A Space For The Unsaid (Personal Diary)
Uh hello if anyone is reading this! ๐
I have no idea why I'm even creating this thread but i just feel it will be nice to have a place to share some thoughts or even these images on the internet that i always keep saving for myself because i relate too much but cannot share it with anyone because yes haha
I'm okay with replies here so feel free to drop by anytime โค๏ธ
Just please be kind and respectful if your replying to my posts.
Couldn't find your chat:(
Hope you're doing okay! Wishing you a very happy new year. ๐โจ
Hey, we survived another one! So, cheers to that. ๐๐๐
Hugggss to youuuuuu๐๐๐ซถ๐ป๐ฅฐ
@Yougotmyback oh i can see your texts Am just need to get back to them ... will do soon ๐ thank you for making me feel cared for always and for thinking of me ๐ฅบ means the world to me ๐๐
yes we survived ... nobodys gonna ask "how??" tho.. right?๐ค .. xD
we did and im specially glad you did because you deserve all things amazing and you've gotta keep on being here to receive themย ๐ me luvs you ๐ฅฐ *keeps hugging* happy new year ๐๐
Aww๐๐ฅบ take your timeeee.
Hehe you're a beautiful human and you deserve all the love and care and hugs๐ฅบ๐ฅบ๐๐ me luvs you moreeeee.๐
Even if it was difficult, we are still hereeee. Strong hoomans hehe. Going to give you lots of advance hugs so that you never lack them when you need one this year! ๐ฅน๐
*Offers a warm blanket* cozy cozy hehe
cannot sleep so im here to rant ๐
im so tired of feeling like such a hypocrite sometimes.... it is so wrong wanting to feel nice ... have someone who makes you feel special ... feel loved and cared for ?? and then to push literally everyone away who tries even a little ....wtf is so wrong smh ... ๐ in my very twisted sense i feel like im protecting them from me???? or protecting me from them???? Or both or idk but why the confusion....people like people, be together, be nice to each other...but i cannot do any of it... why am I so scared ... and they dont even understand .... sometimes justify why i should just keep distance and be guarded ...like always... no getting people close ... no getting hurt... does it work like that???... ๐ affection is what me sometimes craves so much...but also what me doesn't want to feel sometimes..... it feels so lonely but then i don't even try to not feel lonely......like i like being alone I think..... poeple are noisy... people are too much ... too much to deal with...yet it feels so lonely ...it hurts being so alone .. does it make sense??? ...no ..ย
@Optimisticempath
Perhaps we do not want to show our vulnerability, because we do not know if we can trust people of holding our vulnerable heart ๐. Milky bear ๐ฅ๐งธ, me hope you will try to be kind to yourself especially when struggling. ๐ฅบ๐ Me is here, though my response is slow because me often occupied with doing some stuffs *hugs milky bear ๐ฅ๐งธ* if okie ๐ค๐ย
@VictoriaLove7 yes v true and relatable rainbow bear ๐ฅบ thank you for being here and its ok to respond in your time ๐ just your presence and kindness means a lot too ๐ค hugs backย
how've you been?๐๐งธ
@Optimisticempath
Milky ๐ฅ๐งธ ๐ค ๐ me okie in general, survive
How's you, Milky? ๐ฅ๐งธ๐ค
ย
@Optimisticempath*offers safe hugs* hey you โค๏ธ You've been in my thoughts. I've missed seeing you around
I really hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable that I reply. I know sometimes we like to write for just ourselves. *I'm totally overthinking it idk* ๐
I think it's a combination of the two. We feel so flawed sometimes that we're positive we're just going to say or do something and someone is going to get hurt. Yet We want so much to be a part of some kind of friendship/ relationship but maybe the people who've been the closest to us have caused us a lot of hurts. Maybe you feel being alone equals safety. Being alone means there's less worry about having to watch everything you say and do. It's tiring feeling like you have to be on guard on the time
Anyway lol - ๐
*sending you good vibes and much love OptiBear* โค๏ธโค๏ธ
@mytwistedsoul
Soulllll I could never not-like your replies omg ๐ฅบ you are always always welcome to reply.. say anything you want .. always ๐ and me appreciates it too...you have the most caring and comforting things to say...idk how you do it always tho being so selfless and sweet ๐ฅบย
ahhh yes "Maybe you feel being alone equals safety." that's exactly how me feels ๐ ๐ฅบ ...that's how me has felt always... or for as long as this stoopid memory serves lmao....ย
it's really tiring and exhausting but such a conundrum and idk what is it that i really want ๐ญ... me no wanna hurt people too .... me knows this much.. no hurt people....๐
ive missed you too ๐ฅบ your the most amazing friend anyone can ever have and i consider myself blessed to have you as a friend โค how's you doing Soul? *hugs tight and doesn't let go ๐ค
lots of love and bestest vibes to you โคโคโค
@Optimisticempath
The meme hehe ๐ฑ ^_^
@VictoriaLove7 kitty meme ๐
@Optimisticempath
yes yes, Milky ๐ฅ๐งธ it is kittyย เธ ^โข๏ปโข^เธ memes ๐ค๐
do you sometimes just randomly remember that you are alive????? idk how weird this is like sometimes i just want to hide and not be known to anyone ...ย the urge to just disappear.. (no im not in crisis ๐... not one that id acknowledge anyway so..) but just to go away from everything and everyone... and mostly myself I think... I'm not very fond of me lmao ....veryyy trash likeeย and very very very big of a waste space.....๐๐๐
i feel terrible for having these bad thoughts.... and then I feel terrible for "feElInGg" ... urghhย just ๐ญ๐ญ
@Optimisticempath
Is it because milky ๐ฅ๐งธ feels overwhelmed, maybe? ๐ฅ๐งธ๐ฅบย
Rainbow bear ๐๐งธ is fond of milky ๐ฅ๐งธ๐๐ฅบ *me sits with milky*
@VictoriaLove7 ๐ฅบ you don't wanna waste your time on me ๐๐งธ .....me ok ..
@Optimisticempath
It is not a waste of time, Milky ๐ฅ๐งธ๐ฅบ๐ *huggss milky ๐ฅ๐งธ๐ค if okie*๐ฅบ๐
can't even make.it to talk to people. About anything Smh .. been.forver and its the same. Stuff ....same...no change...no improvement...oh wait...yes change...got worse hahahhaahahahahaa๐ฌ but also what to say ... im just not upto any good ...and this sucky sucky effed up reality is the inevitable truth ... who's to blame? me of course...I dont do a thing to change .... idk what self care even looks like...for me tho it's very close to not ...um being in a very active crisis situation i guess.. yeah... that's self care .... or just survival idkkk... pathetic either way and absolute no use .. just so tired... i don't wanna do anything ๐ญ or just lazy.... yeah lazy... very lazy and again a waste of space ๐ฅด ... so unbothered yet so disturbed at the same time?!?!? How is that even possible... *** brain ๐ญplease ๐ญ just ๐ญ shut ๐ญ upppp๐ญ
@Optimisticempath @Optimisticempath *sits with OptiBear* I wish there was something to say or do to help stop your brain from being so mean
@Optimisticempath
*hugs if okie ๐ฅบ keeps hugging till you feel better*๐ฅบ
@Optimisticempath Just "swinging" by to say You've been in my thoughts โค๏ธ
@mytwistedsoul lolsiees swinging by me see what you did there soul ๐ thankchu for swinging by ๐ฅบ and for being here to take care of us the other day....im v sorry if me said something not should've said or made you worry ๐ magic moo is so lovely and beautiful and colorful and magical ๐ฅฐ *huggies magic moo* ..you are vv amazing Soul โค my bestest friend and someone who I so deeply and appreciate and am grateful for ๐ญ me luvs you lots โคโค *huggles you v tightt*
how've you been Soul? ๐ฅบ *tight hugs โค be a little extra gentle with you too ok?
@Optimisticempath There's nothing for you to be sorry for. โค๏ธ You were sweet as always. I have to admit I did worry alittle but only because you're my friend and I care about you โค๏ธ
@mytwistedsoul
im sorry for worrying you Soul ๐ฅบ ngl tho it feels nice to be cared for sometimes .. even as reminders of what that means ๐ thankiees for caring for me and being such an amazing friend ๐ you mean vv lots to me too and me cares about chu too vv much also ๐ฅบ caring for you comes so naturally...like idk if its ok to say this... but many many times me thinks how you are always there to comfort so many people here and Soul you come at right time always ... you are just there for literally everyone ๐ฅบ it sometimes makes me think if we are able to even do 1% for you what you do for all of us.. your vv nurturing and caring and have such a beautiful heart ... if me could ever do anything to support you, be with you or remind you in some way of how awesome you are .. id always do my best for you... because you deserve it ๐๐ soo much ๐ฅบ
i feel the most ... idk what's the word but a word for feeling not as numb as always or more human like or can feel some emotion after feeling really emotionless .. that.. you make me feel more of this always and me cannot thank you enough for it โค *keeps hugging and doesn't let goโคโค
now this is a message for chu brain--- please please please be nice to my bestest Soul friend, they are really amazing and a really great human being who deserves lots of luv and kindness and peace of mind.. please be gentle with them and keep reminding them to be gentle with them also ๐ฅบ
@Optimisticempath Hey you โค๏ธ No thank you needed or necessary. Thank you too. ๐ For caring about me and for being my friend. I think I know what you mean with what it means to have someone care about you - it's harder to self destruct when there's people that care. I could be wrong though โค๏ธย
@Optimisticempath
The sweet milky bear has been in my thoughts <3 mhm, thatโs you friend. ๐ฅบ๐ Feels like we havenโt talked in a long while ๐ *big big comforting huggies for Opti friend if okie* ๐ how have you been? :') ๐ย
sending more big hugs if ok and some warm milk with cookies and cake ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฐ๐ย
@LoveMyMoonflowers
flower buddy ๐ฅบ omg this is too cute and gosh you so sweet ๐ this is the most ive smiled in eh umm idk id rather not count lmao but yeah been some time ๐
idk how i am....trying to ignore that ๐ฅด but alive so good ... or maybe not.. idk sorry ๐ถ im ok
yes flower buddy huggies vv okie ๐ฅบ *hugs back tightly ๐ค
how's you? ikr it been forever... ive missed you too ๐ always thinking good things for you and hope youย being gentle with you ๐ sends luvv ๐๐
*noms cookie and cake ... and shares milk and cookie wichu๐๐๐ค๐๐ฅฐ
@Optimisticempath
awwe ๐ iโm glad i could make you smile friend. ๐ and itโs okie :') i understand tbh, life is hard and it can be hard to find reasons to smile :') ๐ *huggies*ย
oof felt :') mmm i get the ignoring it thing tbh :') aliveness is definitely good ๐ even thoughโฆ itโs exhausting and messy. :') me glad your alive friend because honestly the world would be darker and lonelier without opti friend :') itโs brighter and lovelier with your sweet presence ๐ (and i get it if your rolling your eyes and saying nuuuu at that lol, oftentimes itโs vvv hard to see the good and the beautiful in ourselves, it can be easier to see it in others i think <3)ย
opti friend doesnโt have to be sorry for anything at all :o nuuu buddy, your all good ๐ opti buddy doesnโt have to say they ok if theyโre not eitherโฆ ๐ฅบ this is your safes diary space after all ๐ย
eh iโm okay right now lol, idk about later tonight (itโs almost 1 am here lol) soโฆ :') im getting through each day and trying to figure things out slowly ๐ but yeah life is being lifey too ๐ญ smh life ๐ญ lol.
awwe your so lovely opti ๐ thank you for thinking of me ๐ฅบ๐ youโve been in my thoughts too friend. sending lots of love back ๐ ik itโs hard but i hope your trying to be gentle with you too ok? trying to be safe and be gentle with you ๐ the same way your so gentle with your buddies here ๐ฅบ๐ ik itโs hard friend bc oftentimes itโs easier to be kind to others but when it comes to ourselves eeeee :') it kinda eh lol itโs hard but we can try ๐ slowly, one step at a time ๐
*shares with you* thank you friend ๐
