsters, do you?
+ Of course not!
- I do
See me change into something darker
I feel shaky inside - busy head - Tense -waiting - thoughts all over - wild confused creatures they are today
But yet quiet and brooding - Idk - I'm a walking contradiction sometimes I think
Sometimes I just don't feel right - like a partial switch that gets stuck - half in half out
There's a ghost inside my home
That ghost is me
Sometimes you have to pick the smallest most manageable piece of a big thing
Well - this is a nice change of scenery. It's a prison cell. I was being sarcastic
These thoughts should be quarantined
The deeper you dig the darker it
You can't have my soul - i just got this one to fit right
I think - maybe I'm angry - Somedays I feel like I hate everything
predatory but afraid to show my teeth - it scares the nice people
Maybe alittle sad too - F**k Idk - Idk anything anymore
Even my own words annoy me and they don't make any sense anyway
Idk - seems like I've been looking at this for hours
hands look funny
Don't leave in a huff - leave in a minute and a huff
Maybe it's a tumor or a parasite eating away at my brain
@mytwistedsoul Sorry that's insulting.
It's frustrating - i get tired feeling . Lol like literally. Tired of feeling anxious depressed. I get tired of being unsure if I said something here - or if it was justa conversation in my head. I get tired of fighting for words. Tired of fighting to understand. Tired of feeling just - so wrong. Like Mr Potato got his eyes where his ass should be. Some one connected my dots wrong. I'm sending a theme here. I think - maybe - I'm tired. He'll even my phone can't figure out what I'm trying to say. Just did it again and I ain't going to back up and fix it this time
Time - right? Just takes time. It gets better - eventually - right? Are we all deluded believe it? Do we really believe that? Maybe we're just deluded about our delusions. Maybe this is really just the Matrix and we're just waiting for the right pill. F**k if this isn't reality - reality must suck worse. We're all so screwed