A Space For The Unsaid (Personal Diary)

@mytwistedsoul

Aw you no need to apologize Soul ❤ its v nice having you here and you caring enough to read these silly rants 😔 and being so kind about it 🥺

people at home...Soul...family??😔 ....can't go away... no means for it rn...or anytime soon...idk...they are ok usually i think idk .....sometimes not nice but no option than pretending im not there ...

me is just so bad at handling the yelling...me freezes 😔 me just go to different room or the bathroom or the balcony area... to be alone 😅

Soul me conflicted you know... i have thoughts like these too... to go away or move ...I wish that was an option... it isn't anytime soon....but then tbh on many days i feel like they deserve better....im so ...worthless..an absolute waste of space...so more than for me ... I wanna go away from them for them.. so they dont have to put up with such a burden ....they are right in what they think.. say...to me.. for me.. i guess...😔

*hugs you ❤❤

@Optimisticempath Family sucks 😞 I think I knew that you meant family but didn't want to assume. I'm sorry they are the way they are. I don't think they're right in anything that they say or think. Nobody deserves that 😞

@Optimisticempath Hey you :) Just wanted to say hey and that you've been in my thoughts 💙

@mytwistedsoul

Soulllll🥺 even tho me an awful friend sometimes ... you never fail to make me feel cared for ...idk how to express how much it means to me..and how much you and your friendship means to me 🥺 thankyou vv much ❤ me luvs you and appreciates you a lot 🤗 *tight squeeeziee* you in my thoughts too Soul ❤ 

hows you doing lately? 🥺

@Optimisticempath You're never an awful friend OptiBear! ❤️ You're hurting and struggling with a lot 😞 and friends check in on friends and remind them that they're cared about and loved ❤️ 😊 ❤️

@Optimisticempath

Milky,🥛🧸 how's you? 🌈🧸

*shares burger 🍔 & fries 🍟 with Milky 🥛🧸*

@VictoriaLove7

thank you rainbow bear 🥺 you find the cutest pictures 🌈🧸 me likey burger and fries *nom nom  🥰 shares with you too if you want 💕

im ok Victory ... how are you? and your knee pain? memory is terrible but I think you mentioned something like it... 😅 

@Optimisticempath

*takes some fries 🍟, nom nom & huggss Milky*🥛🧸💕🤗💕🌈🧸

me is vvv glad that you are ok & rainbow bear 🌈🧸 hopes you be gentle 🥺💕 to yourself, Milky🥛🧸💕 

yes yes, me sometimes have knee pain, you remember it correctly, Milky!🥛🧸 ⍝ʕ ᵔᴥᵔ ʔ⍝

me is okie in general, but sometimes have itchy allergy on me palms & right knee pain when sitting long ⍝ʕ •ᴥ• ʔ⍝

@VictoriaLove7

mhm me will try 😅

oh no .. did you see doctor for knee pain and itchy palms 🌈🧸? 

be gentle with you too and take care also 💕 more huggieees for chu🤗

@Optimisticempath

yes yes, Milky 🥛🧸💕 ʕᵔᴥᵔ ʔ me 🌈🧸 see the doctors for me allergy & knee pain, & got some medicines 💊 to take ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ 

me will try to be gentle to myself & chu be more gentle to yourself too! 🤗💕

*huggieess chuu back* 🥛🧸💕🤗🌈🧸 🥛⍝ʕᵔᴥᵔ ʔ⍝💕

Heeelooooo Lumieeee💛🌙

Miss youuuu!! 💕

@Yougotmyback

Amybooo🥺 me so happy to see you 💕💕💛💛 miss you too 💕

how's your health if ok to ask? me hopes you taking care of chu 💕 *huggles you tightly*

Just recovering..it will take a few months I guess:/

I'm trying my best to take care of myself. Hope you're taking care of yourself too 🥺💕💕

*Hugs back* 💛💛💛

@Yougotmyback

mhmm.. take your time Amyboo💕 sending lots of luvv and healing huggles to you💕 

idk how do people have the will and energy to ...well.. live? and doing it everyday? ...fr?

do people really look forward to something? a morning? meeting someone? being around other people? setting goals? food? hobbies? movies? life? how???

im just so 🥴  I can't think of anything i look forward to smh ...idk how that even feels like anymore.. 

it's sad tho...i wasn't doing ok in a long time but lately it doesn't even seem to matter much lmao..

just here with an endless misery of this pathetic existence eww😖

@Optimisticempath

Milky 🥛🧸💕🥺 perhaps by having a hobby,  or maybe buying stuff online then you will have smoll things to look forward to 🌈ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ💕🥛⍝ʕᵔᴥᵔ ʔ⍝💕

Me 🌈🧸 also feel like that most of the times. Then me try to buy stuff in an online store, & then me got smoll things to look forward to (the smoll packages 📦 ⍝ʕ￫ᴥ￩ʔ⍝💕

ill spiral worse if i don't make use of this silly humor smh ...so here we are .. again... 🤡🤡

so easyy

@Optimisticempath

*Hugs IF OKAY* 

@amiableBunny4016 Bunwee🥺 *hugs back 💕 and there's a unicorn gif 🥺 me luvss 🦄

@Optimisticempath

Yay! Me glad you like unicorn hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

@amiableBunny4016 yes even more because they came from sweet bunwee friend 🥺🤗🧸🤗🤗 

lol the unicorn dance is awesome xD 

how's weeknd for you friend? 

@Optimisticempath

Hehehe 🥺💜 you da best! Weekend is going. Just.. surviving stuff yk but Dw *unicorn dances*

@amiableBunny4016 huggles you if ok💜

im supposed to feel sad and like really really sad about something... like maybe also angry on the person because they treated me wrong... made me feel insecure and even more alone.....were inconsistent and emotionally hurtful ... broke my trust... are no longer my safe person space... no longer wanna be my friend or love one and just kinda ditching on me... but idk why am i not really feeling it...was this so expected or idk

they said a lot of things even admiting all of that ... and I could only say it's ok??????????

is it? idk... its probably not..my smh ...lowkey saw that coming.. one of those I told you so moments with myself... people dont really stay lmao so what did I even expect... nothing... it should hurt ... I think its hurting but also i dont really know... when did I become so devoid of feelings 😔.... me thinks me just lacking any energy to show any emotion or say anything... they've decided whatever they wanted and nothing gonna change it so like why bother... it's fine...all is fine... nothing new here...about people leaving.. or just walking out when they feel they are done with you....totally cool bruh..huh👍 

@Optimisticempath

*huggsss Milky 🥛🧸🥺*

It might be because Milky 🥛🧸 is gentle to them, but me 🌈🧸 think that Milky 🥛🧸 should be more more gentle to chuself *🌈🧸 huggss Milky 🥛🧸🥺 tighttt*

@VictoriaLove7

maybe 🌈🧸 🥺 me cant do confrontation and stuff and it's so hard to tell someone how we feel even if they hurty etc 😔

hugs you tight ❤ 

@Optimisticempath

Milky 🥛🧸💕🥺 me used to be like that too, then me read of 'I' statements article. It suggests we can tell people who hurty us using 'I' statements,  like, 'I feel.... when you...' but it might not be easy either.

But but, me think you should be more gentle to yourself because when people hurty us, it is not our fault. 🥺🥛🧸💕

*huggsss Milky 🥛🧸💕 vv tighttt*🥛🧸🤗💕🌈🧸

@Optimisticempath

Hugs 🥺 till you feel better 

@RachelListener

@Optimisticempath

*huggss till you feel better*🥺

a lot of emptiness

a lot of numbness 

a lot of darkness

it's weird ... sometimes there's just blankness inside but it's not peacefully blank but like very noisy and crowded and uncomfortably loud ... still there's nothing? a lot of noise and then nothing?

this doesn't even make sense i guess but idk it's all weird inside 😔

@Optimisticempath

*sitting with Opti beary bean if okay and offering hugs* 🫂💕

@LoveMyMoonflowers

flowerbuddybean🥺 i missed you sm💕 and you always welcome to sit with me and hug me friend 🥺 hugs back and sitting with you 💕

@Optimisticempath

aww. i missed you too friend 🥺 and been thinking of you <3 me kinda been in and out of cups but me thinks i’m back from break now 😅💜 big big hugs for you my friend 💕 

@LoveMyMoonflowers

i don't feel a lot of people think about me so it is so nice and idk cry worthy sweet to hear that you do🥺 thank you 💕

i cud do a lil happy dance now that your back then :P welcome back flowerbuddy 🤗 im sure a lot of people missed you...ik I did🥺..you are always so kind and thoughtful with just the sweetest words to say🥰  how was your break? 

how is you feeling rn? 

big big hugs back 🤗🤗💕💕💕💕

@Optimisticempath

aww 🥺 what makes Opti friend feel that way? :( me knows some people here who defo keep you in their thoughts friend 💜 your a vvvvv sweet, lovely friend and you always have been 💜 so v kind to your friends. it would be hard not to have you in thoughts friend 🥺💕tbh i think our brainies seem okay with the fact that we love other people/our friends and have them pop into our thoughts 💜 but brainie is mean to self and mmmm… :/ 

happy dance 🤭 thank you friend, that’s so sweet. <3 i did miss lots of people here too 🥺 including you 🥺💕 and i’m still missing some people because they’re on break too/ i still haven’t seen them in a while :') :') 

my break was okie, it was mostly just me… and life, dealing with life 🤪 and peeking at cups now and then but not really for long lol 😅 so sweet of you to ask friend 💕

i’m feeling okay now 💜 thank you friend 💜 tbh i ain’t been the best (during break) but it’s okay lol :') breathing, dealing with life, schoolybobs… 💜 ill say im okay lol 🤷🏻‍♀️ how’s you now? 🥺 (no pressure)

*biggest hugs* 

I’m sorry friend most of what i said didn’t make any sense 😅😭

@Optimisticempath

*rainbow bear 🌈🧸🥺💕 also sits with Milky 🥛🧸 & huggss you vv tightttt*

everything hurty 😖 

please shush brain shush just shush😖 

@Optimisticempath

huggies you if okie 💜💜